Endless Summer Nights
by Mrs. McDreamy MD
Summary: Meredith goes on a cruise the summer before she starts medical school and it turns out to be the trip of a lifetime. MerDer AU.
1. Chapter 1

Endless Summer Nights - Richard Marx

Summer came and left without a warning

All at once I looked and you were gone

And now you're looking back at me

Searching for a way that we can be like we were before

Now I'm back to what I knew before you

Somehow the city doesn't look the same

I'd give my life for one more night

Of having you here to hold me tight; oh, please

Take me there again

Oh, oh

CHORUS:

And I remember how you loved me

Time was all we had until the day we said goodbye

I remember every moment of those endless summer nights

I still recall the walks along the beaches

And the way your hair would glisten in the sun

Rising in the afternoon

Making love to you under the moon, oh

Do you remember all the nights we spent in silence

Every single breath you took was mine

We can have it all again

Say that you'll be with me when the sun brings your heart to mine

Oh, oh

CHORUS

There's only so much I can say

So please don't run away from what we have together

It's only you and me tonight

So let's stay lost in flight

Oh, won't you please surrender

CHORUS

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Meredith bites back her laughter as she glances at her friends as they make their way towards the dock. The dock where they are boarding the cruise liner that is going to take them on a tour of Italy and the Greek Isles. Meredith loves her friends, her friends that are more like her family. Her friends who at this moment are giving each other hell.

They had decided to all take this cruise together before they all headed off to different medical schools. Meredith is going off to Dartmouth in New Hampshire. She is excited to finally get started with her life, with her life goals. She cannot wait until the day when she stands in an OR and hold the scalpel, the day when a patient's life is in her very capable hands. She can't wait.

Cristina: Damn it, evil spawn! Watch your damn suitcase. That is my heels that you are running over.

A chuckle can be heard somewhere behind the angry Asian.

Alex: Sorry, Yang. Didn't see you there.

Cristina whips around to face the man who looks like a jock. She points her finger in his face.

Cristina: Unless you want me to throw your body overboard late at night so that no one will see you, and I doubt anyone will miss you, then I would suggest you open your damn eyes.

Alex stops in his tracks and stares at Cristina for a moment before erupting into a fit of laughter. Anyone who didn't know them, and even some of those who did, thought that they were perfect for each other. However, their closest friends know that is they ever got together the result would be a bloody mess and the blood would all be from Alex.

Izzie: Come on guys, we are about to go on a cruise!!! Be happy!

Cristina rolls her eyes at Izzie and Meredith forces a smile onto her face. Izzie is too happy...all the time.

Cristina: Seriously, Barbie, deflate. I can't take this much bubbly all the time.

Izzie opens her mouth to speak but instead she tilts her head to the side and smiles. Sometimes she really does come off as a ditz.

Meredith just shakes her head as they walk up the ramp to board the huge cruise liner. She has enjoyed the past couple of days in Florida. She has enjoyed the past couple of days but there is no way in hell that she could ever live here. It is too damn hot and too damn humid for her and for her hair.

Meredith (in an exasperated voice): Guys, can't we just get along? Seriously? This is the last time we are all going to be together. Let's just enjoy this time. If you can't grow up then once we are on board stay the hell away from me, because I want to have a good time.

Cristina: You need to get laid. Seriously.

Meredith narrows her eyes at Cristina and opens her mouth to speak, but Alex beats her to it.

Alex: I wouldn't mind helping you out with that, Mer.

Alex winks at her and Meredith makes a noise of disgust.

Meredith: Seriously?! Keep dreaming, Evil Spawn!

Meredith turns on her heel and walks away, leaving her group of friends laughing behind her. She doesn't need them for a good time. Why in the hell did she invite them to come anyways? Oh yeah. She thought that they could all have a good time before they each went to medical school in different parts of the country.

If they all want to be asses, that's fine. That is fine with her. Her room is on a different part of the ship. She is staying in a suite courtesy of her mother. Her mother would rather her go on a cruise than a trek across Europe, so Meredith made a stipulation. This stipulation has her placed on a different deck of the ship, so if need be, she can avoid her friends who are being very annoying at the moment.

Meredith decides at this moment that she doesn't have to rely upon her friends to have her fun. She can make her own fun. She will make her own fun. She can have fun without them and she will. Damn it she will have fun.

A determined Meredith hands her ticket to a man standing at the entrance onto the ship. He smiles at her as he looks at her ticket.

Ticket man: Have a good trip, Miss.

Meredith returns the smile as he hands her back her ticket.

Meredith: Oh, I will.

With these words, Meredith Grey steps onto the cruise liner telling herself that she is ready for the adventure of a lifetime, but having no idea that the next few weeks would completely change her life in ways that she never could have imagined.

**There will be more updates later, the updates will be very frequent until I get this story caught up. **

**-Marci**


	2. Chapter 2

Meredith reaches her room and is happy to find that her luggage has already been brought. She looks around the suite and her mouth falls open. There is a king sized four poster bed dressed in all white linens. She walks towards the bed and collapses back on it. She moves her arms and legs in a motion that imitates the motions of one making a snow angel.

She inhales deeply as she takes in the familiar scent of lavender, just like her conditioner. She sighs and sits up as her cell phone begins to ring. She knows that it is her friends. She just really doesn't want to deal with them right now. She decides to suck it up and spend some time with them. She reluctantly answers her phone.

Meredith: Hello?...Okay...I will meet you at the upper level pool in fifteen...

Meredith hangs up her phone and throws it on the bed. She walks over to one of her suitcases and lugs it over to the bed. She digs through the contents until she finds exactly what she is looking for, her tiny black bikini. She looks hot in it and she knows it.

Meredith quickly changes and grabs a towel before heading out of the door, clutch purses in her other hand. She is so preoccupied that when she turns to head down the hall towards the pool she doesn't notices the tall, dark-haired man and she runs smack into him. His large hands reach out and grab her and keep her from falling.

Meredith: I'm so sorry. I am such a clutz.

Her words are met by a deep laugh, a laugh the sends chills through her body. She looks up and her green eyes meet his oceans of deep blue. She feels her breath taken away and she struggles to regain her senses.

The stranger removes his strong hands from her shoulders and he extends one of them towards her.

Stranger: I'm Derek.

Derek cocks his head to the side and gives her a look that can only be described as dreamy. She doesn't know how she manages it, but somehow she sees herself extending her own head towards Derek.

Meredith: I'm Meredith.

Derek smiles and his eyes light up.

Derek: Meredith.

He repeats her name, as if he wants to store it within his memory and never forget it. Just the way he says her name sends an electrical current through Meredith's body. All of the sudden she is picturing her hands travelling down what she imagines is his well chiseled naked back as he groans her name in pleasure. His deep, melodic voice interrupts her very mature day dreams.

Derek: It looks like we are neighbors.

Meredith smiles at him and giggles. She has no idea where the giggle comes from and she suddenly feels like a teenager again, awkward and bumbling. Derek, however, finds her giggle very charming as he feels his pulse race and his body temperature seems to rise.

Meredith: Yes, Derek, it does look like we are neighbors.

Meredith tests out his name and it feels so natural rolling off of her tongue, like a name she could say everyday for the rest of her life. She has no idea where these sudden thoughts of the future are coming from. Meredith is not that type of girl. She doesn't do relationships. She does one night stands with no strings attached. She has no idea where these thoughts are coming from and they are scaring her.

Derek's skin breaks out in chill bumps as he hears Meredith say his name. He imagines her screaming his name as he thrusts into her. He imagines her lips close to his ear, whispering his name as she tells him how much she wants him. He also imagines her whispering his name in the morning as she rouses him from his sleep where he was dreaming of her. Where the hell are these thoughts coming from? He has no idea. He has no idea and it scares him a little bit.

Meredith clears her throat as she forces herself and Derek back to their present surroundings.

Meredith: Well, Derek, it was very nice to meet you. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go meet my friends at the pool.

Meredith turns to walk away, but his voice calling out to her stops her.

Derek: Meredith?

She turns to face him.

Derek: Do you mind if me and my friend join you and yours?

Meredith: Sure.

Meredith smiles at him and turns around and heads of to the pool as Derek unlocks his room and heads inside to change. Neither knowing that the five minute exchange between the two will completely change their lives in ways that neither ever could have imagined.


	3. Chapter 3

Meredith walks down to the pool and immediately spots her rowdy friends. She watches as Alex grabs a screaming Izzie around the waist and throws her into the pool. Meredith shakes her head as she stands there and watches them for a minute. They are crazy. They are completely crazy, but they are her friends.

She laughs to herself as she walks over to the side of the pool and plops down on a chaise lounge next to Cristina. Cristina raises her head and looks at her.

Cristina: It's about damn time you showed up. I was getting ready to jump off of the side of the damn boat.

Meredith giggles as she puts on her Coach sunglasses and lies back, enjoying the warmth of the sun on her pale body. Soon she would need to apply sunscreen, but right now she just wants to enjoy the warmth. Suddenly she is thinking about Derek applying the sunscreen for her. She feels her body growing flush as the thought of his hands smoothing the cool lotion into her skin runs through her mind.

Cristina's sharp elbow in her side brings her back to the noisy poolside.

Cristina: What the hell is up with you?

Meredith: What?

Cristina: I have been talking to you for the last five minutes and you have been off in lala land.

Meredith: I'm just tired from the flight.

Cristina arches her eyebrow.

Cristina: Right. I'm not buying that.

Meredith just shrugs.

Meredith: You don't have to.

Cristina raises herself up on her elbows and stares at Meredith.

Cristina: Okay. What the hell is wrong with you? You have been in a bitchy mood since we got to the ship?

Meredith feels the frustration build up in her.

Meredith: I already told you that nothing was wrong. Why don't you just shut up and enjoy the freaking sun!

Cristina's mouth falls slightly open as she stares at Meredith. Meredith has never told her to shut up. Cristina is usually the rude one. She must admit that she is impressed. Cristina nods her head before lying back down.

Cristina: Way to grow a pair, Grey.

Meredith: Go to hell, Yang.

Just them Alex comes over and bends down to pick Cristina up off of the chair.

Cristina: If you touch my, Karev, I will castrate you with a rusty scalpel.

Alex shrugs before bending down and picking up Cristina's tiny frame. Cristina immediately begins to hit him with her fists.

Cristina: Put me down, Evil Spawn!

Alex: Say the magic word.

Cristina: Put me down right now, you ass!

Alex: As you please.

Alex smirks as he drops Cristina into the pool. Meredith is watching it all from her chair next to the pool, laughing her ass off. She sees Cristina's head bob up to the surface, her hands motioning angrily at Alex as she makes her way to the side of the pool. Meredith looks at Alex.

Meredith: You better run.

Alex: She does look pissed.

Meredith: Yup.

Alex glances at the pool where the angry Asian is crawling up the ladder at the side, looking at him with fire in her eyes, before he looks back at Meredith.

Alex: See ya.

Meredith laughs.

Meredith: If she doesn't kill you.

Alex takes off, Cristina grabs her stuff and runs after him. Meredith shakes her head as she leans back in the chair, sighing. This is how it's supposed to be, relaxing peacefully by the pool, inhaling the smell of the ocean as she feels the sun on her skin. Yup. This is how it's supposed to be.

Voice: You know, you should probably put some sunscreen on. I could help you with that if you would like?


	4. Chapter 4

_Voice: You know, you should probably put some sunscreen on. I could help you with that if you would like?_

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meredith opens her eyes to see an elderly man standing over her, staring at her with this creepy look. Meredith feels herself shudder as she tries to move her body away from him. He has this big goofy grin on his face as she notices him checking her out.

Meredith: Umm...I'm sorry...I don't think my boyfriend would like that..

The elderly man looks around. He doesn't have to know that she is as free as a bird...or whatever. Not attached. Single. Whatever you want to call it. He doesn't need to know that. She doesn't want him to know that.

Old Man: I don't see him anywhere.

Meredith looks around as she bites down on her bottom lip.

Meredith: Well, he should be here any minute and I already promised him he could put on my sunscreen.

Old Man: Well, I don't see him so I say you just let me put it on so you don't get burned.

It is then that Meredith feels a large hand on her back. She turns her face and her green eyes get lost in his seas of blue.

Derek: Sorry it took me so long, honey.

Meredith smiles at him, relief washing over her. That is, until she notices that he is moving in for the kiss. Suddenly she feels nervous. Why does she feel so nervous? She could swear that there isn't just a couple of butterflies in her stomach, but a whole damn swarm.

She licks her lips in anticipation as she feels his hot breath against her face. Their eyes lock and she feels completely lost, almost as if she is drowning, but in him. She can't help but think how much she wants to drown in him. How she wants him to fill her up in ways that she can only imagine.

Suddenly, his lips are mere centimeters away from hers. Her eyes glance at them quickly before meeting his eyes. She wants to run her fingers through his hair and before she knows it, she is. She reaches up and feels his silky locks run between her fingers as she pulls him closer, closing the remainder of the gap between their lips. Their lips meet and seem to merge as one. No longer is this a kiss to save her. This is a kiss to taste her. And God, does she taste good.

Meredith feels herself falling back against the chair, but her grip on his hair allows him to fall with her. She opens her legs for him, allowing him to position himself between them. If only there weren't two scraps of clothing seperating them. If only they weren't in public. If only.

Derek runs his tongue along Meredith's bottom lip, tasting her cherry lipgloss and groaning in pleasure. He opens his eyes and sees her green ones staring back at him as he thrusts his tongue past the barrier of her lips, the plush pink flesh grazing her teeth before meshing with her own. She can feel his large, warm hands moving down her sides and she gets lost in the sensations. He presses his hips against her and she gasps as she feels his erection against her stomach, wanting him, needing him at this point. It isn't until they hear someone clearing their voice that they break apart, both completely breathless and obviously aroused.

Voice: You two should really get a room. I wouldn't mind watching there, but there are kiddos...and there is this really creepy old guy watching you.

Derek groans as he lifts his head up and looks at the tall, muscular man.

Derek: Mark. Meredith. Meredith. Mark.

Meredith giggles as Mark smirks at her.

Mark: Very nice, Derek. First day on the trip and you've already bagged a babe.

Derek (mouthing): Sorry.

Meredith just giggles and shrugs as Mark walks over towards Izzie, trying to work his charm with the bubbly blond.

Meredith: So, what was that about?

Derek smirks.

Derek: Had to save you from the old guy.

Meredith smiles as she tilts her head to the side. Something about her has already captivated Derek and he reaches up and brushes a strand out of her face. An act that speaks of familiarity, almost as if they have known each other beyond the bounds of time and space.

Meredith: So, you are basically my knight in shining whatever.

Derek chuckles feeling completely at ease in her arms.

Derek: You could say that.

Meredith: Well, Mr. Knight, how you you like to save me from getting a horrible sunburn and help me apply my sunscreen.

Derek smiles as he reaches down and grabs her bottle of sunscreen.

Derek: I would love to, My Lady.

Meredith's giggles are cut off as she feels Derek's large hands begin to work over her back. She leans into his touch craving it in much more intimate places. She hasn't even known him for an hour, but she wants him more than she has ever wanted anyone. She also feels more of a connection with him than she has ever felt with anyone else, including friends. She feels like she knows him and what she doesn't know, she wants to learn.


	5. Chapter 5

Meredith sighs as she leans back in the chaise. Derek has just finished covering her back in sunscreen. She looks at him and smiles from behind her sunglasses.

Meredith: Thanks.

Derek smirks.

Derek: I'm not done yet.

Derek pulls the nearest chaise closer to Meredith's before squirting some more suncreen onto Meredith's stomach and chest. Meredith gasps at the contact of the cold sunscreen on her warm skin, but then she realizes what this means. Derek's hands. Derek's hands on her chest and stomach. She feels her core temperature heating up simply at the thought. Why is she so attracted to this man? It almost seems as if it is an attraction that is beyond the physical.

Derek: Close your eyes.

Meredith arches her eyebrow at him.

Meredith: What?

Derek: Close your eyes and relax.

Meredith can't help but smirk at him. If only he knew what that commanding tone does to her. Maybe he does know. Maybe he does know and that is why he is doing this. For some reason, this thought excites her even more and she closes his eyes.

Derek can't help but run his tongue over his bottom lip as he gazes down at the figure lying before him, his own modern version of Aphrodite. He gazes down at her abdomen and chest. He doesn't know where to start. He is like a kid in a candy store and each part of Meredith's body is a different flavor. All flavors that he loves and that he wants to taste over and over and over again.

Meredith eagerly awaits that contact. The moment that his large hands begins to work at the soft skin of her chest and abdomen. His hands caressing over the skin on these areas seems so much more intimate that them caressing her back.

She sighs in relief as his masculine skin finally comes into contact with her feminine skin. He moves his hands slowly and deliberately, kneeding her soft skin as he works in the sunscreen. Meredith forces herself to stifle a moan as she bites down on her bottom lip. Derek moves up from her abdomen to her chest. He works the sunscreen up over her clavicles and down over the tops of

her breasts. As soon as he is satisfied that her delicate skin in protected, he leans in close to Meredith's ear. Meredith can feel his hot breath against her skin and she feels herself growing wet.

Derek: Meredith..

Her name rolls off of his tongue like velvet and resonates in the air like an ode. Meredith's eyes snap open as he pushes her sunglasses up onto her head. He wants to look into her eyes, which look a shade darker.

Meredith: What?

Derek (in a husky voice): I want you.

Meredith swallows the lump in her throat. The only time people are this forward with her are when they are drunk. She feels herself growing flustered and her skin blushing as his words combined with his voice only increases the dampness that now resonates between her smooth thighs.

Meredith: Come to my room after dinner.

Derek smiles as he replaces her sunglasses. He leans further forward so that she can almost feel his lips against her ear.

Derek: There is something about you, Meredith, that drives me crazy..

Meredith: Oh yeah?

Derek (in a breathy sigh): Yeah.

Derek leans back for a moment, debating his next move. Meredith closes her eyes, not trusting the sunglasses to hide her need and her desire for him. She can feel the heat of his body close to hers once again as his lips return to their previous proximity to her ear.

Derek (in a husky voice): I will see you at dinner and meet you for dessert.

Meredith just nods her head, not being able to form words at the moment. She opens her eyes and watches him stand up. She notices that he glances around the pool once before looking back down at her and winking before walking off. She watches him walk away, not caring who sees her staring after him. He has a nice ass. Hell, he has a nice everything and she can't wait to run her fingers over every inch of his well-defined body.

Cristina: What the hell has you so excited?

Meredith clears her voice as she looks up at her best friend standing over her with her hands on her hips.

Meredith: Nothing.

If only she knew.


	6. Chapter 6

Meredith looks at the dresses laid out in front of her. She can't pick a dress. It's just a stupid dress that she is going to wear to a stupid dinner. A dinner that he will be at. It is after the dinner that she cares about. She wants to look perfect. She doesn't know why she cares. She has never really cared about this kind of stuff before, but with him, with Derek, she cares. She cares a lot and it scares her.

She settles on a dark blue dress that fits her body perfectly and a pair of sandals. She looks at herself in the mirror. She looks hot. She can't wait to see Derek's reaction. This dress definitely leaves little to the imagination.

She grabs her clutch purse just as there is a knock at the door. Her pulse speeds up, wondering if it is him. He isn't supposed to come to her room until after dinner.

Meredith walks over and opens the door. She tries to hide the disappoint when the door reveals Cristina. She musters a smile as she notices Cristina's eyes glancing over her.

Meredith: Ready to go?

Cristina: Are you hoping to get laid tonight?

Meredith just laughs as she flips her hair over her shoulder. They walk down the hall and towards the area where dinner is served. Just as they turn the corner, Derek's door opens and he heads in the same direction with Mark, both carrying on their own conversations as they head to dinner as their upcoming dessert is on their minds.

Derek enters the dining area and glances around, hoping to spot his dessert. His eyes scan the crowd and land on her figure. He feels his breath hitch in his throat. Her head is thrown back in laughter, exposing the long column of her neck. A column that he fully plans to explore later. He licks his lips as his eyes travel further down. She is wearing a strapless dress that hugs her body. She looks amazing. He can already feel his pants growing strained as he thinks about how her body looks naked.

His eyes travel back up her body and meet hers. She is staring directly at him, he hears himself gasp as her eyes seem to pierce his soul and read his dirty thoughts. She licks her lips as she looks at him, her eyes taking in his faded blue jeans that hang perfectly off of his hips and his blue button-up shirt. It is ironic how well they match. He watches her turn to her friends and say something before she begins to walk towards him. He turns to Mark.

Derek: I will...uh...see you later.

Mark follows his friends line of sight.

Mark: Niiiiice.

Derek ignore Mark and walks towards the sultry siren who is currently heading his way, their eyes locked on each other. They finally shorten the gap between their bodies, but that foot of space still seems to be too much. Meredith takes a sip of her drink, but maintains eye contact with Derek over her glass.

Derek (in a husky voice): Hello.

Meredith smiles at him from under her lashes.

Meredith: Hey.

Derek: You look...stunning.

Derek resists the urge to reach forward and run his finger along her cheek. Meredith smiles at him once again as she flips her hair over her shoulder. Derek takes a step towards her, decreasing the space even more. Both are finding it even more difficult to breathe.

Meredith: So do you.

Derek takes another small step, their bodies now only inches apart. Their hot breath hitting the other in the face as the struggle to keep their breathing in check, a task that is proving to be more difficult as their desire increases.

Derek can't take it anymore. He has to touch her. He has to. He wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her body into his. She gasps as she feels his erection pressing into her stomach. Her free hand travels over his muscular chest as she inhales his masculine scent.

Derek lowers his head and inhales her. She smells like some kind of flower. He feels intoxicated. He feels intoxicated and he hasn't even had anything to drink. He needs to say something. To make conversation.

Derek: So, what are you drinking?

Meredith: Mai Thai.

Derek: Ah.

Meredith: Yeah, not really my poison, but I thought I would try something different.

Derek chuckles.

Derek: What is your poison then?

Meredith: Tequila.

Derek: NIce.

Meredith: What's yours?

Derek: Right now, you.

Meredith looks up at him and notices the darkened color of his eyes. They also match her dress. She giggles.

Derek: What?

Meredith: We match.

Derek smiles his McDreamy smile.

Derek: We do.

Their faces slowly inch closer as the tension in the air increases. They are either unaware of all of the stares of they don't care. Derek's lips are now centimeters from Meredith's.

Derek: Meredith...

Her name rolls off of his tongue like velvet and sounds like a prayer. Meredith leans up and quickly closes the space that seperates the moistened skin of their lips. Their lips mesh together in a frenzy of need. Derek runs his tongue along Meredith's bottom lip, tasting her cherry lip gloss, before Meredith opens her mouth and allows him entrace. Their tongues mesh together in an erotic dance that is full of a frenzied need.

Meredith moans into Derek's mouth as his thumbs rub circles over her hip bones. They are in their own world, oblivious to that around them. All that they know is each other. All that they want is each other. All that they need is each other.

Someone clearing their throat nearby breaks them out of their reverie as Meredith pulls back completely breathless. Derek doesn't let go of her hips as they both try to regain their breath. He can't let go of her hips. Not unless the entire place wants to see his erection.

Derek (in a groan): Mer..

It is the first time that he has shortened her name and it feel so natural to say it. It sounds so natural for her to hear it. Her core is on fire and her need for him can no longer be put off. His need for her has reached a painful desperation. He needs her so much it physically hurts as his erection throbs against the material of his jeans.

Meredith places her drink on a passing tray before grabbing his hand.

Meredith: Let's go.

Derek holds onto Meredith's hips, keeping her in front of him, as they walk as fast as his erection will allow them. He digs his face into her neck as they get onto the elevator. She giggles as his hot breath tickles her skin.

As soon as the doors close, Derek turns Meredith's body around and pushes her up against the wall. She gasps in surprise as his lips come crashing down onto hers, his hands pull her hips closer to him. Meredith's gasp turns into a moan as Derek thrusts his tongue into Meredith's mouth. Meredith moves her hands up Derek's shoulders and into his hair, something that drives Derek crazy.

He pulls his lips away from hers and she instantly feels cold and lonely. But Derek quickly dispells these feeling as his mouth latches onto Meredith's neck. Meredith arches her back and stretches her neck, allowing him better access. As he nibbles and licks along her collar bone, Meredith can't suppress a moan of pleasure as she fists Derek's hair.

The dinging of the elevator signaling their arrival to their floor causes the two to seperate, both rendered breathless. Derek grabs Meredith's waist and guides her out of the elevator, feeling that is he isn't inside of her soon he might just explode, both literally and figuratively.

They reach Meredith's door and Meredith fumbles around in her clutch for her key. Derek pushes his erection into her back as he begins another attack on her neck. Meredith rubs her ass against Derek, causing him to groan loudly.

Derek (husky): Mer, hurry.

Meredith (breathless): I'm trying.

Meredith finally finds her key card and inserts it into the door. As soon as she turns the handle, Derek pushes the both in. Meredith barely has time to take note of her surrounding before Derek is pushing her back against the door. His breath is hot and heavy against her face and her eyes match the color of her dress.

He pushes his body against hers as he nuzzles her face in her hair, breathing her in once again. His mouth moves to her ear, licking and nibbling as his breath on her ear makes her body begin to shake with anticipation. A small whine escapes from her mouth as her knees begin to shake.

Derek (in a husky voice): I need you.

Derek leans up and places his forehead against hers. Derek notices her swallow as she closes her eyes, trying to regain her composure. Derek begins to trail his hand up her smooth, silky leg. He hears Meredith gasp as hand reaches her inner thigh. He can almost feel the heat radiating from her core from there.

He leans in a captures her lips in a hungry kiss as his hand brushes across a moist scrap of lace. Meredith moans into his mouth as she places her hands on his shoulders and pushes him. He pulls back, thinking that she wants him to stop, confusion on his face. Meredith continues to push him and he realizes that she is pushing him towards the bed.

Once Derek begins to move backwards on his own, Meredith's hands move to his shirt. She starts to unbutton it, button by button.

Derek (breathless): Just rip it.

Meredith bites on her bottom lip as she grasps the shirt and pulls it open forcefully, sending buttons flying across the room. His impatience causing the dampness between her legs to grow. She runs her fingers softly over his chest as she bites down on her bottom lip. She looks up into Derek's eyes and notices that he is watching her intently.

While maintaining the eye contact with Derek, Meredith moves her hands over his abdomen and to his belt. She unbuckles his belt expertly, at which he cocks his brow and Meredith smirks. Meredith tugs on the belt, causing Derek's erection to rub against her stomach repeatedly and eliciting a low moan from him. He runs his fingers through her hair as she begins to work the buttons on his jeans. Her hand brushes against his erection and she finds herself needing him naked, now. She rushes through the rest of his buttons and quickly pulls down both his jeans and his boxers. She gasps as his large, throbbing cock is freed from its confines.

Derek kicks off his shoes and socks before stepping out of his jeans and boxers. He stands in front of Meredith, completely naked and she has to restrain herself from jumping on him immediately.

Derek: There is something wrong.

Meredith arches her eyebrow, confusion spreading across her countenance.

Derek: I am naked and you are not.

Meredith's giggles turn to a gasp as Derek moves both of his large hands to the back of her shoulders. His hands slide under the smooth material of her dress before moving around to her sides, causing Meredith to raise her arms in the air. Derek's eyes lock on Meredith's and he continues to gaze into her eyes as he slowly begins to force the dress down over the tops of her breasts.

Once the dress is down past her breasts, Derek tears his eyes away from Meredith's and can't help but gasp at the sight of her bare breasts.

Derek: You're not wearing a bra.

Meredith (in a sultry voice): I didn't need one.

Derek shakes his head as his eyes stay glued to her perfect twin peaks.

Derek: No. No you didn't.

Derek can't take it any more. He quickly pulls the rest of the dress down. A move that surprises and excites Meredith. Meredith steps out of her shoes and her dress as Derek's eyes scan over her perfect body.

Derek (in awe): You're beautiful.

Meredith blushes slightly, but her blush is hidden behind her already flushed complexion. Derek leans forward and kisses her hard, causing her lips to swell slightly. He moves his hands up and down her sides slowly, wanting to memorize her perfect curves. Derek's mouth trail kisses along the corner of Meredith's mouth, to her jaw, down the column of her neck, before finding the hollow at the bottom of her collar bone.

Meredith moans and arches her body into his. Derek moves one of his hands lightly over her lace-covered mound. Meredith gasps at his light touch. Derek runs one finger along the outside of her lace thong before pushing it aside and running it along her moist lips. Meredith gasps and buries her fingers in Derek's hair.

Derek (breathless): Shit...you're so wet, Mer...

Meredith can't take it any longer. She needs him inside of her. Screw foreplay. She wants him to screw her.

Meredith: Der, I need you. I need you now.

Derek just nods as he hooks Meredith's panties under his thumbs and pulls them down. He wraps his arms around Meredith's waist as he leads her to the bed.

Meredith (breathless): Condom.

She points to the dresser next to the bed and Derek nods before walking over to the dresser and getting a condom. Meredith moves back on the bed and opens her legs for him. He stares at her glistening pink center that is waiting for him for a moment before opening the condom and sliding it on.

Derek crawls up the bed to Meredith. She moves her hands over his back as he moves up his body. He kisses her quickly, both of their breathing ragged.

Derek thrusts into her quickly and without warning. Their simultaneous moans are a mixture of pleasure and relief. He stays still for a moment to allow her time to adjust to his size before he begins to thrust into her. He looks into her eyes as she reaches down and grabs his ass, pushing him further in. He closes his eyes for a moment as the feeling of her hot walls surrounding his length overwhelms him. She feels so perfect. She feels like nothing he has ever felt before.

Meredith (moaning): Faster!

Derek picks up the pace of his thrusts as Meredith's nails begin to dig into his back. He feels her body beginning to tense under him as her walls are starting to tighten around his length. He is filling her like no one has ever filled her before.

Meredith arches her back off of the bed.

Meredith: Oh...Oh...shit..mmm...shit...Der...ooooooohhhhhhh...

Meredith body begins to shake violently as her orgasm overtakes her. It is only after he is sure that she is satisfied that he allows his own orgasm to take over his body. He groans into her neck as his penis twitches inside of her with release.

He holds onto the condom as he slips out of her. He pulls the condom off and throws it into the trashcan next to the bed while still lying on top of her. He buries his face into her neck as he struggles to regain his breathing. He finally rolls their sweaty bodies over, pulling her on top of him. Her silky hair tickles his chest lightly as she giggles at the sudden movement.

Derek: That was...

Meredith: Wow...

Derek chuckles as he reaches up and brushes a strand of hair out of her now sweaty face.

Derek (sighing): Yeah.

Meredith bites on her bottom lip. She looks at him and grins while arching her eyebrow.

Meredith: Wanna do it again?


	7. Chapter 7

Meredith becomes vaguely aware of the fact that her phone is ringing as she struggles to open her eyes. She feels someones hands brushing through her hair as she fights to stay asleep.

Derek (in a quiet voice): Mer..

Meredith just mumbles into Derek's chest as she nuzzles further into his body, her hair falling across his bare torso. Derek can't help but chuckle at her reluctance to wake up.

Derek: Meredith, your phone is ringing...

Meredith (groaning): I'm sleeping...

Derek chuckles again as he runs his fingers along Meredith's bare spine.

Meredith: Mmmm..

Meredith's phone starts ringing again. She groans into Derek's chest as he chuckles.

Derek: Sexy Back, Meredith?

Meredith: Shut up.

Meredith reaches across Derek's body, her boobs pressing into his chest, as she reaches for her phone on the table next to the bed. She flips the phone open as she looks Derek in the eyes.

Meredith: Hello?...No...What?...Why?...Whatever...Seriously?!...Okay, okay...Give me an hour...Shut up, bitch...bye.

Meredith snaps her phone shut and can't help but notice the smirk on Derek's face as he runs his hands up and down her back.

Meredith: What?

Derek chuckles.

Derek: You are not a morning person, are you?

Meredith groans as she rolls off of Derek and onto her back.

Meredith: No. I'm not.

Derek rolls onto his side and begins to run his hand down Meredith's arm. Meredith looks at him and smiles. He leans forward and briefly brushes his lips across hers.

He props his head up on his elbow as he stares down at her, each getting lost in the other's eyes. Derek reaches down and caresses Meredith's cheek as she runs her fingers through his hair. They are both enjoying each other's company and they don't want it to end.

Derek sighs.

Derek: Meredith..

Meredith arches her eyebrow, unsure of what he is about to say.

Derek: I had an amazing time last night. There is something about you...you just...you have already captivated me...and I would love to spend more time with you.

Meredith bites down on her bottom lip as she looks into his bright blue eyes. She can see th sincerity that resides there, but she is terrified of committment. And what happens when it is all over? What happens in four weeks when they return to port and each go their seperate ways? Meredith already feels for this man more than she has ever felt for a man before. She doesn't want to let him go. Not yet. But she also doesn't want to get hurt.

Meredith: I...I had an amazing time as well...but, if we are going to continue this...thing...which I'm thinking you do from what you just said...

Derek nods his head as he watches Meredith expectantly.

Meredith: If we are going to continue with this, then there have to be rules.

Derek arches his eyebrow.

Derek: Rules?

Meredith: Yes, rules.

Derek: O...okay.

Meredith: First rule: If we are sleeping with each other, then we are not sleeping with anyone else.

Derek: Of course not. I completely agree.

Meredith: Good. Now, B.: No last names, no addresses. You don't know mine. I don't know yours.

Derek's body tenses a little.

Derek: May I ask why?

Meredith: Because, this cruise is four weeks and I think it would be easier if both of us realized that nothing is going to happen past those four weeks.

Derek nods.

Derek: I can accept that.

Meredith: And the third rule, you can't fall in love with me.

Derek widens his eyes in shock.

Meredith: I know that right now that seems like such a distant possibility, but this rule is for me just as well as it is for you. Nothing can happen past this cruise and we know that, so why should we put ourself through that torture?

Derek: But...I...you can't help who you fall in love with..

Meredith: If you don't agree, then there is no way that I can carry this on. I can't. We can't. I need for you to promise me that you won't fall in love. If you start to feel like you are, then we will end it.

Derek doesn't want it to end. He will do anything to keep it from ending. That is why the next words escape from his mouth.

Derek: Okay.

Meredith nods.

Meredith: Good. I have to go meet my friends for lunch since it seems that we slept through breakfast..

Derek chuckles.

Derek: Well, we didn't go to sleep until sunrise..

Meredith smiles.

Meredith: It was worth it.

Derek smiles broadly.

Derek: Yes. It was.

Meredith reaches up and runs her fingers through Derek hair while pulling his lips to hers. She kisses him softly and passionately. She nibbles on his bottom lip before softly running her tongue over it. He can feel her hot breath on his mouth the moment before her lips crash down fully on his. Her lips melt into his as she pushes her tongue into mouth for just a brief moment. He groans when she pulls away from him.

Meredith (breathless): I have to get ready.

Derek (breathless): Meet me later?

Meredith smirks.

Meredith: Of course.

Derek moves so that Meredith can get up. He watches her watch to the bathroom, her hips swaying as she moves. After he hears the shower going he gets out of bed and gets dressed before heading back to his suite to take his own shower.

Both agree to the rules, but both know that rules are made to be broken. Neither one realizes that the newly formed rules are already bending.

**Thank you all for your comments. I really do love comments. I am a comment whore you might say. :D**

**-Marci**


	8. Chapter 8

Endless Summer Nights - Richard Marx

Meredith walks towards her group of friends who are sitting at a table on the deck. She knows that she is going to get the third degree from her friends about last night, but she doesn't care. Her eyes scan the other tables on the deck and she gasps when her green eyes meet his blue. She smiles at him as she continues to walk towards her group of friends.

Cristina: What the hell, Meredith?

Meredith jerks her head towards Cristina as she tears her eyes away from his. She notices that all of her friends are staring at her. Meredith plops down in the chair as she pulls down her sunglasses.

Meredith: What?

Cristina smirks.

Cristina: You so got laid last night.

Meredith shoots her a glance.

Meredith: How can you tell?

Cristina: You have the after sex glow.

Meredith just shrugs as she leans back in her chair.

Meredith: Jealous?

Cristina: Hell yeah.

Meredith giggles as Cristina arches her eyebrow.

Cristina: Was it any good? Cause he looks like he would be good.

Cristina glances over at Derek and notices that he is staring at Meredith.

Cristina: And he is undressing you with his eyes right now.

Meredith turns her head and her eyes meet his. He smiles his McDreamy smile at her as he tilts his head to the side. Meredith bites on her bottom lips as she stares into his deep blue eyes as she feels the heat of her core increase.

Cristina clears her throat next to Meredith, causing Meredith to break her gaze with Derek.

Cristina: So, what does he do?

Meredith shrugs.

Meredith: I don't know.

Cristina: You don't know?

Meredith: No. And while I have you guys all here, do not mention my last name or the fact that I'm going to medical school in the fall.

Cristina arches her eyebrow and opens her mouth to speak, but Izzie beats her to it.

Izzie: Why?

Meredith: Because, I think it is better if we don't know how to find each other after this cruise is over. There is no point in trying to have a long distance relationship and there is no point in pretending that it will even work.

Cristain: Nice. Just when I begin to think your boring, you rise.

Meredith glances back over at Derek and she notices that his eyes are still on her.

Meredith: Whatever. If you guys are just going to give me hell, I will leave.

Cristina: Something better to do? Or should I say someone better to do?

The table erupts into a fit of laughter and Meredith turns to glare at them all. She picks a strawberry up off of the plate and takes a slow, sensuous bite, knowing that he is watching her.

Meredith (standing up): You know what, I do. Especially if you guys are going to be a bunch of asses.

Meredith ignores the stunned looks on all of their faces as she turns around and walks away from their table. She looks at Derek and notices the confused look on his face. She smirks at him. She could have some fun. She could, but should she? Why the hell not?

She redirects her steps towards Derek, very much aware of the four pairs of eyes that are staring at her back.

Derek's eyes widen in surprise as he notices her walking towards him. Her walk is confident and her eyes are fierce, turning him on even more. He swallows when she is only feet away, ignoring the questions that Mark is asking him. The only thing that he is registering is Meredith.

When Meredith reaches Derek she straddles his lap, his hands come to rest instinctively on her hips as he looks at her confused. She runs her fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp, before her lips crash down on his. Derek's gasp of shock turns into a groan of pleasure as Meredith forces her tongue into Derek's mouth.

He moves his hands from his hips to her hair as he tastes the strawberry that she just ate in the sweet saliva in her mouth. She moves her hips slightly, brushing his penis, and he emits a low growl into her mouth. Their tongues battle for control as the heat of the kiss increase.

Meredith finally pulls away when breathing becomes a necessity. Derek smirks at her as he brushes a strand of hair out of her face.

Derek: Hello.

Meredith: Hey.

Derek: So...

Meredith giggles as she blushes slightly. She can feel his erection beneath her.

Mark: That was one hell of a hello. Don't I get one?

Meredith jerks her head around and for the first time notices the other person at the table. Her mouth falls open slightly as she blushes even more. Derek glares at his friend.

Derek: Shut the hell up, Mark.

Mark smirks.

Mark: Aren't you going to introduce me, Derek?

Derek wraps his arms protectively around Meredith's waist as he glares at Mark over her shoulder.

Derek: No, Mark. I am not going to introduce you, you ass.

Derek looks at Meredith.

Derek: That asshole is Mark, manwhore extroidinaire.

Meredith giggles as she buries her face in Derek's neck, inhaling his masculine scent. She has this feeling in the pit of her stomach. It is a light feeling, almost like butterflies, but it isn't nerves. She doesn't know what it is. She just knows that it is new and that she likes it.

She can feel the smooth skin of Derek's face against her ear and she nuzzles further into him. His hands move over her spine as he relishes in the feeling of holding her in his arms. He inhales the scent of her hair. He needs to ask her what it is, because it is becoming his drug of choice. She is becoming his drug of choice.

Derek: You look beautiful..

When Derek speaks, his mouth is close to Meredith's ear and the haet of his breath sends chills down her spine. Meredith leans back so that she can look him in the eyes. She notices that her tube top is falling down slightly and she giggles as she pulls it back up. Derek chuckles at her as he pretends to tug it back down.

Mark watches his friend with a shocked expression. He hasn't seen Derek looks this happy, well, ever. He looks carefree and extremely happy. He gets up and leaves the table unnoticed by the others. He doesn't need to be infected by Derek's extreme sappiness.

Meredith leans her forehead against Derek's as plays with the ends of her hair.

Meredith: Are you enjoying your trip thus far?

Derek smiles at her.

Derek: Having the best time of my life. You?

Meredith giggles.

Meredith: Ditto.

Derek (chuckling): Ditto?

Meredith just nods.

They sit there for a moment, just staring into each other's eyes and playing with one another's hair.

Meredith: Derek?

Derek: Yes, Meredith?

Meredith: Show me your room.

Derek's eyes light up as he brushes his lips softly across hers. Meredith gets up off of his lap and reaches out her hand to him. Derek smiles as he reaches up and grabs her hand before standing up.

Anyone watching would think that the two were on their honeymoon. They appear to be two young people who are very much in love to anyone looking in. In fact, the only two people who don't know that Derek loves Meredith and Meredith loves Derek are Derek and Meredith. They believe that these things take time. That these things don't happen with just one look or in just one night.

Meredith and Derek walk towards Derek's room hand in hand, oblivious to the stares that follow them with envious eyes. Their feeling for each other are already stronger than any they have ever felt before, but they won't acknowledge them. They will pretend that they don't exist as they get lost in the moment because they are too afraid to think about the future, a future that is without the other.


	9. Chapter 9

Derek fumbles for his wallet so that he can retrieve his key card and let both him and Meredith into his room. He is still a bit shocked from her behavior on deck. He has no idea where that came from. Not that he minds.

Derek turns to Meredith as he opens the door.

Derek: So, that kiss..

Meredith arches her eyebrow.

Meredith: Did you have a problem with it?

Derek crosses his arms over his chest as he leans back against the now closed door.

Derek: No. I like the kissing. I'm all for the kissing. More kissing I say.

Meredith giggles as she walks around the room. He doesn't have much unpacked yet, but she can still see pieces of him scattered throughout the room. She notices a book on the table next to the bed, his computer on the desk, and a newspaper on the table.

Derek: I was just wondering where it came from.

Meredith turns to look at him.

Meredith: What do you mean?

Derek pushes himself off of the wall and walks towards her.

Derek: Well, one minute you were sitting with your friends and the next you are straddling me and kissing me.

Meredith crosses her arms over her chest, a move that he finds completely adorable.

Meredith: So?

Derek chuckles as he grabs her hips and pulls her closer to him. She keeps her arms crossed over her chest.

Derek: I just wanted to know what made you leave your friends and come to me.

Meredith sighs as she finally uncrosses her arms. She places her hands on Derek's shoulders and leans her forehead into his chest.

Meredith: They were begin asses. I wasn't planning on walking over to you, but I saw you watching me and I wanted to kiss you. So...I walked over to you and kissed you..plus, the look on your face was priceless.

Meredith giggles and Derek chuckles as he runs his fingers through her hair.

Derek: Well, anytime you want to kiss me, feel free to find me. I don't care if it is three in the morning. Knock on my door and kiss me.

Meredith giggles as she looks up at Derek.

Meredith: Seriously?

Derek nods.

Derek: Seriously.

Derek runs his finger slowly over Meredith's lips.

Derek: I like kissing you. Your lips taste like strawberries from your lipgloss.

Derek brings his finger up to his mouth and sucks on it.

Derek: Mmm.

Meredith giggles and Derek can't help but smile at her. Derek moves both of his hands to Meredith's hips once again and pulls her body up against his.

Derek (in a husky voice): You said you wanted to see my room, what would you like me to show you?

Meredith bites down on her bottom lip as she looks at him from under her lashes.

Meredith: Your bed.

Derek smirks as he picks Meredith up. She wraps her legs around his waist as he walks towards the bed. She gasps as she feels his erection pressing against her. She moves her hips slightly, causing Derek to groan as he stumbles forward. Luckily they have reached the bed, so they both land on the soft surface.

Meredith giggles underneath Derek and he feels his breath hitch in his throat at the sight before him. She is lying back on the bed and smiling happily as her hair is spread across the white duvet. She reaches up and grabs his shirt, pulling him down to her so that she can kiss him. She wants to kiss him. She needs to kiss him.

His lips crush down on hers as his pants tighten even more. He runs his tongue along her bottom lip, tasting her cherry lipgloss and begging entrance into her mouth, which she grants. His tongue delves into the depths of her mouth as her hands run over the muscles of his back. He pulls back and stares into his eyes, getting lost in their depth.

Derek: Mer...I...

Meredith grinds her hips up against him, causing his train of thought to melt into a puddle. She makes him melt into a puddle. She redefines his state of being. He goes from being a solid to a liquid in seconds at her presence. She lowers his melting point and she causes his body heat to increase.

Her fingers run down his chest and over his abdomen. Her fingers find the hem of his shirt and she tugs on it. Derek sits up and pulls his shirt over his head, revealing his chiseled chest and abdomen. Meredith sits up and quickly runs her hands over Derek's bare chest before sticking her arms up in the air. Derek chuckles as he reaches down and pulls her tube top over her head. He allows his eyes to scan over her body. She is wearing a strapless indigo bra. He loves indigo, especially on her.

Meredith begins to work on Derek's belt as Derek turns his attention to unbuttoning Meredith's capris. Derek already has Meredith's pants unbuttoned by the time she unbuttons his belt. He pulls her capris off before disgarding his own pants and boxers. He stands in front of her naked and watches as her eyes look up and down his body. Once her eyes meet his, he smirks at her and she bites down on her bottom lip. Derek groans as he sees her matching indigo thong.

Derek (almost in a growl): I love indigo.

He watches as Meredith runs her slender fingers up her leg and over the thin piece of indigo material that is covering her soft mound. His eyes widen and he licks his lips as she moves the material aside and begins to run her fingers over her soft folds. She moans as she rubs her own clit.

Derek can't take it anymore. He runs his hands up the soft skin of her legs. She gasps as she feels his masculine hands run across her sensitive inner thigh. He grabs her hand and stops her finger from stroking her clit. She gasps in surprise at this move. He smirks at her.

Derek: That is for me to do.

Meredith bites down on her lip and nods her head as Derek pulls her thong down. He places his hands on her knees, spreading her legs open before him. Meredith shudders in anticipation.

Derek: What do you want for me to do?

Meredith feels herself panting at just the thought of what she wants him to do. She doesn't need foreplay. Just the thought of foreplay has made her ready for him. She needs him. She needs him inside of her now.

Meredith: I want you inside of me.

Derek smirks at her, enjoying the power he is currently wielding.

Derek: What part of me do you want inside of me?

He gasps when Meredith reaches up and grabs his throbbing cock. She moves her thumb slowly over his tip, eliciting a low moan from him.

Meredith: This part. I want this part of you inside of me right now.

Derek doesn't need anymore prompting, nor does he wants it. He reaches over into the nightstand and pulls out a condom. He opens the silver package and quickly slides it on before lowering himself over Meredith's tiny body.

He runs the tip of his penis over her slick folds, causing her to arch her body up into his. She runs her fingers roughly through his air as he moves his mouth up her chest.

Meredith: Derek!

As soon as his name has rolled off of her tongue he thrusts his long, hard shaft into her opening. She screams in intense pleasure as he fills her. He holds still for a moment as he allows her time to adjust to his size. Once he feels her nails digging into his back, ha can't hold still anymore and he begins to thrust into her quickly.

The sounds of her pants and the pain caused by her nails spurn him on as he pushes. He pushes and he pushes hard. The headboard of the bed begins to bang against the wall with each thrust as their shouts of pleasure mingle with the banging sound.

Their minds become cloudy as their pleasure washes over them. Derek feels Meredith's walls tightening around his shaft and he knows that she is close. He feels his own body begin to tighten as she starts to tremble underneath him. He thrusts one more time as he releases with a low growl of pleasure.

He lies on top of her as he struggles for oxygen. Meredith is panting beneath him.

Meredith: Maybe later you can show me the shower.

Derek smirks.

Derek: Definitely.

Derek rolls off of her and pulls her into his arms. He inhales the floral scent of her hair as he feels his eyes getting heavy. He is lost in her and he doesn't want to find his way back. As he drifts off to sleep he can't help but think about how much he enjoys holding her and how he never wants to let her go.

Meredith feels herself drifting off to sleep, when something occurs to her.

Meredith: Derek?

Derek: Mmhmm?

Meredith: You can kiss me anytime you want to as well.

She can feel Derek's lips for a smile as they press against her shoulder.

Derek: That's good to know.

Meredith drifts off to sleep, thinking about the way his arms feel around her. She loves the way his arms feel around her. She can't help but think about how she never wants him to let her go, but he will. They will let each other go in four short weeks. That is the plan. That is the plan and she is sticking to it. She has to. But that doesn't change the fact that Meredith feels more at home in his arms that she has ever felt anywhere else and she has no idea why.


	10. Chapter 10

Meredith wakes up with a familiar taste of iron in her mouth and she instantly knows what that means even before she feels the intense cramp ripple through her abdomen, causing her to curl up in a tight ball while emitting a low groan. She knew this was coming. She knew. That is why she chose to wear a ratty pair of underwear last night with a panty liner. That is also the reason that she made an excuse to spend the night alone. She didn't want to subject Derek to her PMS symptoms.

She tightens her grip around her legs as she tries to make herself get up and go to the bathroom. It hurts. It hurts to move. It hurts to walk. It hurts to lie there. It hurts to breathe. If there is a God, he hates her. Seriously.

She pulls herself to the edge of the bed and forces herself to her feet. She ambles to the bathroom in a slouched over position. Her flow isn't heavy. It isn't heavy at all. It's just everything the cramps that reduce her to a groaning pile of flesh for the first two days of her period every single month. She can usually function with the medication that her doctor prescribed for her. Her medication that she just happened to leave at home. Figures. Like she said, God hates her. God hates Meredith Grey and it feels as if at this moment he is kicking her in the ovaries to express that intense hatred.

She slowly pulls on a pair of navy blue Juicy sweats and pulls a sweatshirt over her head. She then turns the thermostat down in her room. She wants to be comfortable. She needs to be comfortable, and growing up in Boston, sweats are comfortable.

She groans as the cramps intensify a bit. She begins to make her way back towards her bed, where she intends to spend the next two days. She should probably call Derek and figure out something to tell him. They have spent every day and every night together for the past week, so a couple of days won't hurt anything. Right?

She walks over to the nightstand to grab her cell phone. As she moves her finger to press the send button, there is a knock on her door. She glances at the door before looking back at the phone. She wonders who in the hell is knocking on her door. All of her friends know to avoid Mega-bitch Meredith during the first two days of her period, so they avoid her like the plague.

She ambles over to the door, her phone still gripped in her hand, as the knocking persists. She reaches the door and turns the handle and is somewhat shocked to see who is standing on the other side of the door. Her mouth falls slightly open as she stares at him.

Meredith: Derek! What are you doing here?

Derek cocks his head slightly to the side as he feigns hurt.

Derek: Aren't you happy to see me?

Meredith bends over slightly, trying to ease the pain while also attempting to hide her discomfort from Derek. Unfortunately, Derek notices the pained look the crosses her face and he rushes to her side, placing his hand on her lower back.

Derek: Are you okay?

Meredith (through gritted teeth): I'm fine.

Derek: Meredith, I can tell that you are in pain.

Meredith sighs.

Meredith: I'm fine. Really.

Derek tilts his head to the side as he stares her down.

Derek: Meredith.

Meredith leans her body into Derek's and he automatically wraps his arms around her. He leans forward and kisses her on her hair as he runs one of his hands up and down her back.

Derek: Just tell me what it is.

Meredith: Cramps.

Derek straightens a bit.

Derek: Oh.

Meredith: Yeah. Sucks.

Derek: I'm sorry, baby. Is there anything I can do?

Meredith shakes her head no.

Meredith: I just laze around for the next two days. Sorry, but I won't be leaving this room.

Derek chuckles as he brushes a strand of hair out of Meredith's face.

Derek: Why don't you go lay down and I will be back in a couple of minutes.

Meredith cocks her eyebrow as she looks at him.

Meredith: What?

Derek: I will even take your key with me so you don't have to get back up.

Meredith: You mean you actually want to spend time with me today?

Derek chuckles again.

Derek: Why wouldn't I want to spend time with you?

Meredith: Well, I'm not the nicest person at this time of the month and there won't be any sex…

Derek cocks his brow as he looks at her.

Derek: First of all, you don't scare me and you deserve to be a little bitchy, if you are, because I know that you are pain. Secondly, do you think that this is just about sex?

Meredith arches her eyebrow as she stares at him, her mouth is slightly agape as she is attempting to recover from the shock of his words. No man has ever told her it was okay to be a bitch. And this is just about sex, right? It has to be. It has to be just about sex because there is now way that this can go past the three weeks that are remaining. It has to be. It has to be just about sex but that doesn't mean that they can't spend time together. Right? If he wants to put up with Mega-bitch Meredith then God help him, because he is going to need it. Maybe this new persona will scare him away and make it easier for her to leave him in three weeks. Yeah. That is it. That is why she is going to go along with this. To scare him away and make it easier on herself.

Meredith: They keycard is on the table next to the bed.

Meredith starts to move slowly back towards the bed, but Derek walks over to her and picks her up, carrying her over to the bed. Meredith just stares at him, unable to find words at the moment. No one has ever treated her this way. She doesn't know what to say. She doesn't know how to act. It's all knew to her.

Derek leans down and kisses her gently on the forehead before reaching over and grabbing the keycard.

Derek: I will be back in a few minutes.

Meredith: You better bring some strawberry ice cream back with you.

Derek chuckles.

Derek: Sure thing.

Meredith finds herself smiling at the door after it closes behind Derek's masculine form. She doesn't realize she's smiling. She doesn't even realize that the pain isn't even as bad anymore. She doesn't realize these things, and she doesn't realize that the origin of these things is the man whom she is now waiting for.

Meredith doesn't move as she hears the door unlock and the handle turn. She hears him making his way across the room and towards her bed, but she still doesn't move. She lies curled up in the fetal position, the covers serving as a cocoon as she hides from the outside world.

She hears Derek place several items on the table before moving to put some things in the fridge. She listens intently, not wanting to move, the covers and her position providing heat and causing the pain in her uterus to ease just a bit. No one has ever done this for her before, so she is completely unsure as to what to do.

The bed moves under the weight of Derek's body as he sits down on the edge of the bed. She has no idea what he is doing. That is, until his body appears under the covers followed by his head. She smiles weakly at him as he brushes a strand of hair out of her face.

Derek: What are we doing?

Meredith: Trying to make it stop.

Derek furrows his brow at her as he begins to run his hand up and down her back.

Derek: Cramps?

Meredith just nods.

Derek moves his body closer to Meredith's.

Derek; Is there anything I can do?

Meredith just shakes her head.

Meredith: I don't think so. I don't know. I've never had anyone want to help me like this before.

Derek; Seriously?

Meredith: Seriously.

Derek: Meredith?

Meredith looks into his eyes.

Meredith: Yeah?

Derek: I'm here.

Meredith smiles at him, the pain easing a bit more. She can feel his hot breath against her face.

Meredith: Thank you.

Derek: It is my pleasure.

Derek smiles at her, and Meredith can't help but reciprocate. She pushes the covers off of her, emerging from her cocoon, feeling somewhat different but not really. She sits up and leans back against the headboard, pulling her legs up against her chest. She looks at Derek.

Meredith: So, what did you bring?

Derek chuckles as he stands up and walks over the table. He removes several items and walks back over to the bed. He spreads the items out in front of Meredith.

Meredith: Movies, crosswords, sudoku, and Cosmo. You brought Cosmo?

Meredith giggles as she asks this.

Derek shrugs.

Derek: When my sisters would veg out they would always pile up with a Cosmo and chocolate, so I thought we could try it.

Meredith tilts her head to the side as she stares at Derek.

Meredith: You are willing to have a girls' night and day with me?

Derek chuckles as he gets up on his knees and kisses her on the forehead.

Derek: If that is what you want, then that is what we will do.

Meredith: You really are something, Derek.

Derek smirks.

Derek: A good something or a bad something?

Meredith smiles as she traces her finger along his jawline.

Meredith: An amazing something.

Derek chuckles as he leans into her touch.

Meredith: So, what food did you bring me?

Derek continues to chuckle as he gets up off of the bed and retrieves a bag from the floor. He pours the contents of the bag out onto the bed. Meredith's eyes widen with a mixture of shock and extreme pleasure.

Meredith: MMmmm.

She rubs her stomach as she stares at the various foods lying in front of her.

Derek: Hungry?

Meredith: Starving.

Derek: Well, what do you want?

Meredith continues to glance around at all of the food. She reaches forward and grabs a chocolate bar that is next to Derek's leg.

Derek: Do you want a coke?

Meredith moans in pleasure as she takes a bite.

Meredith; Oh my God, you are amazing. Yes, please.

Derek can't help but chuckle once again as he walks to the minifridge to grab Meredith a coke. He stares at her a moment before sitting back down on the bed. She looks so happy. She is smiling through all of her pain and it's nice that this isn't about sex. This is about them spending time together. He is happy that he can be there for her.

Meredith: What?

Derek shakes his head and snaps out of his reverie as returns to the bed. Meredith opens the can and takes a big drink.

Derek: Nothing.

Meredith leans back against the headboard once again as she grabs a bag of chips and begins to eat them.

Meredith: Tell me something about yourself.

Derek: What do you want to know?

Meredith shrugs.

Meredith: Anything that doesn't violate the rules.

Derek's face falls a bit.

Derek: Ah, the rules.

He quickly recovers, not wanting Meredith to see his crestfallen appearance.

Derek: Well, I have three older sisters, all very girly with tons of kids. My favorite band is The Clash. My favorite novel is The Sun Also Rises. Favorite color is blue. Not light blue. I don't like light blue. Dark blue. See this scar?

Derek points to a small scar on his forehead and Meredith squints before nodding.

Derek: That's why I don't ride motorcycles anymore. Mark is my best friend, but more like my brother.

Derek pauses and looks at her. She is digesting every word he says.

Derek: I think it's your turn.

Meredith: My turn?

Derek chuckles.

Derek: Yes, your turn.

Meredith bites down on her bottom lip and looks at him.

Meredith: Well, I am an only child. My favorite band is Duran Duran. Umm…poison of choice is Tequila. I don't know what else.

Derek: What about your parents?

Derek notices the pained look that crosses Meredith's face.

Meredith: My mom had an affair with a coworker, so my father left. After that she wasn't really around. Now she is remarried to that man and gives me money to stay out of her hair.

Derek leans in to Meredith and looks at her, sincerity and sympathy etched in his expression.

Derek: I'm sorry.

Meredith just shrugs.

Meredith: It happens.

Derek: But you deserve better.

Meredith looks at him.

Meredith: How do you know that?

Derek: I just do.

Meredith sighs.

Meredith: What about your parents?

Derek: Ehh…well…my parents have been married for almost forty years.

Meredith: Oh. You had _that_ family.

Derek arches his eyebrow.

Derek: Which family?

Meredith: The disgustingly perfect one.

Derek chuckles.

Derek: I guess you could say that. But I really am sorry about your mom.

Meredith: Don't be. I'm not. Let's watch a movie.

Derek smiles at Meredith's obvious attempt to avoid the subject.

Derek: I was hoping we could take a look at the "Crazy-Ass Moves He Wants You to Do to Him There" article in the latest Cosmo.

Meredith giggles as she hits Derek with a pillow. Derek grabs the pillow from her.

Derek (feigning hurt): What was that for?

Meredith giggles again.

Meredith: For being a pervert.

Derek arches his eyebrow.

Derek: You like me being a pervert.

Meredith: Yes. I do. But only when sex is imminent.

Derek chuckles as he gets up and grabs the remote. He settles back on the bed before handing the remote to Meredith. She cuddles into his body as he wraps his arm around her. They settle in for a long day of relaxation, both finding themselves more and more entwined as more time passes.

**You guys are almost caught up. :D**

**-Marci**


	11. Chapter 11

Meredith wakes up, not remembering drifting off to sleep, and Derek's arms are wrapped securely around her. She looks up and meets his blue eyes.

Derek: How are you feeling?

Meredith cuddles into Derek's solid body and he tightens his arm around her.

Meredith: Much better now.

Derek: Good. That's good.

Meredith sighs as she rolls onto her back. Derek moves onto his side and gazes longingly down at her.

Derek: What's wrong?

Meredith: Nothing. Everything is perfect. Just perfect.

Derek stares at her for a moment.

Derek: Something is bothering you.

Meredith sighs as she reaches her arms into the air.

Meredith: That is the problem. The problem is that everything is perfect. Everything is so perfect and it will all be ending soon. Too soon. And it is perfect.

Tears begin to run down Meredith's cheeks. Derek leans down and brushes them away with the pad of his thumb.

Derek: Hey…shh…it's okay..

Derek can't say that the same thoughts haven't been running through his mind. In fact, it is all that he has been able to think about as he lie there with her in his arms.

Meredith begins to wipe furiously at her face.

Meredith: Sorry. It's my hormones. Sorry.

Derek: Don't apologize. It's fine. I have been thinking the same thing.

Meredith stops her movements and stares at him. Something like hope shines in her eyes.

Meredith: You have?

Derek chuckles as he leans down and places a soft kiss on her lips.

Derek: Of course I have.

Meredith: Oh.

Meredith suddenly sits up.

Meredith: No. We can't do this. We can't talk about this. We can't. Nothing past this trip. We can't.

Derek sighs.

Derek: I know. It's okay.

Meredith: Let's just pretend that this conversation never happened.

Meredith doesn't wait for Derek to respond before she gets up and goes to the bathroom. Derek can see that she is in pain by the way she is hunched over as she walks. He watches her walk and he feels something tear slightly within him. It's his heart. His heart is already to begin to hurt at the thought of leaving her. He can't. Can he? Can he love her already? No. No. That's not possible. It hasn't been long enough.

His missing her already is because he enjoys spending time with her. He enjoys hearing her giggle. He enjoys the way her skin feels in the morning as he trails his fingers lightly down her bare spine as she lies on her stomach still asleep. He enjoys the intensity that lies between her green irises, an intensity that tells him that she is strong. He enjoys her. He doesn't love her. There is a difference. At least that is what he keeps telling himself. He needs to tell himself this. He needs to.

Derek's thoughts are interrupted by Meredith's return. He looks up at her and smiles, attempting to shove these thoughts of love out of his mind.

Meredith: If there is a God, he is a chauvinist pig.

Derek chuckles.

Derek: Why would you say that?

Meredith: How would you feel if once a month your balls ached nonstop?

Derek winces slightly before answering her.

Derek: Point taken. God is a chauvinist pig.

Meredith sighs as she plops down on the bed.

Meredith: That's all I'm saying.

Derek chuckles before they slip into a comfortable silence. They lie next to each other staring up at the ceiling, just enjoying the warmth that is radiating off of the other's body. Just knowing the other is there, just feeling that heat, that is enough for them. Meredith finally breaks that silence.

Meredith: Der?

Derek: Hmm?

Meredith: What is your biggest fear?

Derek props himself up on his elbow and stares down at her.

Derek: Failing.

Meredith looks up at him.

Meredith: At what?

Derek: Anything. Yours?

Meredith: Not being good enough.

Derek: For what?

Meredith: Anyone.

Derek notices the pain flash across her face as she answers him.

Derek: Mer…

Meredith fakes a smile at him as she sits up.

Meredith: I'm going to go take a shower. Be back in a bit.

Meredith smiles at Derek before disappearing into the bathroom. He saw the pain. He knows it is there. He wishes that he could tell her that she is good enough. That she is better than good enough. He wishes that he could tell her that how she makes him feel, but he doesn't even know the extent of his own feelings. He wants to make her feel better. He wants to make her smile. He wants to make her see how great she is. He needs time. He needs more time. Unfortunately, their time is running out and it seems that the days begin to pass quicker and quicker as the end of the trip draws near.

If only they could suspend time. If only they could do something, anything to extend the trip. If only. If only both of them would open their eyes and see that their chance meeting isn't chance at all, but a cruel game that fate has played on them. A game of cat and mouse and hide and seek as she drags these soul mates along a more difficult path for her own pleasure.

They are trying to ignore the impending pain and enjoy the current pleasure. They are trying, but even as the hot water hits Meredith's tired muscles, the pain is there. It is not something hot water, massages, or liquor can take away. The only drug for the pain is Derek and the diagnosis is a slowly breaking heart.


	12. Chapter 12

**The song used in this update is A Fine Frenzy's Almost Lover...**

Meredith runs her fingers over the cool glass as the scenery passes beneath her. She can't believe it's over. She can't believe that it's done. Everything feels so cold. She feels so alone. It's done. It's over. So over. She closes her eyes, forcing the tears to remain at bay. Instead, images of last night appear on the back of her eyelids like a movie being projected onto a screen.

_**Your fingertips across my skin  
The palm trees swaying in the wind  
Images  
You sang me Spanish lullabies  
The sweetest sadness in your eyes  
Clever trick**_

_She stares deep into Derek's eyes, both very much aware that this is their last night together. Both feeling something they have never felt before, a connection that they hate to sever, a connection that they can't sever. They stare and escape the prison of time. Time that is tearing them apart from each other as they are forced to return to the real world._

_They love each other. They both know that they love the other, but neither are willing to break the rules. Neither are willing to break the rules because breaking the rules could lead to the breaking of their being._

_Derek takes a step towards Meredith. He reaches his hand up through the gaping space that separates their bodies which yearn for each other and he brushes a stray strand of hair out of her eyes. His eyes are so sad. His heart is so sad._

**_I never want to see you unhappy  
I thought you'd want the same for me_**

_They are doing this for each other. They don't want to leave the other hurt. They know that it could never work. Long distant relationships don't work. They just don't._

_Meredith leans into his touch, his fingertips sending chills down her spine as he trails them softly over her cheekbone. She wore her hair down for him. She knows how much he likes it when she wears it down._

_Derek tilts his head to the side. He needs to say it. He needs to tell her._

_Derek: Mer.._

_Meredith knows what he is thinking and she can't. She can't hear it. If she hears it, it will only make it that much harder to leave him. It will only make it that much harder to leave him in the morning._

_Meredith (pleading): Please, don't._

_Derek: Mer.._

_Meredith places her finger on Derek's lip._

_Meredith: Please, Derek. Please make love to me one last time._

_Derek can see the sadness in her eyes. He can see the pain._

_Derek (sighing): Goodbye sex?_

_Meredith (sighing): Goodbye sex. _

_**Chorus  
Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?  
So long, my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you  
Should've known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do** _

_ Derek leans in and kisses her softly. He pulls back before leaning in once again, this time the kiss becomes heated as his fingers work through her long, silky hair. His fingers move from her hair to her shoulder. They dance lightly over her collar bone before he pushes the straps of her black cocktail dress down. Once the straps are down, the dress easily falls to the floor._

_Meredith giggles into his mouth as the sudden gush of wind shocks her. She steps out of the dress as her nimble fingers begin to work at the buttons on his shirt. Tonight. Tonight they would take their time. Tonight. Tonight they are saying goodbye. _

_**We walked along a crowded street  
You took my hand and danced with me  
Images  
And when you left, you kissed my lips  
You told me you would never, ever forget  
These images**_

_Derek's eyes travel over her naked body, drinking her in, memorizing every inch, curve, and crevice of her body._

_Derek(in awe): You didn't wear anything under the dress._

_Meredith smiles at him as she pushes the shirt off of his shoulders. She runs her hands slowly over his shoulders as she inhales deeply, relishing in his scent, relishing in his touch. _

_**I'd never want to see you unhappy  
I thought you'd want the same for me** _

_Once they are undressed, they tumble back onto the bed. Meredith giggles as Derek falls on top of her. She runs her fingers over his well-defined back as his hard cock presses into her stomach. Derek smiles down at her as he places a gentle kiss on her forehead. He doesn't want this to end. He never wants this to end._

_Meredith scoots back on the bed and spreads her legs open for him. Derek looks up and sees her glistening lips waiting for him. He slowly runs his hands up his legs as he climbs up her body. He kisses her passionately, both keeping their eyes open as their tongues mingle, tasting each other for the last time. _

_**Chorus  
Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?  
So long, my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you  
Should've known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do**_

Cristina's voice cuts into Meredith's movie as she places it on pause and turns to look at her friend.

Cristina: Mer?? Are you okay?

Meredith reaches up and wipes away a tear that she didn't realize had escaped. She looks down at her lap before turning back to the window, looking at the ocean, but seeing his blue eyes instead. She closes her eyes and her real life movie restarts.

_**I cannot go to the ocean  
I cannot drive the streets at night  
I cannot wake up in the morning  
Without you on my mind  
So you're gone and I'm haunted  
And I bet you are just fine**_

_Derek: Meredith, look at me._

_Meredith looks up into Derek's deep blue eyes as he enters her. She wants to close her eyes, but forces them to remain open. She sees the way his face changes and his eyes darken as her slick walls surround him._

_She wraps her legs around his waist, digging her heels into his ass. She wants to feel him deeper than he has ever been before. He has already reached depths of her soul like none before, and now she wants him to physically fill her to the brim. She arches her back into him, maintaining eye contact as his movements are slow and tantalizing._

_When Meredith finally feels her climax building, she digs her nails into his back and squeezes her eyes shut._

_Derek (panting): Open your eyes. I want to look at you when you come._

_Meredith forces her eyes open and stares deep into Derek's eyes as her body begins to convulse and her walls tighten around him. Derek finds his release with her as they both yell out in pleasure._

_Derek collapses on top of Meredith as he tries to regain his breath. Meredith runs her nails up and down his spine, relaxing him even more. This is something that she always does. She finds comfort in doing it, and he finds comfort in her doing it._

_Derek reluctantly pulls himself out of her and rolls onto his side. He pulls her body up next to his as he kisses her hair and neck. His hand run down her sides and come to rest on her hips. His thumb moves in circles over her hip bone, lulling her into a sleep._

_Derek: Nap?_

_Meredith: Nap._

_Derek chuckles as he pulls her even closer into him. He wishes that they could just meld into one, then he wouldn't have to say goodbye. Then he wouldn't have to lose her. Then, she wouldn't be his almost lover, but his always lover._

_He hears her breathing deepen and lays his head down on the pillow next to hers, inhaling her intoxicating scent._

_Derek(sighing): I love you._

_Derek feels his eyes grow heavy and falls into a deep sleep with the love of his life in his arms. _

_**Did I make it that  
Easy to walk right in and out  
Of my life**_

_Meredith (whispering into the night): I love you too. _

Cristina: Mer, you're not alright.

Meredith looks over at her friend, her person. Cristina can see the sadness in her eyes.

Meredith: No. I'm not.

Cristina's mouth falls agape.

Cristina: You fell for him. You love him.

Meredith looks down out the window.

Meredith: Yeah….I love him. But it doesn't matter.

Cristina: Why the hell not?

Meredith: Because he's gone and it's over. He's gone and it's over and…

Cristina: What?

A small sob escapes from Meredith.

Meredith: I'm pregnant.

**_Chorus  
Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?  
So long, my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you  
Should've known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do_**


	13. Chapter 13

Meredith sighs as she lifts her tired and aching body from the cold, tiled bathroom floor. Morning sickness sucks. Morning sickness sucks old man ass.

Two weeks. It has been two weeks since she has arrived. It has been two weeks since the end of the cruise. It has been two weeks since he told her he loved her, well, sleeping her. It has been two weeks since she whispered into the night that she loves him. Two weeks since she left him.

Meredith rinses out her mouth as she stares at her pale reflection in the mirror. The image staring back at her shocks her. It isn't her. She looks so broken. She looks so sad. She looks so alone.

Maybe the person staring back is her. She feels broken. She feels sad. She is alone.

She wipes her mouth off on a bath towel, breaking the eye contact with her own reflection. She is going to be late. It is her first day of medical school and she is going to be late. She rushes to get ready and grabs the keys to her run down jeep before dashing out of the door. She is sure to lock all of the locks on the door to her apartment before stepping out into the dingy hall. Meredith sighs loudly as she begins to walk down the seven flights of stairs.

Meredith's mom is rich. She has a ton of money. But when Meredith told her mother, the Great Ellis Grey, that she was pregnant, her mother gave her an ultimatum: either get an abortion or she was completely on her own.

There was no way that Meredith was going to destroy a life that was created in love. There was no way she was going to destroy the only piece of him that she had left. There was no freaking way.

So, now Meredith is having to work full time while attending medical school. Her mother not only refuses to help her with living expenses, but has also refused to pay for her school. She doesn't know how she is going to do it. She doesn't know how she is going to do it all alone, but she has no choice. She has no choice but to do it alone.

Meredith inhales deeply as she jumps out of her jeep and runs towards the building where her class is being held. Running. Bad idea. She starts to feel nauseous again and has to stop and further empty the contents of her stomach. She wipes her forehead with the back of her head before continuing on towards her destination. She finds the classroom and hesitates outside before entering boldly. The professor looks up and meets her eyes. She suppresses a gasp. His eyes. Those are his eyes. And his hair. That is definitely his hair, but with strands of silver. It must be coincidence.

He looks somewhat annoyed as Meredith fidgets with her watch.

Professor: How nice of you to grace up with your presence, Miss?

Meredith: Grey, Meredith Grey.

Professor: Well, take a seat, Miss Grey and meet with me after class.

Meredith stares down at her shoes as she answers in a meek voice.

Meredith: Yes, sir.

Meredith walks towards a seat in the back and avoids looking at him. For some reason, it hurts to look at him. It hurts, but at the same time it gives her a certain comfort.

She absent mindedly runs her hand across her still flat abdomen. She wonders what it would feel like to have his hands on her stomach again while the life that they created together continues she grow.

She smiles wistfully as she imagines Derek holding a tiny bundle in his arms, a boy, a mini-Derek. He would be such a great father. Why didn't she tell him? Why didn't she let him know? Oh, that's right. She didn't want him to stay just because she was pregnant. She didn't want to hold him back. No strings attached. That was the deal. Only now there is a very strong piece of twine that is binding them together, whether he knows it or not.

The voice of the professor cuts into her daydreams.

Professor: That will be all for today. I expect you all to read chapters 2 and 3 for Wednesday. Always come prepared for a quiz. Have a good day.

The Professor begins to place various items into his brief case. Meredith stands up slowly, she is so tired, and walks up to him. She bites down on her bottom lip. He glances up at her.

Professor: Ahhh, Miss Grey. If you will just follow me to my office.

Meredith nods and follows the professor out of the classroom. They walk up several flights of stairs before they reach his office. She doesn't pay attention to the name plate that is on the door as she crosses the threshold. He positions himself behind the desk and motions for her to sit as he takes a seat himself.

Professor: Now, Miss Grey, I would like to know if you plan on showing up late to my class everyday?

Meredith clears her throat as she looks down at the floor before looking back into his bright blue eyes. She might as well tell him. Get it over with. He will know soon enough.

Meredith: I'm sorry, Professor. I…umm…well…the thing is…I..umm…well…I have horrible morning sickness.

The professor arches his eyebrows at her.

Professor: Morning sickness, Miss Grey?

Meredith: Yes, sir, and please, call me Meredith.

Professor: Alright, Meredith, but only if you call me Dr. Shepherd.

Meredith smiles warmly at him. He is actually being nice. He studies her carefully for a moment.

Dr. Shepherd: How far along are you?

Meredith: Six weeks.

Dr. Shepherd leans back in his chair and stares at the young woman. She looks tired. She looks worn. She looks familiar. And then it clicks.

Dr. Shepherd: You are the daughter of Ellis Grey.

Meredith smiles meekly.

Meredith: Not anymore.

Dr. Shepherd arches his eyebrow.

Dr. Shepherd: What do you mean?

Meredith sighs.

Meredith: You really don't want to know my history, Dr. Shepherd.

He runs his hand through his hair, something else that reminds her of Derek. She looks like she needs someone to talk to, and this is what he does. Both him and his wife are known to take those under their wing who seem to have no one else. Hell, his son's best friend basically lived under their roof.

Dr. Shepherd: Look, Meredith, I know that it is the first day and you don't really know me, but I can tell that you need to talk.

Meredith looks up at the kind eyes and tears begin to form in her eyes. Why is he being so nice?

Meredith: She disowned me because I refused to get an abortion. I didn't fit her mold anymore and I refused to let her take this away from me. I couldn't let her take this away from me.

Dr. Shepherd: I'm sorry, Meredith.

Meredith reaches up and quickly brushes the tears away.

Meredith: It's okay. Really.

Meredith looks at her watch and a panicked look crosses her face.

Meredith: I'm sorry for being late, Dr. Shepherd, but I really have to go. I'm going to be late for work.

Dr. Shepherd leans forward in his chair, a shocked expression on his face.

Dr. Shepherd: Work? How in the hell are you going to work and go to medical school?

Meredith: I have to. I have no choice. See you Wednesday Dr. Shepherd. Thanks for everything.

Meredith leaves the room quickly and Dr. Shepherd leans back in thought. He knew Ellis Grey was a bitch. His son had told him so numerous times. He just didn't realize she was so…inhumane.

The last thought that crosses Dr. Shepherd's mind before he leaves his office is the idea that this Meredith Grey would be a perfect match for his son.

If only he knew how perfect.

**All I can say is hehehehe...**

**-Marci**


	14. Chapter 14

Meredith rolls out of bed. It is cold. Novembers are so cold in New York. She looks out the window at the snow falling lightly. A sigh escapes from her lips as her hand drifts down to her abdomen. It isn't obvious, but it is there. A small baby bump.

She reluctantly swings her legs off of the bed. It is cold in her apartment. She can't afford to keep the heater on all the time. A shiver runs through her body. A shiver from the cold. A shiver from the loneliness.

She hugs her arms around her frail body as she looks out the window. The people passing by look so happy. The children when their parents are oblivious to the troubles of the world. What she wouldn't give to be that naïve child again.

Her alarm goes off. How long has it been since she has actually woken up to the alarm? Her sleep is haunted by images of him. Of his fingers trailing along her skin. Of his chuckle warming her blood. Of his arms surrounding her and protecting her. Images that pain her. Images that she should take comfort in, but they pain her.

She steps into the shower, the only place that she finds comfort. The hot water warms her cold body as it massages her tired muscles. Tired from the eight hour shift she worked last night. Tired from the restless nights. Tired from constantly missing him.

She looks down at her slightly swollen abdomen, the water trailing down her breasts and over her stomach. A stomach that is housing her growing child. Their growing child. She closes her eyes as her fingers dance across her stomach. She imagines a son. A son that looks just like his father with his bright blue eyes and dark curly hair. A son that giggles as he runs into his father's open arms. A father that is there. A father that completes their family. A father that is her husband.

She sinks down onto the floor of the shower, tears now running down her face.

Meredith: What did I do? What did I do? Oh God, what did I do?

A sob shakes her frail frame as the enormity of her decision comes crashing down on her. Because of her their child won't have a father. Because of her he will never know that he has a son. She should have told him. She should have let him know. She should have given him the choice to be there. She should have, but it is a little late for should haves.

The water chills, removing the few remnants of warmth that remain. She forces herself to her feet, her body shaky. Shaky from the cold. Shaky from lack of food. Shaky from the emotional turmoil that is violently coursing through her body. She braces herself against the wall as she tries to regain control over her body. She inhales deeply before exhaling slowly. She can do this. She has to do this. She has no choice.

She reaches down and turns off the now cold water before stepping out of the shower. She has class. She has to go to class with Dr. Shepherd. Dr. Shepherd who reminds her so much of him. Dr. Shepherd who has been so kind to her.

She gets dressed quickly and heads out the door to the one place she is able to find solace. She finds solace in his classroom because he reminds her of him and any reminder of him is better than nothing. Her thoughts wander as she makes her way to the busy campus. She wonders what his reaction would have been if she had told him. She wonders how he would be like off of the cruise liner. She wonders if he would be constantly worrying over her and needing to take care of her. She wonders. She wonders about things that she will never know.

She sighs as she steps onto the campus. She used to love the winter. She used to love curling up in a warm blanket with a hot cup of cocoa. She used to. But now. Now the winter seems to be nature's expression of her complete desolation and loneliness.

She reaches the classroom out of breath. She is tired, both emotionally and physically, and breathing has become a painful task at times. Especially as the cold air fills her lungs, making even the necessary task of breathing painful.

She pushes the door open to the classroom and is shocked that the only person in the class is Dr. Shepherd.

Meredith: Dr. Shepherd?

Dr. Shepherd looks up at Meredith and smiles warmly at her.

Dr. Shepherd: Meredith. Did you not receive my email?

Meredith blushes as she fidgets with her watch.

Meredith: No. I…um…I don't have the internet at home.

Dr. Shepherd: Oh. Well, I made class today optional because of the weather and as you can see, everyone else decided to stay at home.

Meredith: Oh.

Meredith looks down and starts to walk out.

Dr. Shepherd: Meredith?

Meredith turns and looks at him.

Dr. Shepherd: How would you like to come and have dinner with my family?

Meredith stares at him, shock on her face.

Meredith: I don't want to impose.

Dr. Shepherd chuckles. A chuckle that sends chills down her spine.

Dr. Shepherd: You will not be imposing. My wife has been dying to meet you.

Meredith bites down on her bottom lip. She is hungry. It has been a while since she has eaten a good meal.

Meredith: That would be nice. Thank you, Dr. Shepherd.

Dr. Shepherd stands up and places his laptop in his bag.

Dr. Shepherd: I just have to stop by my office and then when we can go.

Meredith: But…it's only 10AM.

Dr. Shepherd chuckles.

Dr. Shepherd: Yes. Yes it is.

He pauses and then looks back down at her.

Dr. Shepherd: Well, I could give you my address or you could go ahead and come over. It's Friday, which means the whole Shepherd clan will be there.

Meredith bites down on her bottom lip as she contemplates her choices.

Meredith (in a whisper): Okay.

Dr. Shepherd: Okay?

Meredith smiles at him.

Meredith: I would love to spend the day with your family.

Dr. Shepherd smile an all too familiar smile at her as he rubs his hands together.

Dr. Shepherd: That's settled then. Let's go.

Meredith follows Dr. Shepherd out of the classroom and to his office, neither aware of their significance to one another.

**I forgot to mention that I changed where Meredith goes to Medical school...she goes to Columbia...sorry...and you guys are almost caught up...**

**-Marci**


	15. Chapter 15

Meredith sighs as they approach the brownstone. The perfect house for what she assumes is the perfect family. Dr. Shepherd looks over at her with a worried expression.

Dr. Shepherd: Are you okay?

Meredith looks over at him and plasters a smile on her face.

Meredith: I'm fine. I just, well, I really don't do the family thing very well.

Dr. Shepherd smiles at her as they pull into the driveway.

Dr. Shepherd: Don't worry, Meredith. They will love you.

Meredith smiles weakly at him as he turns the ignition off. She runs her hand over her growing abdomen as she feels a tiny flutter. A real smile curves her lips as Dr. Shepherd opens the door and gets out, she follows suit.

The snow begins to fall even heavier as a shiver travels through Meredith's body. Dr. Shepherd notices this and smiles at her.

Dr. Shepherd: Let's go inside. The fire is probably roaring and my wife will probably make some hot chocolate.

Meredith smiles at the older man, unsure of why he is being so nice to her. She doesn't get it, but she doesn't argue as a loud rumble resonates from her stomach. She wishes that Derek was here. She wishes that she could curl up with him in front of the fire and drink hot chocolate with tons of marshmallows as they just bask in the enjoyment of the other's company.

She sighs as she walks towards the front door behind Dr. Shepherd, her heart feeling very heavy as the loneliness of the holiday season finally begins to set in. What she wouldn't give to have a family like the Shepherds. What she wouldn't give to have a home instead of a dingy apartment. What she wouldn't give to not be alone. What she wouldn't give to have Derek back.

The front door opens and an elder woman steps out onto the front porch. She smiles warmly at them before ushering them into the warm house. Meredith immediately feels the warmth not only from the fireplace, but from the complete homeliness offered by the immaculate brownstone.

Mrs. Shepherd: Hello, dear. My husband has told me so many great things about you.

She sticks out her hand.

Mrs. Shepherd: I'm Mrs. Shepherd, but you can call me Carol.

Meredith smiles warmly.

Meredith: It's nice to meet you Carol. I'm Meredith.

Meredith blushes as Mrs. Shepherd drops her hand and envelops her in a hug, becoming self-conscious as her growing belly presses against the older woman. Mrs. Shepherd smiles down at her after she hugs her.

Mrs. Shepherd: How far along are you?

Meredith (as she runs her hand over her abdomen): Sixteen weeks.

Mrs. Shepherd smiles broadly as she places a hand on her shoulder.

Mrs. Shepherd: Do you know the sex yet?

Meredith bites down on her bottom lip to keep the tears from falling. She blames the hormones. She denies that her tears are prompted by the fact that he isn't there. He isn't there to share in her joy. Their joy. He doesn't even know about that joy.

Meredith: It's a boy.

Mrs. Shepherd's face lights up.

Mrs. Shepherd: Congratulations!

Meredith tries to hide the sad expression that she knows crosses her face, but Mrs. Shepherd notices is and places her palm on Meredith's back. She looks at her husband.

Mrs. Shepherd: Michael, why don't you call the girls and find out what time they are coming over and then call Derek and make sure he is coming tonight. I know the hospital owns him, but I haven't seen him in weeks.

Meredith's heart flutters just at the sound of his name. She knows that it isn't her Derek, but that doesn't stop the fluttering and the instant rush of blood to her head that speaks to her intense love for a man she has not seen in four months. A love that has not faded, but grown and blossomed into an entity all unto itself.

Michael smiles at his wife before placing a kiss on her forehead.

Dr. Shepherd: Yes, dear.

He walks out of the foyer and into his office to place the calls. Mrs. Shepherd ushers Meredith into the kitchen, where Meredith takes a seat on a barstool.

Mrs. Shepherd: What can I get for you to drink?

Meredith: I'm fine. Really. I don't want to be a problem.

Mrs. Shepherd smiles at Meredith. Michael has told her about the young girl, so she knows what a hard life she has lived and continues to live.

Mrs. Shepherd: It is no problem, Meredith. It is honestly a pleasure. Now, what would you like to drink?

Meredith bites down on her bottom lip as she splays her palm over her abdomen.

Meredith: Umm…well…I have been craving orange juice if you have any…I mean…if that's okay…I don't want to be a problem…so only if you have it…you know what? Water is fine. Water sounds great…really.

Mrs. Shepherd laughs as she walks over to the fridge and pulls out the bottle of freshly squeezed orange juice. She pours Meredith a large glass of orange juice and places it on the counter in front of her.

Mrs. Shepherd: What would you like to eat?

Meredith: I'm fine. Really.

Meredith's stomach chooses this moment to growl loudly. Mrs. Shepherd laughs and Meredith can't help but giggle.

Meredith: Okay. Maybe I am hungry.

Mrs. Shepherd: What would you like?

Meredith: Whatever you're having?

Mrs. Shepherd: I was going to make some country potato soup. How does that sound?

Meredith instinctively licks her lips as she smiles broadly, warmth flooding her capillaries.

Meredith: That sounds great.

Meredith and Mrs. Shepherd continue to chat happily as they eat their lunch together. They bond as Meredith finds herself more comfortable with the older woman than she ever felt with her own mother. It is only when Mrs. Shepherd brings up her family that the smile fades from Meredith's face.

Mrs. Shepherd: So, tell me about your family.

A frown creases Meredith's brow as she plays with a chunk of potato that remains at the bottom of her almost empty bowl.

Meredith: Umm…well…my mother disowned me when I refused to get an abortion and my stepfather could do nothing but stand by her side. My father left when I was five and I haven't seen him since.

Mrs. Shepherd arches her brow as she looks at the young woman in front of her. She looks so alone.

Mrs. Shepherd: If you don't mind me asking, why did you refuse to get an abortion?

Meredith's eyes gloss over with tears as she looks at the kind eyes of Carol.

Meredith: Because it's all I have left of him. It's…I…I just couldn't destroy something that was a part of someone that I loved…love…so much.

Mrs. Shepherd: What happened to him?

Meredith can't help but feel some relief at finally talking to someone about this. Someone other than the extremely cynical Cristina or the obnoxiously bubbly Izzie. She sighs as she rests her chin on her hand.

Meredith: We met on a cruise. His room was next to mine and there was instant chemistry. He just…got me. I have never felt that way about anyone before my entire life, and it scared me. It really scared me so I made these stupid rules. I don't even know his last name. I don't know where he lives. I don't know what he does. I thought it would be easier. I thought it would be easier to let him go if I didn't know. Being with him was the first time I never felt alone. It was the first time that I felt okay just being me. He…and I…and we…and now…I don't know what I'm going to do.

A few tears escape and run down Meredith's cheeks. As her next words escape in a strangled and tortured voice.

Meredith: I should have told him. I should have but I was so scared. He deserved to know. He…I should have told him.

Mrs. Shepherd feels her heart reach out to the young girl, but something in her story sounds vaguely familiar.

Mrs. Shepherd: Why didn't you tell him?

Meredith: I…I didn't want to be an obligation. I didn't…I just found out the day before I left…and I still hadn't had time to process, but I didn't want him to want to be with me out of obligation. I didn't…I was stupid…I was so stupid.

Meredith's shoulders begin to shake as tortured moans escape from her mouth. Carol quickly walks around the counter and wraps her arms around Meredith's tiny frame. Meredith immediately leans into her body and for the first time in four months she allows someone to offer her comfort.

**There's only two more updates until you guys are caught up. I started my own board, so that is why this has taken so long to get up. And I have three exams next week and I'm volunteering at the hospital now, so life is crazy. So thank you for being patient. I hope you like it. **

**-marci**


	16. Chapter 16

Meredith clutches the cup of hot chocolate in her hands as she sits on the sofa in front of the fire. Her feet are curled up under her body as she watches the flames dance. She sees images in the flames. Images of her in Derek in front of a fire just like this, cuddled up in a warm, fuzzy blanket as they drink their hot chocolate and sit in silence. His hand would be on her abdomen as they enjoy the warmth that one can only find during a blizzard in front of a fire. A warmth that one can only find in the arms of their lover. A warmth that only she can find in the arms of Derek.

She sighs audibly, not intending to, and earns a concerned look from Mrs. Shepherd.

"Is everything okay, dear?" Mrs. Shepherd asks with concern evident in her voice.

Meredith smiles as she turns to look at a woman that she is already growing to love.

"Everything is perfect," Meredith sighs as she returns her focus to the raging flames.

Mrs. Shepherd smiles at her warmly before walking over and sitting down on the sofa next to her.

"Everything is almost perfect," Mrs. Shepherd amends.

Meredith turns to look at the older woman and smiles in acknowledgement before looking down into her cup and staring at her melting marshmallows. The tears well up in her eyes of their own volition. She has never cried this much before in her life. Maybe it is because she has never been treated as nicely as Mrs. Shepherd is treating her. She is making Meredith want to talk to her.

"I can't do this. I can't do this alone," Meredith finally whispers, tears now running down her cheek.

Mrs. Shepherd places her hand on Meredith's back.

"You don't have to, Meredith. As far as I'm concerned, the moment you stepped foot through that front door you became a member of this family."

Meredith reaches up and quickly brushes away her tears. No one has ever been this nice to her. She has never belonged to a family before.

"I.." She doesn't really know what to say.

"You don't have to say anything. But just so you know, family dinners are every Friday and I expect to see you at them." Mrs. Shepherd smiles warmly at Meredith before getting off of the couch and leaving her sitting in the den alone with her thoughts.

She belongs somewhere. Finally. After 22 years she belongs somewhere. Her and her baby. Her baby will have grandparents. Her baby will have aunts. The thought overwhelms Meredith as she sits there. She doesn't even hear Dr. Shepherd walk in and sit down.

"So, how is medical school going for you so far?" he asks, interrupting her thoughts. She jumps slightly and turns to face him.

"It's…good," she responds simply.

"Are you still trying to work and go to school?" he asks in a voice filled with concern.

Meredith smiles warmly at him as she responds. "I don't have a choice," she says, the struggle evident in her voice.

Dr. Shepherd opens his mouth to speak, but just as he does the scent from the cooking dinner reaches Meredith's nose. It smells like…fish. Suddenly she feels the familiar nausea and she quickly places the coffee cup on the table and runs to the bathroom.

Meredith is lucky that she used the bathroom before, or she wouldn't have known where it is and she wouldn't have made it. She kneels in front of a new statue of the same porcelain god and begins to empty the light contents of her stomach. She jumps slightly when she feels a soft hand on her back. She turns and looks into the warm eyes of Mrs. Shepherd. Mrs. Shepherd dampens a cloth and places it on the back of Meredith's neck. This is the first time anyone has comforted her while she was sick. Well, besides on the cruise when Derek was always there for her.

"Thank you," Meredith says in a strangled voice before she turns back to the toilet and begins to dry heave, the contents of her stomach having already been emptied.

Mrs. Shepherd continues to rub her back. "How bad is the nausea for you?" She asks with concern in her voice.

"It's horrible. I thought that it was supposed to be over by now. The morning are the worst, but certain smells also set it off," Meredith responds with a groan as she leans her forehead against the cool seat of the toilet. Her face feels hot and her body is beginning to ache.

"Have you thought about getting some medicine for it?"

Meredith shakes her head no before bending back down over the toilet. There is a soft knock on the door before it is pushed open slightly. It is Dr. Shepherd.

"I'm sorry to barge in, but Derek called. Apparently the blizzard has caused several accidents and he won't be able to leave the hospital," he says in an exasperated voice.

Mrs. Shepherd sighs. "We all know how it is, dear. He can't help it."

"I know," he says as he runs a hand through his hair. "How is she?" He asks in a worried voice.

Mrs. Shepherd smiles up at her husband as Meredith groans and leans back against the side of the tub. Mrs. Shepherd places the back of her hand on Meredith's forehead to check for a tentative temperature.

"Oh dear, you are burning up. You must have the flu," Mrs. Shepherd says with worry.

Meredith groans in response. Mrs. Shepherd turns to her husband.

" Why don't you go put some fresh sheets on the bed in the guest room and find a pair of one of the girl's pajamas. She needs to be in bed."

Dr. Shepherd nods at his wife before turning to follow her instructions.

"You don't have to do that," Meredith manages to say before beginning to dry heave once again.

"Yes, I do. There will be no arguing it. You are staying here until you are better. It is about time you had someone take care of you." Mrs. Shepherd's voice leaves no room for argument and Meredith can't help but be glad about that.

Meredith suppresses a gasp as she feels a twinge in her back. It's nothing. Just a pain in her back from being on the floor for so long. She decides to ignore the telling pain as Dr. Shepherd returns with the pajamas. Mrs. Shepherd leaves her alone to change.

Meredith stares at her pale reflection in the mirror for a moment. Her eyes travel down to her abdomen and she gasps in shock. She popped. She looks huge and pregnant. Obviously pregnant. She pulls the shirt over her head before running her fingers over the soft contours of her swollen abdomen. Her son is in there. Their son is in there.

She sighs before changing into the pajamas. She feels another twinge in her back, but it is still dull. Nothing sharp. So, it must be nothing. Right? She convinces herself that it is nothing before opening the bathroom door and meeting Mrs. Shepherd in the hallway.

"Let's get you into bed," Mrs. Shepherd tells her before ushering her upstairs and into a large, but comfortable guest room. "You just lie down and I will bring you some crackers and ginger ale in a bit," she says as she pulls back the duvet.

Meredith smiles at her. "Thank you," she says while climbing underneath the comforter. It is so nice and warm. Her eyes close almost instantly and Meredith immediately finds herself back on the cruise and in the arms of her love.

**So..I changed the style of writing a bit. I hope you guys like it. There is one more update until you are all caught up...sorry it's taking so long...have been busy with school and creating a new board...so things have been hectic. **

**-Marci**


	17. Chapter 17

Meredith opens her eyes, only to be surrounded by the darkness. The thick covers and the central heating are protecting her from the biting cold that she has grown so used to. She isn't sure why she is awake. She doesn't feel the need to vomit like she has the other times she has been yanked from her blissful return to her endless summer nights in the arms of Derek.

She turns and looks out of the window and sees the large snow flakes slowly descending to the earth that is already clothed in a layer of white. Everything in the outside world looks so pure and smells so clean, but she sees it as desolate. She sees it as dead. She sees it as suffocating.

She used to love the snow. She used to love going outside by herself and plopping down on her back as she extended her arms and legs before moving them back and forth in her attempt to make the perfect snow angel. Her nanny would stand at the door and watch her. Her nanny would make her a hot cup of coca after she came inside. Her nanny would tuck her in to bed snug as a bug to keep her from getting cold.

She gasps as a sudden sharp pain travels from her back to her abdomen. It is a tightening sensation and a pain unlike any she has ever felt. She clamps her hand down over her mouth, fear taking hold of her. She doesn't want to wake up the Shepherds. She doesn't want to be a burden, but she knows that she needs to get to the hospital. Maybe she can call a cab.

She throws the covers off of her body and swings her legs over the side of the bed, praying that her son is okay. Needing for [itheir[/i son to be okay.

She plants her socked feet firmly on the cold ground before forcing herself off of the bed. Even though she has only suffered the intense pain once, her legs are already weak and begin to shake violently under her weight. She places her hand on the bedside table to support her weight. She inhales deeply as he tries to force herself to move. She needs to get downstairs. She needs to get to the hospital. She can't wake up the Shepherds.

She slowly begins to make her way around the large room, walking next to the wall so that she is able to support herself. She makes it half way to the door when she feels another sharp pain. She covers her mouth with her hand as it rips through her abdomen, stifling the whimper that escapes as her frail frame shakes as the earthquakes ripple through her body. She leans her forehead against the wall as she waits for the pain to subside. Fear now holds an even tighter grip on her as the pain has increased in both intensity and in time.

She remains leaning against the wall even after the pain has subsided, tears trailing down her cheeks. She is alone. She is all alone. The Shepherds may be in the next room, but her lover her is lost like Waldo in one of those damn "Where's Waldo?" books. Except he can't be found on every page, but only once throughout the entire book that consists of thousands of pages.

Her breathing is somewhat labored as she pushes herself off of the wall some ten minutes later and continues her journey across the guest room. She finally reaches the door after what seems like forever. Her hands tremble violently as she turns the knob and walks out into the dark hallway of the strange house. She shuffles her feet as she crosses the hallway to the opposite wall, hoping to find support in their structure. She doesn't even think about how she is going to get down the stairs, all that she knows is that she has to.

She takes a few steps and is right in front of the Shepherd's door when another pain shoots through her body, this one even worse than before. Her knees give out under the strain of the pain and she can no longer stifle her cries as she meets the floor on her hands and knees. One hand immediately finds her cramping stomach while the other supports her upper body weight. She sobs violently as the pain continues to ripple like crashing waves.

Her chin is tucked down into her chest, so she does not see it when the door next to her is opened quickly. Her own sobs and the throbbing of the blood vessels in her head occupy her hearing, so she doesn't hear the stunned gasp or the shuffling feet of the room's previous occupants. She doesn't become aware of their presence until she feels a comforting hand on her back.

"Meredith? What's wrong?" the soft, feminine voice asks, still raspy from the disuse associated with sleep.

Meredith gasps as she tries to find sufficient oxygen to answer Mrs. Shepherd's worried breath.

"My baby!" she gasps "Oh God! My baby!!"

Meredith begins to sob as the exhaustion from the flu, the pain, and pregnancy in general causes her body to ache.

Mrs. Shepherd runs her hand up and down Meredith's back as she turns to her husband.

"Call Derek and let him know that we are coming to the hospital."

Dr. Shepherd simply nods his head as he runs his hand through his messy hair before following his wife's instructions. Mrs. Shepherd remains kneeling on the floor next to Meredith as her husband places a call to their son. She rubs Meredith's back and whispers comforting words into her ear as Meredith tries to recover.

"Can you describe the pain?" Mrs. Shepherd asks with worry in her voice.

"It starts in my back and then moves towards my stomach. It's a tightening feeling. Oh God! Is my baby okay?!" Meredith asks in a panicked voice as she finally raises her tear-streaked face to Mrs. Shepherd's.

Mrs. Shepherd smiles weakly at Meredith.

"I believe that you are having Braxton-Hicks contractions, but I can't be sure until we have a monitor on you. So, we are going to take you to the hospital and I will take care of you. Everything will be fine, Meredith. I'm here. I will take care very good care of you and your son."

Mrs. Shepherd's words touch Meredith. No one has ever wanted to take care of her just to take care of her. No one besides Derek. Her nannies were paid. Her mother was never around. It's Greek to her. It's new. It's new but she can't help but find comfort in it.

The only thing she can do is nod her head as Mrs. Shepherd helps her to her feet. Dr. Shepherd exits their bedroom at this time, already clothed.

"I called Derek. He will be waiting for us. You go get dressed and I will help Meredith to the car," Dr. Shepherd says as he looks worriedly at Meredith who is slouched against his wife.

Mrs. Shepherd nods as she maneuvers so that Meredith is now leaning against her husband. Meredith is tired. Meredith is so tired. Tired from the physical pain. Tired from the emotional pain. So tired.

Dr. Shepherd wraps his arm around Meredith's shoulders as he guides her towards the stairs. Her head limply falls against his chest as her feet move by their own volition. All of her thoughts are focused on the tiny life growing inside of her. The tiny life that is currently in distress. The tiny life that is the only piece of him that she has left. The tiny life that she might lose. She might lose that tiny life and then she would be left with absolutely nothing.

She isn't sure when Dr. Shepherd picks her up. She isn't sure when they get into the car and begin to make their way to the hospital. She is sure that when they are about fifteen minutes away from the hospital another crippling contraction rips through her already breaking body, causing her to scream out in pain as she grasps for anything. She finds Mrs. Shepherd's hand, letting her know that she is not alone. She is not alone, but she is.

Once the contraction subsides, Meredith leans back against the seat of the car, tears streaming down her face, and looks out of the window. The snow is still falling heavily, covering the filth of the world in its purity. She leans her hot forehead against the cool glass of the window. Her hot breath causes the window to fog, but she doesn't care. The cool glass feels so good against her burning skin.

They pull up at the hospital, Dr. Shepherd parking close as he has a physicians parking permit. Mrs. Shepherd stands on one side of Meredith, while Dr. Shepherd stands on the other. They walk slowly into the hospital, Meredith feeling a slight twinge with each step.

The doors to the Emergency Department open and they walk in. Dr. Shepherd notices the person sitting behind the desk. The desk that will allow them to actually enter the Emergency Department from the waiting room.

"Jessica, will you open the door? They know we are coming."

Jessica looks at Dr. Shepherd skeptically, but decides not to question him as he is a neurosurgeon at the hospital. She presses the button that causes the doors to automatically open. They walk slowly through the doors, supporting almost all of Meredith's light weight.

"What the hell are you doing here you little whore?" a harsh voice asks harshly.

Meredith looks up and meets the cold eyes of her mother. Another contraction begins to rip through her body. A young doctor standing next to Meredith's mom hears her comment and turns to see who she is talking to, and just as Meredith begins to cry out in pain, green once again meets blue.

**So, you guys are now all caught up. I was going to wait until this weekend to post this chapter, but decided to go ahead and post it now. I also would like to invite you all to join a new board that I just co-created. We would love to have you all. The link is in my profile, but if that doesn't work, don't hesitate to send me a message and I will be more than happy to give you my yahoo, aol, or msn so that I can send it to you. Hope you enjoyed the update. Let me know what you think.**

-Marci


	18. Chapter 18

_Meredith looks up and meets the cold eyes of her mother. Another contraction begins to rip through her body. A young doctor standing next to Meredith's mom hears her comment and turns to see who she is talking to, and just as Meredith begins to cry out in pain, green once again meets blue._

Meredith stares into his deep blue eyes for the first time in months, drowning in their depths. Breathing oxygen for the first time in what seems like forever. Time stands still as the world continues to spin madly around them. The harsh words of her mother echo in the background for a moment as all else lies forgotten.

Unfortunately, Meredith comes crashing back down to reality all too soon as the pain ripping through her body takes precedence in her mind. Her knees buckle under the intensity as she screams out yet again as the spinning world begins to crumble down around her. Strong arms grip her body as she turns her head into his chest, gripping, crying, fearing. It hurts. It hurts so much. The pain in her back and abdomen. The pain in his eyes. The pain in her heart.

Derek stands there in shock. He can't believe it. He can't believe that after all this time she is standing in front of him. Why is she standing in front of him? Why is she crying? Why is his father holding her in his arms? Click. Meredith is his dad's student. Meredith is his dad's student whose mother is Ellis Grey. Meredith Grey. That is her name.

_Oh my God._

Meredith is his dad's student who is pregnant. Sixteen weeks pregnant. That is what his dad said on the phone when he called to say he was bringing her in. Sixteen weeks. Sixteen weeks ago they were together. He blinks once. Twice. He tries to keep the tears from welling up. He tries. He tries because he is going to be a father. He. Father. Him.

"Derek!" his father shouts at him.

Derek snaps his head to look into the matching eyes of his father. They are full of worry. Full of worry for his student's child. His _grandchild_ that he doesn't even know is his. He crosses the room in four long, purposeful strides. He can smell her intoxicating scent and feels like he can breathe for the first time in months.

He looks at the trembling woman that his father is trying desperately to hold up. _His_ trembling woman. His parents scrutinize him, noticing that something is off. He bends down so that his face is near hers.

"Meredith?" he asks, her name rolling off of his tongue like he has been saying it everyday for the past seventeen weeks. Because he has. He has been saying it everyday for the past seventeen weeks. Since that fateful day he bumped into her outside of their rooms. She graced his dreams and her name has become a prayer for him.

Meredith gasps as she turns her head slightly, her eyes peeking out from behind her desperate clutch of the maroon sweater his father is wearing. "Derek?" she gasps as she struggles to breathe through the pain.

His eyes dart down to her stomach that her free hand is clutching. She can see the journey that they make and she knows what to expect next. His eyes take in her small bump, visually verifying what he has already heard. He takes in her white knuckles as she clutches the thin material of her shirt before they travel back up to her eyes.

It is a look. He asks so much with a single look. A look filled with fear. A look filled with hope. A look filled with love. She nods her head slightly, barely perceptible, but he notices. His whole future hangs on that slight inclination. He inhales sharply as his heart sprouts wings and flutters wildly around his chest cavity.

"You are nothing but a no good whore. I should have realized you would never do anything with your life."

Ellis's voice reaches his ears and a violent rage engulfs him. A sheen of red covers his irises as he stares into Meredith's tearful green seas. He places his hands on his thighs in order to raise himself to his feet. He is not going to let Meredith[ihis[/i Meredith, be talked to in that manner.

He takes a deep breath as he begins his upward movement, only to be halted by another cry of pain emanating from Meredith. He immediately forgets about the rage invoked by Ellis and turns his attention back to Meredith. She is closer to the ground as his father's grip on her is faltering. Her body is trembling, experiencing aftershocks from the numerous quakes that have ripped through her.

Derek doesn't think twice. He ignores the questioning looks his parents are sending him as he places one arm on Meredith's back and another under her bended knees. Meredith immediately releases her grip on his father's sweater as she buries her face in Derek's scrub-clad chest. She breathes for the first time in months as his masculine scent fills her nasal cavity. He can feel her hot tears through the material of his thin shirt and his heart beats against his chest wall as she clings to him desperately.

He bends his head down and places a soft kiss on her tangled hair. "It's going to be okay, Mer," he whispers. "I'm here. I'm here." Meredith nods into his chest as his soft words and hot breath caress her ear.

"What do you think you are doing with my daughter, Dr. Shepherd?" Ellis demands in a cold, harsh voice.

Derek ignores Ellis as he carries Meredith into the exam room that has been prepped for her arrival. He isn't going to waste his words on Ellis. Meredith needs him. Meredith needs him more than anything right now and that takes precedence over everything else.

He gently lays her down on the hospital bed, the sheet gathering around her moving feet. The back of the bed is raised so that she isn't forced to lie flat on her back. Derek removes his arms from her body and begins to move away so that he can walk around the bed, but she reaches out and grasps his hand. Her nails dig into his flesh, creating crescents from their pressure.

Derek laces the fingers of his right hand through hers before bringing his lefts hand to her face. He gently wipes away the falling tears from her now sweaty face before leaning down and placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

"It will be okay, Mer. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. But I need to put the fetal monitor on you. We need to make sure the baby is okay. Is that alright?" Derek asks, the threat of tears evident in his voice.

Meredith nods before reluctantly relaxing her grip on his hand. He smiles down at her before moving to the other side of the bed. He lifts her shirt up over her stomach and feels the air flee from his lungs in a sharp exhalation. Her beautifully round flesh, flesh that he used to know, flesh that he could still taste, stares back at him. Flesh that now houses their growing child. Theirs.

The tears gather and threaten to fall as the enormity of the moment begins to overwhelm him. He has found her. He has found the woman that he realized was the love of his life the moment he woke up after their last night together and she was gone. He has found her and now, now he has also found their unborn child. An unborn child that he already loves in a manner in which he has never known. Everything he loves is in this room. Everything he loves is on this bed. Everything he loves is in pain.

A quiet knock on the door redirects his attention away from her and he meets his mother's worried eyes. His mother stalks into the room, her lab coat now on, and his father is behind her.

"I…she…I was about to hook her up to the monitor," Derek says as he stumbles over his words.

His mother looks at him with a curious expression, his strange behavior not going unnoticed by her.

"Derek, dear, what is it?" she asks with concern in her voice.

He looks at Meredith as he runs his hand through his hair. Just as he opens his mouth to speak, another contraction rips through Meredith's frail frame. She cries out in pain as she curls her body up in a ball. He immediately rushes to her side and grabs her hand. He kneels down in front of her as he runs the fingers of his free hand through her hair.

"Breathe, Mer, just breathe. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that you are hurting. We will make it better. My mom will make it better," Derek whispers, the tears now falling freely down his cheeks.

He looks up to his mother, who is staring at him with a curious expression. "Please, Mom, you have to help them. You have to," Derek pleads.

His mother stares at him with a shocked expression. And then it clicks. Meredith is Derek's Meredith. Derek is Meredith's Derek. They met on the cruise. Her son and Meredith. They fell in love without telling each other. Meredith is carrying her son's child. Her son's son. Her grandson. She feels the tears well up in her own eyes as another figure appears in the doorway.

"Maybe if you are lucky the little bastard will die and your life won't be ruined you little slut. I should have gotten abortion just as you should have. I knew that having a daughter meant that she would be a failure. At least you haven't disappointed me there," Ellis remarks with a snide expression from the doorway.

Mrs. Shepherd turns to Ellis.

"You don't have a daughter," Mrs. Shepherd says in a voice full of anger as Meredith whimpers behind her. Derek tries to comfort her, but the physical pain and the emotional pain is almost too much to bear.

"Excuse me?" Ellis responds with narrowed eyes.

Mrs. Shepherd takes a few steps towards Ellis. "I said you don't have a daughter. You have treated her like shit since she told you she was pregnant. You disowned her when she refused to get an abortion. You don't have a daughter. You lost your daughter. You lost your daughter and I have gained her. She is my daughter now and so help me God, Ellis, if you hurt her…" Mrs. Shepherd trails off, pointing a finger at Ellis.

The room is still and silent. Derek is both shocked and proud of his mother. He has never heard her swear before, but she stood up for Meredith. She made Meredith a part of the family. Meredith is a part of his family.

"Where do you think you get off?" Ellis asks in a hiss.

Mrs. Shepherd points to Meredith as she responds. "That wonderful young woman is carrying my grandson, and I will NOT have you bring my family down."

Mrs. Shepherd turns around and begins to hook Meredith up to the monitors. Ellis stares at them for a moment before huffing and storming out of the room. Dr. Shepherd stares at them with shock on his face as Mrs. Shepherd places the monitor on Meredith's stomach.

"I'm going to go get an IV and then I will be right back." She leans down closer to Meredith, tears twinkling in her eyes. "Welcome to the family, dear," she smiles at her before turning and exiting the room, her husband following.

"We're having a son.." Derek says in wonder.

Meredith looks up at him. The pain is dull at the moment, and she can't stop a small smile from curving her lips.

"We're having a son," she sighs as she rests a hand on her abdomen.

**So I know that Mrs. Shepherd has already welcomed Meredith the orphan student into her family...but this was Meredith the woman who is carrying her grandson..so yeah...this update was kind of big...and I hope you like it..because I had a hard time getting it started...let me know what you think.**

**-Marci**


	19. Chapter 19

Silence fills the room as Meredith fidgets with her watch. She doesn't want to look at him. She can't look at him. She has waited so long to see him, but she can't look at him. She can't look into his eyes, his perfect blue eyes. She can't face him. She can't let him know that she disappointed him. She just can't.

He clears his throat as he hands her a hospital gown. "You should probably put this on. I can hook you back up to the monitors as soon as you are in the gown. My mom is going to want to examine you," he says in a dulcet tone, trying to comfort her.

Her jaw falls open. "Your mom is going to examine me?? As in look at the goods?!" she says in a panicked tone as she sits up in the bed.

Derek chuckles as he sits down in the chair that is next to her bed. "It's okay, Mer, she does this for a living," he says, amusement in his voice.

Meredith glares at him. "It is not okay. It is NOT okay!" She falls back on the bed and covers her face with her hands. "Oh my God, oh my God! Your mom will be down there and all I will be able to think about is YOU being down there! Oh my God!"

Derek chuckles as Meredith blushes furiously, realization of her admission hitting her. She points at him. "You don't get to laugh! You do not get to laugh at me or the situation!" Meredith yells, she opens her mouth to continue, but another pain rips through her body. She reaches out and grabs Derek's hand as she rolls onto her side and curls into a ball, a strangled cry escaping from her now shaking body.

Derek immediately jumps out of the chair and begins to run his hand down his back. His mother and father run back into the room upon hearing Meredith's cries. Mrs. Shepherd glances at her son, a sympathetic look in her eyes. "I'm going to go ahead and put the monitor on your stomach so we can check the heartbeat. I want to make sure that the baby isn't in any distress and then we will do your exam," she says softly while placing the needle and vials on a nearby table.

Derek nods at his mom before leaning down close to Meredith's face. He runs his hand over her forehead as her pain stricken appearance tears at his heart. "Mer," he whispers, "you need to roll over on your back so Mom can check the heart rate."

Meredith whimpers before nodding and slowly rolling onto her back. Mrs. Shepherd raises up her shirt, revealing her swollen abdomen again. She hadn't gotten around to hooking up the fetal monitor before Ellis stormed in earlier. She straps the device around Meredith's abdomen before turning around and flipping on the monitor. She has to readjust the device to find the heartbeat, but it only takes a moment until the swooshing sound fills the room.

Tears run down every cheek in the room as they all listen with baited breath. Derek hears his son's heartbeat for the first time and he feels his own stop momentarily. That is his son. His baby boy.

Derek caresses the palm of Meredith's hand with his thumb as he holds her hand and they ride out the contraction together. Mrs. Shepherd waits until Meredith relaxes and the contraction subsides until she speaks.

"The baby's heart rate is a little fast for my liking, so if we can't get the contractions to stop naturally within the next thirty minutes or so, I'm going to have to get you some medication to stop them. Before I insert your IV and take your blood, I need for you to get into your hospital gown. So, go ahead and change and I will be back in five minutes," Mrs. Shepherd says. She leans down close to Meredith. "Everything will be okay, dear, I promise. I will take good care of you and my grandson," she says with a voice full of love.

Meredith nods at her before watching her leave the room. Derek stays by her side, his eyes trained on the monitor that is reporting the heart rate of the baby. As soon as the door clicks shut he turns to Meredith, tears running down his cheeks. "Are you okay?" he asks, concern and love in his voice.

Meredith swallows before nodding and turning away. She can't stand to see the hurt in his eyes. Hurt that she has caused. She should have taken better care of herself. Oh God, what if she loses the baby? It will be all her fault. She clamps her hand down over her mouth to stifle a cry.

Derek looks at her with concern. "What is it, Mer?" he asks, thinking that she is in pain again.

She reaches for the gown, hoping to avoid answering his question. "I need to put this on before your mother comes back," she says in a somewhat cold voice.

He recoils slightly at her tone. "Okay," he responds. He sees her struggling with the numerous monitors that are connected to her body. He reaches towards her. "Let me help you," he implores her.

She flinches away from his touch. "I got it," she responds.

He sighs in frustration. Ten minutes ago they were talking about his mom examining her and she was gripping his hand, not wanting to let go, and now, now she won't let him help her. "Mer," he implores.

"Fine," she says in a frustrated voice, "but don't look."

He chuckles. "It's not like it's nothing I haven't seen before."

She turns and glares at him. "Ass," she spits in his direction.

She fusses with the monitors for a moment before turning to him. He doesn't even need her to say anything before he is unhooking her, freeing her from their confines. As soon as she is freed from their bonds she looks at him. "You can go stand behind the curtain," she tells him with a pointed look.

He simply smiles at her and nods before doing as she tells him. She manages to get undressed, hiding her tiny thong in the bundle of her clothes, in record time and is about to get back into the bed when another contraction stops her. She doubles over and leans on the bed for support as she cries out. Derek is immediately by her side, rubbing her back. Any other time he would smirk at her bare ass and perfect back, but now he just focuses on making her feel better.

Meredith begins to sob. This is by far the worse contraction she has had so far. It hurts. It hurts so bad. It feels like someone is twisting her insides, slowly tearing them out. Suddenly she begins to feel light headed. She gasps and blindly reaches for Derek's hand. "Der," she manages before everything goes dark.

Derek gasps as he catches her in his arms. Her body is limp. He yells for his mom, who immediately runs into the room. As soon as his mom is in the room he lifts her limp body onto the bed.

"Oh my God," he says as he notices the blood trailing down her leg. Something is wrong. Something is wrong and he can't help but fear that he may be losing the two people he loves most in this world. He may be losing the two people that he loves most in this world that he only just found again.


	20. Chapter 20

Meredith slowly wakes up, vaguely aware of the beeping sounds that are echoing through the background. She feels…light. There is an oxygen mask on her face and when she lifts her hand up to her face, she discovers that she has an IV. She feels a hand grab her wrist. She knows that hand. That hand knows her. That hand knows her very well.

Suddenly, his face is in her line of sight, hovering above her. His eyes are red and she instinctively moves her hand to her stomach. "The baby?!!?" she gasps as she begins to panic, slowly becoming aware of the situation. Hospital. Contractions. Darkness.

"Mer," he whispers as he runs his hand lightly over her forehead, smoothing her hair back out of her face, "the baby is fine at the moment. You passed out. Mom thinks you might have a tear in the placenta, but she still needs to make sure." He tries to be as calm as possible, but he knows that some of his fear escapes into his tone. He is utterly terrified, how can it not?

Tears run down Meredith's face as her eyes dart nervously around the room. This cannot be happening. This cannot be happening now. She cannot lost her son. She can't. She can't kill the only thing she has ever had any responsibility for. She can't kill the one thing that she loves more than anything else. She can't. She can't destroy it. She just can't.

She doesn't deserve love. She doesn't deserve a family. She doesn't deserve Derek. She deserves to be alone and miserable. She deserves to lose the baby, but Derek doesn't. Derek doesn't deserve to lose the baby. His family doesn't deserve to lose the baby. The baby doesn't deserve to die.

She begins to panic. Her breaths quicken and she can feel a slight tightening in her chest. She grips the bed sheet tightly, her knuckles turning white. Derek notices her erratic behavior and immediately sits down on the edge of the bed. He disentangles her hand from its death grip on the sheet and entwines her fingers with his.

"Meredith," he says in the most calming voice he can manage, "you need to breathe. Breathe with me. Can you do that? Can you breathe with me?" he asks, the desperation seeping in.

Meredith nods as she locks eyes with him. She finds a little comfort just looking at him, knowing that he is there. But what if he leaves? What is he leaves her like everyone else in her life?

"You need to do this, Mer. You need to do this for the baby," he says as he begins to caress her arm slowly with his long fingers.

She swallows as she nods, forcing the bile of ill thoughts down back into her abdomen. She needs to do this. She needs to do this for her baby. Derek begins to inhale and exhale long and steady breaths as he attempts to work with her to bring her BP down. She breathes with him, the oxygen filling her lungs and slowly allowing her tense muscles to relax.

Just as Derek opens his mouth to speak, his mother walks back into the room. She glances at Meredith before looking back to her son. "She was starting to have a panic attack," he explains, quickly returning his attention back to Meredith.

Mrs. Shepherd pulls on a pair of gloves before making her way over to Meredith. "Okay, Meredith, I'm going to examine you now and make sure that the bleeding has stopped and then I'm going to do an ultrasound," as Mrs. Shepherd finishes speaking, a tech rolls the ultrasound machine into the room.

Derek leans down to Meredith. "I will be just outside while she does the exam," he says in a comforting voice, trying not to betray his own fears.

As he turns to walk away, Meredith reaches out and grabs his hand. "Stay," she manages, "please?"

He can't deny her pleading voice and is immediately back by her side. His mother places Meredith's feet in the stirrups. She is too worried about the baby to think about Derek's mom examining her. Derek runs his fingers along her cheek, forcing her to look at him. "Just look at me, Mer. I'm going to stay right here. Just keep your eyes on me," he says in a soft tone.

Before she knows it, Mrs. Shepherd is standing up and looking down at her. She can see the worried look on her face. She can see it and it scares the shit out of her. "Meredith, there is still some bleeding. It's not much, but it is there," she says as she removes her gloves. "I want you to sit up. Derek, raise the bed a bit," Mrs. Shepherd says as she lifts Meredith's gown up to reveal her abdomen. "Now, this is going to be cold," she tells Meredith before squirting the gel on her stomach.

Meredith winces slightly at the sensation, a chill running through her core. She stills as Mrs. Shepherd moves the wand over her stomach, spreading the gel. She waits. She waits for the image of her son to appear on the screen. The image of [itheir[/i son. A grainy image fills the screen and she searches for him. She searches for him in the midst of the static. The swooshing of the heartbeat once again fills the room as the wand finds him. The wand finds him but Meredith continues to search desperately. What kind of mother is she? She can't even find her own son.

Almost as if she can read her thoughts, Mrs. Shepherd points to a small blob on the screen, outlining it with her finger. "There is your son," she whispers in an awe-struck voice, seeing the tiny image of her grandson for the first time. Her babies first baby. She looks up and meets the tear-filled eyes of Meredith and Derek.

Meredith reaches out and runs her fingers over the screen, wanting to touch him, wanting to hold him, wanting to keep on loving him. "He's beautiful," she whispers to no one in particular.

"He's perfect," Derek whispers in response. He finally tears his eyes away from the monitor and looks at Meredith. "Just like his mother," he adds in a voice full of love.

Meredith blushes furiously as she fights down the rising bile. "I'm not perfect," she whispers so quietly that he almost doesn't hear her. If only he knew how imperfect her imperfections are.

Mrs. Shepherd turns off of the monitor and turns to the expecting parents. Her expecting parents. Her children. She fights the tears as she speaks. "Meredith," she says as she reaches out and grabs the terrified woman's frail hand, frail just like the rest of her, "you have a tear in your placenta. It must have been from the fall in the hallway." Mrs. Shepherd pauses a moment, inhaling deeply before continuing. "I'm not going to lie to you, you two are my children, and I'm not going to lie to you." She takes one more deep breath before continuing. "The baby is in distress from the contractions and surgery at this moment would only add to that. That being said, if we wait too long to perform the surgery, it could put the baby in even more distress."

"So what are you saying?" Meredith asks in a shaky voice.

Derek knows. Derek knows exactly what his mom is saying. "She saying," he manages in a cracked voice, "that it's a balancing act. If she operates to soon, you could go into premature labor that she won't be able to stop. If she waits to long, the baby could suffer from oxygen deprivation." Derek drops his head in his hands, unable to stare into the horror-stricken face of Meredith any longer.

Meredith quickly glances at Mrs. Shepherd. "Please tell me you have amazing balance. I need to hear that you have amazing balance. I can't. I can't. He can't. I can't lose him. I can't! I just can't lose him!" she sobs as she falls back on the bed, her words meaning so much. She can't take losing the baby. She can't lose the baby. She can't lose Derek. She can't lose them. She can't lose the only two people in her life who have made her feel remotely human. If she loses the baby, she will lose Derek. She can't. She can't even fathom the emptiness she will feel. She can't fathom the gaping holes that will be left in her abdomen and her heart. She can't. It hurts to much. It hurts to much to even think about it.

Meredith Grey's life is an intricate balancing act, her unborn son on one side and Derek on the other. His mother holds the scale. His mother holds the scale and the ability to cause her world to come tumbling down with the slightest upset in the delicate balance.

**It's a miracle this got done. I have the flu and a physics test on wednesday that i havent started studying for because ive been sick all day...so yeah..hope you liked it. **

**-marci**


	21. Chapter 21

**This was originally two seperate updates...a very small one and a very large one...I will put dash marks where they are seperate. **

A single drop of sweat trails down her cheek, tickling the skin with its slow progression. She doesn't reach up and wipe it away. She can't. She is too busy trying to make the room stop spinning. Spinning and blurring into a prism of bright colors and shapes. Shapes with fuzzy outlines. A room full of Shepherds. Shepherds with fuzzy outlines.

She feels the bile rising up her esophagus once again. She just can't seem to catch a break. She turns to her side and pushes Derek out of the way before dry heaving over the rail of the bed. Salty tears run down her cheeks. Tears from the pain. Tears from the fear.

Derek's hand rubs up and down her back, his heart aching at seeing her in so much pain. How he wishes that they could go back to the ship. How they could create their own little cocoon and hide from the world as he tries to sooth her pain. Just like he did with the cramps. But this isn't cramps. This is so much more. This is everything.

He leans down and presses his dry lips against the moist skin of her temple. This is the first time those lips have touched her skin in so long. Too long. The desert surfaces of his lips become moist with the salty taste of her sweat and tears.

_Meredith. Meredith. Meredith_.

He repeats over and over in his head. Like a mantra. Like a prayer. Like any moment he is afraid that she will disappear. That he will open his eyes and she will be gone. Just like on the ship. He can't lose her again. He can't lose them. But most of all, he can't lose her.

The tears sting his eyes, threatening to fall at any minute. But they can't. They can't fall. He has to be strong. He needs to be strong. _For them_. He needs to be strong for them. His young family. His new family. _His_ family. "Mom," he manages in a broken voice. Broken because he is slowly falling apart. His voice begs. His voice pleads.

His voice pains his mother. His mother who hates to see her baby boy in pain. And she has never seen him in this much pain. Never. Not even after his motorcycle accident. Not even after he caught Addison cheating. The closest he has ever come to this type of pain was when he returned from the cruise. Pain. She needs to sooth her baby's pain.

Derek feels the dainty hand of his mother on his shoulder and it takes everything he has to not break down. It takes everything he has to not turn around and let his mother hold him as he sobs like a little baby. He sobs like a little baby for his little baby. For his little baby and the love of his life. Thirty minutes ago he wouldn't have know the difference. Thirty minutes ago he didn't know that his son existed. Thirty minutes ago he didn't know where Meredith was. Thirty minutes ago there was a gaping hole in his heart.

Meredith finally falls back on the bed. Her head hurts. Her entire body hurts. Her heart hurts. She can feel Derek lace his fingers through her, giving her a certain strength that she didn't possess previously. Her world is spinning and he has become the one point of focus. She feels light. She feels light and floaty and dizzy. Her eyelids flutter as she struggles to remain conscious. She hears a monitor beeping in the background. Something is wrong. Something is definitely wrong. She knows that something is wrong as the blackness surrounds her and she sinks into unconsciousness as the scales begin to tip.

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Derek watches Meredith's eyes roll back in her head as her eyelids flutter lightly. He shakes her shoulder slightly, hoping to keep her awake and that is when it happens. The scariest noise he could ever hear. The beeping of a monitor. The beeping of the monitor that is registering the heart rate of the baby. The baby is in distress. The baby is in distress and Meredith just passed out. It is too much. It is all too much.

"Meredith?" he asks in a panicked voice. "Meredith?! Please wake up. Please, oh God, please wake up!!" he practically screams. He feels his mother's hand on his elbow.

"Derek," she whispers, "you need to leave," she says in a tear-filled voice.

Derek turns to face his mother, a shocked expression on his face. "What? I can't leave. I can't leave her. I can't leave them. I can't leave them all alone. I can't. You can't. I can't," he says quickly, bordering on panic.

Mrs. Shepherd turns to the nurse in the room. "Go make sure the OR is open. We will be up in a minute," she says before turning back to her son. "We need to take her now, Derek. The baby is in distress because of the tear and Meredith is bleeding too much. You and your father can come with us to the elevator, but then you need to stay in the waiting room," she says as a single tear trails down her cheek. A tear because of the fact that her son is cracking in front of her.

He silently nods before turning back to Meredith. He grabs her limp hands and brings it to his lips. "It's going to be okay, Mer. My mom is going to take care of you. She is going to take great care of you and our son. You are both going to be okay and then we can finally be together. We can be a family. I want to take care of you," he says as the tears gather in his eyes, blurring his vision. He leans down close to her ear, smoothing her hair back out of her pale face. "I love you," he whispers, "I have always loved you. From the moment you ran into me I have loved you. I will never stop. I will never stop loving you, so please, Mer, please don't leave me. I can't lose you again. Please. You have to fight. You have to fight for you. You have to fight for our son. You have to fight for us," he says as they reach the elevator.

He didn't even realize that they were moving. He was so focused on her that he didn't notice they were at the elevator until his mother's hand was on his back again. "Der, dear," she starts.

He throws his hands up in the air. "I know! I know! God, do I know!" he practically yells. He leans down and kisses Meredith on the forehead. "I love you. I love you so damn much," he says softly before moving his mouth down to her stomach. He raises her hospital gown slightly to reveal her swollen abdomen. His lips graze her flesh. "Pull through, little man. You can do it. Be strong. Be strong for mommy and daddy. I love you," he says as a single tear falls onto Meredith soft flesh.

He feels her moving away. He can feel them pushing the bed. He can feel her slipping out of his grip.

"I will take good care of her," his mother whispers into his ear before stepping onto the elevator with Meredith.

He simply nods. He can't do much else. He watches the doors begin to close. They are closing on his future. So much is in that elevator. So much. He can't lose them. He can't lose her. He just can't. He feels a heavy hand on his shoulder. He knows that hand.

"Come on, son. Let's go to the waiting room," his father says with a heavy voice. He too hates to see his son in this much pain.

However, Derek doesn't turn and follow his father. He turns and walks in the opposite direction. There is something that he needs to do. There is something that he needs to get.

He walks to the nearby stairwell door and goes down the numerous flights two steps at a time. After what seems like forever, he finally reaches the bottom floor. He walks out into the lobby and into the gift shop. He moves towards the back of the shop. The area where they have the baby clothes. He sees it. He sees what he came after. He grabs one of them and walks towards the front of the store, but something catches his eye and causes him to stop. He smiles at the memory. The day that they spent together reading cosmo and eating every kind of junk food possible.

He reaches forward and grabs the cosmo before grabbing a handful of chocolate. The lady behind the register smiles at him. "Another nephew, Dr. Shepherd?" she asks in a flirty voice while batting her eyelashes at him.

Derek clears his throat. "Umm..no..actually. My, um, my son," he mumbles. Saying it for the first time to someone other than family. It felt so food. It feels so good. Son. He is having a son. They will be okay. They have to be okay.

The girl flushes. "Oh, I didn't know you were…I had no idea…congratulations, doctor," she says in a nervous voice.

Derek runs his hand through his hair. "She's in surgery. The baby isn't due for five more months, I just needed…." Derek trails off.

The girl smiles warmly at him. "You just needed something to hold on to," she says in a soft voice.

Derek smiles sadly at her. "Yeah," he sighs as she tells him the total. He quickly pays her before walking out of the gift shop. He needs to get back to her floor. He needs to be closer to them. To her.

He takes the stairs two at a time, the various items bouncing about in the bag. His breathing is ragged by the time he reaches the floor and a drop of sweat trails down his temple. He walks into the waiting room and sees his father sitting down. He walks over to him and plops down into the chair next to him, the weight on his shoulders bringing him down quickly.

His father turns and looks at him as he pulls the onesie out of the bag. He runs his forefinger over the large NY in the middle of the white pinstriped garment.

"Already grooming him to be a Yankees fan, eh?" his father asks as he tries to lighten the moment. However, his words seem to be the final straw to break the camel's back.

Derek tightens his grip on the onesie as his shoulders begin to shake with suppressed sobs. His father sees him breaking. He sees his own boy breaking and immediately wraps his strong arms around Derek's trembling shoulders.

His father's gentle touch sends him spiraling. He falls forward out of the chair and onto his hands and knees. Its too much. Its all too much. Holding the onesie. Thinking about his son wearing it. Thinking about playing catch and taking him to Yankee's games. Then thinking about the possibility of all of that being taken away.

His right hand clings desperately to the onesie as the sobs bubble up from the depths of his stomach. His father is immediately at his side, holding him in his arms. Derek clings to his father. He clings to his father like he is six years old and has just scraped his knee. He clings to his father like he needs his father to save him.

His tears bleed through his fathers sweater. So many tears. His chest hurts. He feels so much pain. Emotional pain that is manifesting into a physical tightening of his chest. He gasps for air as he tries to grasp at hope. Hope that everything will be okay. He needs everything to be okay.

His father runs his hand up and down his son's trembling back as the his own tears run freely down his cheeks. His son is clinging to him as he is breaking and he can't stand to see that. His son is strong. His son is so strong. He must really love Meredith. She must really be the one for him to be feeling this much pain.

He doesn't try to speak. He doesn't try to offer him any condolences. What can he say? He can offer empty words of comfort that will only increase Derek's pain. Or he can hold him. He can hold him and let him know that he's not alone.

The time crawls along as father continues to embrace a broken son. His embrace is the only thing that is keeping Derek from falling completely apart. Derek can't believe that he was given everything _everything_, only to have it threatened to be taken away moments later. He imagines that their son will have his hair and eyes, Meredith's nose and stubborn chin. He will probably teach him his McDreamy smile as Meredith called it on their cruise. He will teach him how to play catch. He will help him with his math homework and talk to him about girls. He will sit in front of the television on Saturday mornings in his underwear while they watch cartoons and eat cereal that has tons of sugar. He will teach him how to ride his bike. He will scare the monsters away from his closet. He will wake up some morning to him crawling into bed with him and Meredith.

Meredith.

He remembers first bumping into her outside of his room. He was dreading the trip. He only agreed to come because of Mark and then he met Meredith. He felt the spark right away. A spark that ignited a flame deep within him. He remembers that first kiss. He claimed that he was saving her from that creepy old man, but he was truly saving himself. She saved him. She saved by giving him the chance to fall so completely in love that there was no way in hell he could fall out. He remembers waking up on their last morning together only to find himself alone. Alone with a single sheet of paper and the copy of the Cosmopolitan that was left on her lavender scented pillow.

It was when they spent that day together, when she was cramping so bad, that day he realized that he was falling in love with her. He knew that he was falling and that no matter how hard it hurt when the fall was complete, he didn't want to stop. She must have felt it to. Her leaving the Cosmo showed that she felt it too.

He can't lose her. He can't lose her again. She is his Elizabeth. She made him watch "Pride and Prejudice" numerous times on the ship. She is his Elizabeth and she has captivated him body and soul. He loves her. He loves her so much that he no longer exists. He no longer exists because he is now composed of them and she has such a large part of him.

Nothing can happen to her. Please, God, don't let anything happen to her. Derek doesn't even know if he believes in God, but he prays. He prays for the first time in about twenty years. He prays because nothing has ever been this important to him. Nothing has ever been this important to him and he has absolutely no control over the situation. He is helpless.

Finally, finally after what seems like forever but in reality is only an hour, the now silent tears stop flowing. He is empty. His tear ducts are drained. He is emotionally drained and exhausted after an hour. An hour of barely remembering to breathe. Of feeling completely alone and powerless. An hour that seems like an eternity.

He wipes his tear-stained cheeks with the back of his hand before leaning out of his father's embrace. He doesn't care that his ass is asleep from sitting on the hard floor for an hour. He doesn't care that everyone in the waiting room is looking at him with sympathetic eyes. None of them know his pain. None of them know his fear. None of them know that his entire future is hanging by a delicate thread. They don't know. But Derek knows. He knows all too well.

He inhales deeply, his body involuntarily shuddering as he does so, before pushing himself up off of the floor. He bends down and helps his father to his feet, the onesie still grasped in his hand. Once his father is on his feet, he pulls Derek into a tight hug.

"I wish I could say something son. I wish like hell I could ease your pain, even if it was only a little bit. But I know I can't. I know nothing that I can say will make you feel better, and that, Derek, that is what is going to make you one hell of a father. You have made me proud many times, but I have never been prouder of you than I am now," he says in a tear-filled voice. "I love you, son." He pats Derek on the back before releasing him from the hug.

Derek smiles sadly at his dad, saying thank you in that small gesture, before throwing himself into the nearest seat. He leans forward, placing his elbows on his knees as he begins to run his fingers over the lines of the tiny onesie once again.

"I only just found out that he existed," Derek says in a broken voice, " but I already want to protect him from everything. I…I already have so many…hopes….so many dream….for him…I…and Meredith…" Derek says while turning to his father, "she is…something…everything. What are the chances?" Derek laughs somewhat bitterly, the irony eating him alive. "What are the chances that my Meredith…my amazing, wonderful, beautiful Meredith, what are the chances that she would be your Meredith?" Derek says before allowing his face to fall back in his hands.

His father places his hand on his back as he leans in closer to him. "I would say damn near impossible. The fact that it did happen, Derek, the fact that you two were brought together in a world of over six billion people, that fact says that it's fate. You two are fated."

Derek laughs bitterly. "What a cruel joke of fate. Give her back to me only to have her life and that of my son's threatened. Pretty damn cruel."

His father accidentally kicks the bag from the gift shop over, spilling its contents onto the floor. "Cosmo?" he asks in a perplexed tone.

A smile crosses Derek's face, the first smile in what seems like ages. "Yeah," Derek sighs almost happily. He turns to face his confused father. "Mer was sick one day, so I brought her a Cosmo and a bunch of junk food to make her feel better. We spent two whole days together. Talking, laughing, watching movies. Just getting to know each other. It was during those two days that I realized that I was falling in love with her," Derek finishes, his eyes somewhat brighter as he recounts the memory to his father. He runs his hand over his face. "The morning I woke up and she was gone, she left a Cosmo on the bedside table. I think it was her way of telling me that she fell for me too," he finishes, the sadness seeping back into his voice.

Derek can't help but feel that he is clinging to the happy moments shared with Meredith. He needs to. He needs to remember the good times they were together, instead of the hell he lived in while they were apart. He needs to have faith. Faith that she will be okay. He knows that she is strong. Faith. He is trying so damn hard to have some faith.

The two men fall into a silence as the each contemplate the situation and its repercussions. Dr. Shepherd knows about Meredith's hard life. He knows that it will break his son even more. He also knows that they need to do something to alleviate that. Meredith is part of their family now and Shepherds take care of Shepherds.

Just as he opens his mouth to speak, a familiar figure appears in the doorway to the waiting room. It's his wife. He nudges Derek in the ribs with his elbow to get his attention.

Derek's head immediately jerks up at the sharp pain in his side and sees his mother. He is on his feet and walking towards her before he is even able to register her early arrival. It has only been two hours. Two very long hours, but the surgery, the surgery usually lasts at least two hours. Two hours isn't long enough. Not to prep her and then do the surgery. Two hours is no where near enough. And the look on his mother's face. The look on his mother's face is scaring the hell out of him.

"Derek," his mother sighs, "you should probably sit down," she says as she places a hand on his shoulder.

"NO!" he shouts as he feels his world beginning to dissipate into tiny particles and float away.

"Derek," his mother tries again in a slightly louder voice.

Derek feels the sobs beginning to bubble to the surface once again as he brings the hand clinging to the Yankees' onesie to his heart. "No, no, no, no, no. Don't tell me. Please, please, please don't tell me. I…I was going to take him to a Yankees-Red Sox game. I…please…no…" he sobs into his hand.

"Derek!" his mother practically shouts at him as she grabs his face and forces him to look at her. "Listen to me," she says in a calm voice, "Meredith and the baby are fine. They made it through the surgery. They made it through but it is going to be rough. She lost a lot of blood and the baby was in severe distress. They are both critical at the moment, but they are both alive," she finishes with a tear-filled voice as she pulls her baby boy into her arms.

She holds Derek in her arms as he breaks down for the second time in two hours. This break down is unlike the first. He is sobbing in relief. He is sobbing because he is just so relieved. They are critical, but they are alive. He feels as if he will get his second chance. He will get his chance to have a son. He will get a chance to be a father. He will get a chance to love Meredith.

As Mrs. Shepherd holds her sobbing son in her arms, she can't bring herself to tell him the rest. She can't tell him that Meredith almost coded on the table. She can't tell him that although Meredith seems to be doing well at the moment, her chances are still only at seventy-five percent. She can't tell him that his son has an even smaller chance. Her grandson. She can't tell him that there is only a fifty percent chance for that tiny life. There is an even slimmer chance that he will not suffer some form of mental defect. She can't tell him because he is her son. He is her baby. He is her baby and she cannot watch him break anymore than he already has.

The balancing act is still very much in operation, only this time the scales are not equally weighed and the outcome seems to be even more uncertain.

**I hope you guys like this chapter, because it took a while to write. I wasn't even planning on updating this fic yet, but I really wanted to. LOL. So I did. Derek is clinging in this chapter, to the onesie, to his dad, to his mom. He is clinging to hope. I also really wanted to show his feelings concerning Meredith because we haven't really seen that too much. Let me know what you think. **

**-Marci**


	22. Chapter 22

He stands in the door to her room, a plethora of emotions coursing through his body. Nervousness. Relief. Fear. Anxiety. Love. He is about to see the woman he loves, the woman that he loved even before he met her, and she is broken.

Broken. Broken both in the figurative and literal senses. He knows her well enough to know that she will blame herself for almost losing their child. Their son. He knows her well enough to know that the hateful words spewed by her mother will not stop repeating in her mind for a long while. As much as he barely knows her, he knows her almost better than he knows himself.

His heavy hand pushes open the relatively light door. His breath hitches in his throat at the sight that greets him. She is so pale. She is almost translucent. The presence of blood pumping through her veins and arteries is questionable. She reminds him of one of his sister's old porcelain dolls, ready to shatter into a million pieces at any moment.

Porcelain. Breakable. His Meredith. His doll. His lover. His friend. His everything. His Meredith.

She stirs slightly as he steps further into the room, almost as if she can sense his presence even in her drug-induced slumber. Her broken beauty is still more beautiful to him than anything else in the world. A quiet groan escapes her parched lips. A groan that is filled with pain, the magnitude of which she is still unaware. He wants to be her morphine. He wants to be the one to take away her pain. He would do anything to take away her pain. He would do anything to take away even just a little, if not all, of her pain.

He finally reaches her bedside after a trek that seems to have taken ages, but in reality was no more than three strides. He takes her tiny hand in his. Her hand is cold, almost as if devoid of life. He remembers times when that perfect hand was like fire, igniting his skin with so many desires by a simple caress.

He encloses her hand in his, attempting to return warmth to her body. Attempting to restore her to a life-like state. His thumb traces circles on the center of her palm, something he learned comforted her when they docked in Italy.

"Hey Mer," he whispers in a broken voice, "I…" he starts. He really doesn't know what to say—where to begin. He is just as broken as she, but his fractures and incisions are all below the surface. "God, I have missed you," he whispers as he rests his forehead on the raised bedrail. "Sometimes… late at night… when I'm all alone…I can hear your infectious giggle filtering through the salty breeze…and when I close my eyes…I see yours…their greenness only enhanced by the expanse of water in the background…I remember all of the times that we made love…but relish the moments that I realize now were the moments in which I was falling in love with you…like our perfect day that we spent together when you were cramping…Hell…they were all perfect days…Every moment spent with you was one of perfection…I wanted to tell you…I was going to tell you…I knew…I knew our last night together…I think maybe I always knew…" he trails off as he gets lost in the memories of the endless summer nights they spent together. Talking. Making love. Falling.

A throat clearing recalls him to the present and he looks up to see his mom standing behind him. He has no idea how long she has been there and he really doesn't care. The remnant of a long tear trailing down her tired face tells him that she was there long enough.

She places her hand on Derek's hunched shoulder. "She should be waking up from the anesthesia soon. We will know more then," she says in a sympathetic voice. Sympathy for her son. Sympathy for her grandson. Sympathy for the young woman lying on the hospital bed in front of her who she now considers a daughter.

Derek simply nods his head as he brings her cold hand to his lips. It seems clammy and not Meredith, but it _is_ Meredith. His Meredith. A warm, salty tear lands on her skin. He doesn't even realize that the tears are falling once again until he sees the evidence on her skin.

His mom is moving slowly towards the door when he speaks again. "I bet he has my hair and eyes…Mer always talked about my hair and eyes…she loves them…" he laughs wryly through the new torrent of tears that have begun to flow. "But he will have her chin. Her stubborn, perfect chin…and her nose…she teased me about my nose…said it made me look Roman and compared it to the various statues we saw throughout the city…but definitely her cute nose…and I really hope…more than anything else…he has her ability to brighten a room just with her presence…this ability…this ability makes a person feel happy for no apparent reason other than she is there…" he pauses and looks up at his mother. "I know…I know that no matter what…he will be perfect…he…and…I…perfect…" he trails off as he bites his bottom lip, a tick he picked up from Meredith, but something he does in this case to suppress the sob that threatens to escape.

Her hand jerks within his and he immediately turns his attention to her. Through blurry eyes he sees her eyes begin to flutter heavily open. A low moan of pain resonates throughout the room as her eyes finally begin to focus on her surroundings.

"Whathappened?" she asks in a voice heavy with sleep, still somewhat out of it from the sedation.

Derek immediately stands to his feet and leans over the bed, his hand running over her warm cheek. When he speaks, he stares straight into his eyes and his voice is soft in an attempt to comfort her as he delivers news that he knows will upset her. "When you fell in the hallway from the Braxton-Hicks, you tore your placenta," he says slowly.

Her eyes immediately widen and she quickly moves her free hand to her abdomen, seeking her baby bump. He immediately places his hand on top of hers. "My mom repaired the tear and both you and our son are stable…everything is fine…" he says in a comforting voice as he leans down and brushes his lips across her forehead.

A tear travels down her face as she looks up at him. She looks so scared. So vulnerable. He reaches down and brushes the tear away before leaning even closer. "It will be okay, Mer. I am here. My mom is here. We are going to take care of you. I'm going to take care of you. I love you," he tells her as he stares into her eyes.

Once the words escape his mouth he knows that he should have waited. It is too much too soon. Her eyes widen in shock, in fear, and she pulls her hand from his. Hey eyes frantically dart around the room as the panic begins to set in. She can't handle this. Not now. He reaches for her hand, but she moves it out of his reach.

"Mer.." he implores as he watches her movements become jerkier.

He feels a hand on his shoulder and knows that it is his mom. "Derek…why don't you give us a minute? I need to examine her…" his mother says in the most comforting voice she can manage.

Derek nods numbly before walking out of the room, his shoulders slumped in defeat. He walks out of the room and leans against the wall, slowly sinking to the ground. His head falls forward and rests on his knees. One step forward, three steps back. He doesn't know what to do. He wants to be there for her. He wants to love her. He _needs_ to love her.

His peripheral vision perceives another person sliding down beside him, but he doesn't acknowledge their presence. Their presence is irrelevant. They don't matter. She is the only one that matter. Her and their son. They are the only ones that matter now. No one else. Nothing else. Just them. And without them, in this world of over six billion people, Derek Shepherd is all alone. Without Meredith Grey and their unborn son, Derek Shepherd exists in a desolate world devoid of all other things but pain and sadness. Without Meredith Grey, Derek Shepherd ceases to be human and transforms into a zombie. Without Meredith Grey, the existence of Derek Shepherd is irrelevant and he fades into the backdrop of the bustling world and doesn't even care.

**Okay...sorry this took so long...but I have had finals...and I live in Oklahoma and haven't had power...the only reason I have power now is because I am at my mom's...I even have to go back to my university to take a final next Friday because a prof agreed to let me take it late because of the lack of power in my apartment and I'm taking a final the first week of Spring semester...so...I will be studying over break...but I'm also going to try to update more. Hope you liked this update...**

**-Marci**


	23. Chapter 23

Derek sits in the uncomfortable chair next to Meredith's bed

Derek sits in the uncomfortable chair next to Meredith's bed. Her soft snores fill the room along with the steady beeping of the numerous monitors attached to her thin, frail body. His talk with Mark earlier in the hall had done nothing to ease the sharp, constant pains ripping through his heart.

He drops his head forward into his hands as he squeezes his eyes tightly shut. He can't lose her again. He realizes that he probably shouldn't have told her he loves her. Not yet. He should have waited. Even his mother had scolded him for his brash actions as she was forced to sedate Meredith in order to calm her down.

She shifts slightly in the bed, a soft sigh escaping her lips as she turns her head and moves her legs under the covers. He watches her intently for any sign of discomfort or of awakening. Her eyes flutter open unseeing before their heaviness forces them closed once again and sleep reigns over her.

Derek releases the breath that he doesn't realize he has been holding, a part of him relieved that he gets a few more moments to enjoy just being with her.

"Hey, how is she?" his mother asks from the doorway.

Derek jumps from the sudden violation of his thoughts as he turns to face his mother. "She hasn't woken up yet, but their heart rates have been stable..." he trails off as he glances yet again at the numerous wires and monitors attached to Meredith.

His mother sighs sympathetically before stepping into the room and placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Just give her time, son. She has been broken and broken again so many times...just give her time," she says in a soft, motherly voice.

Derek simply nods as he runs a hand over his tired face. His mother gently pats his back before walking out of the room and leaving him alone with Meredith.

--

She inhales deeply before exhaling almost as if breathing a long sigh. She blinks her eyes slowly open, the light burning her retinas and momentarily blinding her. The drugs flow heavily through her system and there is a dull ache in her abdomen. The last several hours are all a blur. Various faces appear through layers of fog, not clear but not completely obscure. Her throat aches and her tongue feels heavy.

She forces her eyes open once again and is met by the sight of the monitors. Blink. Blink. Her eyes widen in realization. Although this is a fear she has experienced previously, the heavy sedation leaves that memory blurred and her reality uncertain. She tries to sit up in vain.

"Hey, what are you doing?" she hears in a soft, compassionate, tired voice.

A voice she knows. She sees his face. She sees his face outside her suite on the cruise ship. She sees his face underneath the duvet in her room. She sees his sleeping face as she leaves him that final time. She sees his face in the lobby.

She pivots her head slowly on her cervical vertebrae and that is when she really sees his face. His face in the present. Not in the past. Not in the future. In the now. Her eyes widen as a high-pitched gasp escapes from her lips.

"Derek," she whispers in a voice of realization. He knows. He knows that she is pregnant. He knows.

He smiles a soft, tired smile. A smile that only highlights the yellowish circles that have begun to appear under his currently wrinkled eyes. "Meredith," he whispers in response in a reverent voice. But it is not to Meredith that he is responded. It is directed to some God that has answered his prayer.

She lies back with a sigh as her eyes never leave his worn face. She traces all of the features of his face, features that she has seen every night, every day, ever hour, since the last time she was able to drink him in.

She closes her eyes and inhales deeply. "What happened?" she whispers as her right hands travels slowly over her stomach, almost as if checking that her son, _their_ son, is still there.

Derek pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger as he leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees. His hands drop down and dangle carelessly between his legs as he raises his eyes towards her. She appears to him as if a goddess surrounded by the white sheets of the hospital bed. "When you fell, it caused a small tear in your placenta. It also appears that you were having contractions from…" he pauses and forces the lump that has begin to rise up his esophagus back down.

This information he had learned from her chart. This information his mother knew but knowingly forgot to tell him. She didn't tell him because she knew that it would tear him apart from the inside out.

He looks up at Meredith as she chews her lip nervously. His heart flutters at the familiar sight. He clears his throat and the flutters fade away as the reality dismisses the fantasies he has clung to for so long. "You were having contractions from a prolonged malnourishment," he finishes in a voice barely above a whisper as his eyes fall to the floor.

He hears her gasp and looks up again to her face to find it even paler than before and trails of tears making their journey southward. It is a beautiful and heartbreaking sight. Beautiful only because there is a certain beauty associated with the vulnerability of the female sex.

"Mer," he begins as he struggles to his feet, the chair holding him down like a vacuum as his tiredness weighs him down.

She shakes her head vigorously. "I did this," she begins to sob. "I did this. I..this…this is all…my fault….I…Oh my God…I…no…"

He reaches out to comfort her and she shrinks from his touch. "Don't touch me. I don't deserve comfort. I…I almost killed our son. I…"

She can't continue on as her words are obstructed from the constant sobs that originate from her heart and permeate throughout her entire being. He stands there, helpless, watching the one he loves blame herself for almost killing their son. But he knows. He knows that it isn't his fault. He knows she has been working while trying to go to medical school. He knows. He knows that it isn't Meredith's fault. It isn't Meredith's fault. It's _his_ fault. It's his fault and the immense guilt is already gnawing away at his already fragile conscience.

**Sorry it has been so long...Life has been kicking my ass...and then this place wouldn't let me upload my documents...so yeah...I'll post another chapter soon...I think there are probably 3 or 4 that haven't been posted. So so sorry. **

**-Marci**


	24. Chapter 24

Her soft snores reverberate throughout the still room, the only other sounds are those manufactured by the monitors

Her soft snores reverberate throughout the still room, the only other sounds are those manufactured by the monitors. The white of his eyes are bloodshot and heavy, yellow bags cause him to look several years older than he really is. He runs his hand tiredly over his face once again, only his hand doesn't feel like his hand. The tiredness has so pervaded that his body that his rough hand feels like silk softly gliding over his worn features.

He feels his eyelids begin to grow heavy as each blink becomes more labored. He can't go to sleep. He needs to watch over her. He needs to protect her. He has to.

_Blink_

She giggles as he crawls up the bed under the shelter of the covers, his morning whiskers tickling the soft skin of her legs as he slowly rubs his face against her, wanting to feel every part of her against every inch of him.

_Blink_

He pushes her back against the cold tiles of the shower as the water cascades down both of their bodies. She giggles at the sudden shock of the cold and he can't help but chuckle from the infectiousness of her laughter. This is what made them perfect, their ability to laugh one moment before returning to the intense passion that fervently boiled within both of their souls for the other.

_Blink_

He is trying to stay awake, wanting to enjoy every last moment of their last night together. He wants to remember everything. The soft sounds of her snores. The gently waft of lavender from her conditioner that surrounds him like an ethereal cloud. The rise and fall of her chest from her deep breathing. Inhaling. Exhaling. Inhaling. Exhaling. Snoring. Sleeping. Dreaming.

"Derek?" a tired voice says, awakening him from the restless sleep he had entered into only shortly before.

He forces his heavy eyelids open, immediately meeting the sad, tired eyes of Meredith. He instantly sits up and quickly runs his hand over his face.

"Hey," he responds huskily.

"Have you been here all night?" she asks as she studies him carefully.

"Yeah," he sighs.

"You didn't have to…" she begins nervously.

"Yes, I did. I do. I have to," he states sternly as his posture stiffens even more.

She shifts slightly, wincing in pain as her aching body protests the movement. Derek jumps to his feet to help her move up the bed. She reluctantly accepts the help and smiles gratefully at him in return.

"How are you feeling?" he asks in a concerned voice as he pulls his chair closer to her bed.

"Other than the fact that I feel like a giant hippo all the time anyways and the fact that I'm achy, tired, and sore from the surgery…okay," she says as she shrugs.

He can't help but chuckle at her answer. "Yeah. Stupid question. I get it," he says as he leans back and shakes his head, experiencing the first instant of relief since he first saw her come through the doors of the hospital.

She turns her head and smiles softly at him. "Yeah, but thanks for asking," she says in a quiet voice.

"Always. I will always ask," he says in a serious voice. He can't help but notice her shoulders stiffen. "Mer…I know now is not the time…nor the place…but we do need to talk…sooner rather than later," he says as he runs his palms against his thighs.

She sighs as she sinks even further into the bed. "I know," she responds before averting her glance towards the monitor.

"I want to be there…" he begins.

She immediately turns to face him. "I want you to be there. For the baby," she states, placing emphasis on the final word.

He sighs as he pinches the bridge of his nose. "But what about for you?"

"I'm fine," she persists.

"Right," he responds in a tone of disbelief.

"I don't need you. I certainly don't need you out of obligation to your son," she says, crimson creeping into her cheeks as her frustration rises.

He throws his hands up in surrender, knowing that now is not the time to press the subject. "Fine," he surrenders.

A knock on the door interrupts their discussion as his mother and father stick their heads in.

"How are you feeling today, dear?" his mother asks in a soft voice as she glances at Meredith's chart.

"As good as can be expected," Meredith answers with the best smile she can muster.

"My son isn't bothering you now, is he?" Dr. Shepherd asks.

Meredith giggles softly as she glances at Derek. "Always," she responds in a joking tone.

Dr. Shepherd chuckles as he pats his son on the shoulder. He leans down to whisper in his son's ear. "You look like shit," he says quietly so Meredith doesn't hear him.

Derek rolls his eyes as he shrugs his dad's hand off of his shoulder. "Thanks, Dad. Appreciate it."

Dr. Shepherd chuckles once again as he straightens up. "Meredith, I was thinking that maybe Derek and I could run to your home and get you some items. You are going to be here a couple of more days, and I thought that you might want some things," he says as he awaits the young woman's response.

Derek starts to protest, not wanting to leave Meredith's side, but bites his tongue after he notices the look his mother is sending him.

Meredith chews on her bottom lip as she debates what to do. She fears what they will think when they see her run down apartment.

"Where are your keys?" Dr. Shepherd asks resolutely and she knows that he won't take no for an answer.

Meredith sighs as she leans back against the pillow. "In my purse," she responds in a defeated voice. "My address is on my driver's license," she adds before closing her eyes and attempting to block out the mental images that are invading her mind.

It will be okay. It will be okay. It has to be okay.

Shit.


	25. Chapter 25

A knot forms in Derek's stomach as they navigate the roads towards Meredith's apartment. He can't help but notice the dilapidated state of all the buildings around him. His grip tightens on the side of the chair as the anger towards himself and towards Meredith's mother grows.

"I should warn you, Derek. Meredith's mother cut her off financially, so I'm not really sure what we will find," his father says in a soft, sad tone as he watches his son wage an internal war within himself.

Derek turns slightly in the passenger's seat and opens his mouth to speak when the car comes to a stop.

"Here we are," his father states simply as he places the car in park.

Derek turns to look out the window and he feels his heart drop as his eyes scan the old, run down building. Tears burn the corner of his eyes as he takes in the chipped paint and cracked concrete that make up the exterior of the building.

He doesn't speak and he feels as if his entire body has gone numb as he exits the car. He gazes up at the building, images of his Meredith struggling flashing before his eyes. A hand on his shoulder brings him out of his reverie, but does not recall him back to his body as he numbly follows his father into the building.

His feet feel like lead shoes as he climbs each stair, unable to suppress the feelings of guilt as he wonders how many times his tired Meredith has been forced to climb the creaky stairs while he lived in his nice apartment. Quietly and distractedly he follows his father up the several flights of stairs, each step, each passing floor, only adding to the weight supported by his shoulders, an image of Atlas in the modern world.

His father sighs as they stop before a door that looks like it has been kicked in several times in the past. "Well….here we are," he states as he pulls out the key.

Derek feels the bile slowly begin to rise in his throat as his father opens the door and a gust of the cold, winter air hits him in the face. He forces himself to follows his father into the front room of the apartment. He slowly glances around and it's not what he sees that bothers him, it's what he doesn't see. There is no television. There are no rugs or simple decorations. The only thing that sits in this room is a run down couch that he would probably never even sit on if it didn't belong to Meredith.

The tears threaten once again, but he forces them to stay at bay as he walks past his father and into the kitchen. He stops in his tracks and his face turns a pale shade of green as he sees a horde or roaches running across the counter. There is no food sitting out, so he knows that the roaches are not a result of slovenliness, but of the building itself. As he looks through the cabinets this thought is confirmed even further as there is no food to be found.

He hears his father's footsteps hit the floor behind him as he braces himself against the refrigerator. "She has nothing," he whispers in a tone laced with venom. "She has nothing and I have everything. She…and I…and this…and…" his words come to a screeching halt as the bile forces itself up his esophagus. He leans over the trashcan as he heaves violently.

His father is immediately at his side, rubbing his hand up and down his back. "It's not your fault, Derek. You cannot keep blaming yourself. All that will do is cause you to become this dark and angry person and it will benefit nobody," his father says as Derek straightens up and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

"What am I supposed to do?" he begs as he turns around and faces his dad. This is not a man asking a man for advice, but a son asking a father.

His dad smiles a soft smile as he shrugs his shoulders slightly. "You be there for them now. You do everything you can to make things easier for Meredith…" he says as he gently squeezes Derek's shoulder. He turns to walk out of the room, but stops as he reaches the doorway to Meredith's bedroom. "I think you should do this. You know her better than me and I'm not sure how she would feel having her teacher snoop through her things," he says before turning around and heading back into the living room.

Derek inhales deeply before taking a step forward, unsure of what to expect when he enters the room that he knows will show more of Meredith's character than any other room of the apartment.

Derek pushes the cracked door open, inhaling deeply as he does so, preparing himself for what he is about to see.

He slowly glances around the room, nothing spectacular jumping out at him. There are clothes strewn across the floor. He can't help but chuckle as this state of disarray does not shock him. He takes a step into the bedroom, the draft from the poorly sealed window chilling him to the bone. He shivers slightly as he begins to run his forefinger along the edge of a banged up dresser which he assumes holds her clothing.

His eyes take in the cracked paint of the walls and the frayed carpet with its multitudinous stains. His eyes return to the dresser to examine the several portraits that decorate its top, the only hints of happiness he has seen thus far in the apartment. The first picture is of Meredith and her friends getting ready to board the cruise ship. He can't help but note the true smile on her face as she rolls her eyes at the absurdity of her friends.

His eyes trail away from that photograph and his heart flutters as the next image that he sees is one of him and Meredith. It was one that was taken by the photographer on board, but he didn't know that it had been taken. It was the day he was eating with Mark and Meredith had come over to him and sat down in his lap. The snapshot was the moment before they kissed and the intensity in both of their eyes is undeniable. He runs his finger over her framed face, wanting to get lost in the not-so-distant past but knowing that the present requires his attendance.

The third and last picture on the dresser takes him by surprise even more. It is just a picture of him, sleeping. There is a small smile on his face as his arm reaches across the bed towards the ghost of the woman who has left him in his slumber. He has no idea when this picture was taken, so he glances down at the date stamp, gasping as he reads the date of their last night together.

That is when he knows. That is when he knows that she really did care. That it wasn't just a fling to her. That is when he knows that there was something. A something in the past that might be able to supply him hope for the future.

"Derek, son? You almost ready?" his father calls from another room.

Derek clears his throat. "Uh…just give me a minute…" he responds as he reluctantly tears his eyes away from the photos and resumes his inspection of Meredith's bedroom.

He notices a black duffle bag out of the corner of his eye as well as a computer case. He picks these items up and places them on the bed as he prepares to gather some of her things together to take to her. As he is opening the duffle bag, his eyes land on something familiar, stopping his movements all together.

Lying on the bed amongst the covers is his favorite NYU sweater. He had wondered where it had gone and now he knows. Meredith took it. He reaches over and grabs the sweater, bringing it up to his nose the scent of lavender immediately overtakes him. A smile curves his lip as he carefully folds the sweater and it becomes the first item packed.

He continues gathering essential items for Meredith until the duffle bag is bulging and he has to fight with the zipper to close it.

He sighs as he looks around him, the desolation of the apartment filling him with an inexplicable sadness. Most of the items from her apartment have fit within the duffle bag. What happened to all of her things?

He shakes his head in disbelief as he packs up her laptop, the hinges of the old computer fighting with him as he forces it closed. He scans the room once more, wondering where her books are.

"Dad?" he calls.

"Yeah?" his father answers him as he appears in the doorway.

"Have you seen any of her books?" Derek asks as he continues to scan the room.

His dad clears his throat. "No, I haven't. I don't…I don't think she has them…" he says in a sad voice.

Derek turns his head to look at his dad. "How can she not have them?" he asks in disbelief.

Derek's dad shrugs sadly as he looks at his son. "I just know that I have never seen her with them. They keep them at the library for student to use, so I just assumed…"

Derek can't take it anymore. He sits down on the edge of the lumpy bed, his head falling in his hands. "I have to fix this," he says, his voice muffled by his hands.

His father sits down next to him, resting a hand on his son's slumped shoulders. "We will son, we will fix this."

Derek nods as a car alarm begins to sound in the street. He doesn't know exactly what to do, but he does know one thing. He does know that there is no way in hell his Meredith is ever spending a night in this apartment again.


	26. Chapter 26

They finally arrive at Meredith's house after the quiet drive, both too deep in their own thoughts to carry on an intelligible conversation and neither daring to break the silence

Derek rests his forehead against the cold glass of his father's car. The dilapidated buildings blur together as they make their way out of Meredith's neighborhood and back towards the hospital. His hot breath causes the window to fog, only further obstructing his vision.

"She can't stay there," he whispers as he closes his eyes, the hum of the engine of the car only increasing his nausea.

He can hear his father sigh in the driver's seat. "I know, son," he responds in a hushed voice as he turns up the defroster.

His fingers play with the threads from the frayed handle of Meredith's bag as his gaze drops to the floor board. The warmth from the heaters have displaced the cold from her apartment, but fail to displace the chill that now inhabits his marrow from seeing the horrid conditions in which she lived.

"What do we do?" he asks as he turns to his father, his eyes full of confusion and desperately seeking help.

His father sighs heavily as the car comes to a stop at a red light. "We talk to her. We can't force her," he says as he looks at his son. His heart breaks for his son as Derek looks completely shattered.

Derek slowly nods his head before turning back to stare at the passing images.

--

Meredith plays with the loose threads at the end of the warm blanket covering her. The sounds of the television fill the room, but she isn't paying attention. Her eyes are looking out the window. The snow has started falling again. She used to love the snow. Snow to her was romantic. It meant curling up together in a blanket next to the fire while drinking a hot cup of coco.

Now. Now it means desolation. Loneliness. Now it means a cold night with her curling up in her tattered quilt as she tries desperately to stay warm.

He is going to see her apartment. He is going to see so much of her current soul. Not the soul she was on the cruise. Not the soul that was happy. The now soul. The tormented soul. The lonely soul. He is going to see that soul and he isn't going to like it. What will he say? What will he think? Will he hate her for how she has been living?

He should. Hell. She hates herself.

She inhales deeply as the snowfall increases. She can vaguely hear the howling of the wind from the outside. For some insane reason, she finds solace in the chaos that exists outside the walls of the hospital. It lets her know that she is not alone. Not completely.

The silenced monitors begin to beep loudly as the white sheets of snow fade to black.

--

Dr. Shepherd parks the car in the parking lot designated for doctors. He turns off the ignition before turning to look at his son. "Don't push her. She seems like the type that would push back," he says as his son raises his eyes to his.

Derek chuckles lightly as he shakes his head. "That she is. It's one of the things I lov...like about her," he says as he catches himself.

Derek's father smiles sadly at his son. "It's okay to love her. I know you do. She may not be ready to hear it, but it is okay that you feel that way," he says as he reaches out and places a hand on Derek's shoulder.

"No. It's not. It's not okay that I feel this way. It's not okay that every time I close my eyes, I see her. I see her shivering under that fucking tattered blanket as she tries to stay warm, wanting nothing more than to take her into my arms and fight away the cold. I see her living off of crackers and water. I see her struggling. I see her barely getting by as I sit here having more than I need. It's not okay. Nothing is okay. Nothing," he says as his voice trembles from emotion.

"You're right. It's not okay. It's not okay that that young woman is in there lying in a hospital bed, both her life and that of my grandson in jeopardy and all you are concerned about is how you feel. You are right. It's not okay," his father tells him in an angry voice before opening his door and leaving Derek sitting all alone in the car.

His father is right. He knows that he is right. Derek has been so worried with how he is feeling that he has forgotten about how Meredith feels. He was too worried about how her situation made him feel that he was starting to forget that he doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how he feels. All that matters is how Meredith feels and that she gets better.

He quickly grabs her bags out of the floorboard and exits the car. He needs to see her. He just needs to see her. He runs across the parking lot, the snow falling heavy, blanketing him in a moist layer of white.

He blindly makes his way through the hospital. When he arrives at her room, he isn't exactly sure how he has gotten there. He is one step away from entering her room when he hears the loud beeping of a monitor.

He stops in his tracks, the fear stilling him instantly. It takes a moment for him to regain control over his body and enter the room. As he crosses the threshold of the room, he is forced to support himself against the frame of the door as the sight that greets him is the scariest he has ever seen.

Lying on the bed is Meredith. The color is drained from her face. Her eyes are closed and her face is turned towards the window and the linens that surround her already frail body are covered in blood.


	27. Chapter 27

_Lying on the bed is Meredith. The color is drained from her face. Her eyes are closed and her face is turned towards the window and the linens that surround her already frail body are covered in blood. _

"Oh God," he hears himself whisper. His feet are frozen in place momentarily as the blood drains from his face, his pallor now matching that of Meredith.

His vision blurs as he trips over his feet, somehow managing to stumble towards the bed. He reaches up and presses the call button before beginning to fumble with the blood-drenched blankets covering Meredith's body.

"Can I help you?" a female voice asks.

Derek doesn't answer as he turns to the cabinet behind him to retrieve a handful of clean towels.

"Can I help you?" she asks again, this time a hint of aggravation in her voice.

"I need some help in here," he manages to choke out as he lifts Meredith's hospital gown up over her abdomen. His hands are now covered in her blood, a Macbeth of his own making.

He can see the blood oozing from her now-open wound, that crimson liquid affecting him more than it ever has.

"What's going on?" he hears the voice of his mother ask as she runs into the room.

Derek shakes his head as he applies pressure to her wound. "Her stitches," is all that he is able to manage.

His mother tries to take over, but Derek refuses to move. He refuses to look her in the eyes as he reverts his gaze to his blood-covered hands.

"Derek?" his mother questions him.

He shakes his head no as his vision blurs. It isn't until he notices tears mixing with blood that he realizes he is crying. He feels a gloved hand grab his wrist.

"Derek, let me take over here. You go comfort her," the voice of his father instructs him.

He doesn't want to move, but he doesn't fight his father as Dr. Shepherd replaces his son's hand with his own. The voices blend together in the chaos of the room as he focuses his attention on Meredith's face. She doesn't look like she is in pain. She looks as if she is sleeping peacefully, an image that only adds to the horror of the scene.

He runs his blood covered fingers along her jaw line, smearing blood on her face, but he doesn't care. "Mer, please wake up," he whispers as he places a soft, desperate kiss on her brow.

"Call the blood bank for one unit of blood. She is small, we don't want to overload her," his mother orders to a nearby nurse. She soon turns to another nurse. "I want a unit of fluid on her while we wait," she tells another nurse before walking over to her husband. "How bad is it?" she asks him in a hushed voice.

He shakes his head. "It doesn't look too bad, but I don't think the bleeding is going to stop on its own," he answers as he lifts the cloth off of Meredith's abdomen, allowing more blood to seep from her wound.

Mrs. Shepherd turns to the only remaining nurse in the room. "Go get me a suture kit," she instructs him. He simply nods before exiting the room, leaving the newly-formed family all alone.

"Derek, honey," she begins as she places a gentle hand on his back, "her blood pressure and heart rate are a little low, but not dangerously slow. She has lost a lot of blood, but we are going to take care of her. She is going to be fine," she tells him in a motherly voice, but he doesn't seem to hear her.

"Derek?" this time it is his father's voice, stern yet comforting. "Why don't you set her bags down and go clean up? You don't want her to see you like this when she wakes up, which should be soon."

Derek simply nods as he pries himself away from Meredith. He drops her bags in a chair next to her bed before rinsing his hands in the sink. He becomes mesmerized by the sight of the water cleansing the blood from his hands. His eyes follow the path of the stream of blood as it circles the bottom of the sink before disappearing down the bottomless drain. Meredith's blood. Meredith's red, sticky blood on his hands.

The bile once again begins to rise up his esophagus as his stomach never ceases its churning motions. The past twenty-four hours have left him emotionally drained and his body is beginning to retaliate, demanding vengeance for the stress it has endured. He grips the sides of the sinks with his wet hands as he forces his eyes closed. The room has finally stopped spinning, but in its place is the image of the diluted blood winding its way down the sink. He has washed her life down the drain. The blood is the life, and he has simply washed it away.

He feels tempted to climb under the cabinet and disassemble the pipes in order to reclaim that life that has been treated with such little worth. He needs to let her know that she is not nothing. He needs to let her know that she is everything. He needs to let her know that he is there for her, and not for him.

He finally opens his eyes, but the blood that he has washed off remains. The spot will not dissipate, just as the guilt over her situation burns into his soul.

But he must push these feelings down. He must quell the rising storm before it consumes him. Meredith needs him. He needs to be there for her.

He wipes away the remnants of tears of his face with the back of his hand, determination now creasing his brow. He will be strong for her. He has to be strong for her.

However, his resolve is immediately threatened as he hears a tired, strained voice call out to him.

"Derek?"


	28. Chapter 28

"_Derek?"_

Derek whips his head around as he hears his name roll of her tongue, all of his previous thoughts forgotten as all of his attention returns to her. He is instantly by her bed, his fingers finding their home in her hair.

"Mer," he says as he searches her face in a reverent tone, almost as if she is the answer to all of his prayers.

"What happened?" she manages to choke out as she glances at the unit of blood they are now hanging.

He glances up at his mom, not knowing the full extent of the matter. Mrs. Shepherd walks over to the other side of Meredith's bed. Meredith instinctively grabs Derek's hand as she fears the worst. As painful as the situation is, he can't help but feel his heart flutter slightly as he feels her hand once again fit perfectly within his own.

"Your stitches didn't hold and you were bleeding out, but we have got the bleeding under control and the baby's heart rate is stabilized," his mother tells her in a soothing, motherly voice.

Almost as if she is too tired to speak any more, Meredith simply nods and allows her head to fall back on the pillows. Derek instinctively begins to rub the top of her hand with his thumb, causing her to turn her face towards him. It is then that he notices the dry blood on her face, put there by his earlier frantic behavior.

He releases her hand, prompting her to question him with her eyes. "I'm just going to get a wash cloth to clean up the blood on your face," he tells her as he leans closer to her as he continues his attempts to sooth her.

She closes her eyes for a moment before nodding. Derek turns around to get a wash cloth from the cabinet which is also covered in Meredith's blood. He hesitates momentarily before opening the cabinet and retrieving a wash cloth. He then proceeds to the sink, where he impatiently waits for the water to turn luke warm.

Once he has dampened the cloth he turns around to clean her up, but he is stunned to find her staring at him, tears welling in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asks her as he slowly begins to clean her face, each gentle stroke removing some of the blood.

She shakes her head, refusing to answer him. She looks into his eyes as he takes his take and exercises great care in cleaning her.

"You don't want to talk about it?" he asks her as he tosses the soiled rag into the nearby biohazard bag.

Once again she shakes her head. He can already notice a slight flush returning to her cheek as the blood is pumped into her body. He almost fails to notice the body that moves next to him in order to sew Meredith's wound back up.

"Okay, Meredith, I'm going to sew you back up. I'm sure that you don't feel much because of the pain medicine we have given you, but I'm still going to apply some local anesthetic," Mrs. Shepherd tells her as she begins to inject the lidocaine into the open wound as well as the surrounding area.

Derek can hear the sharp intake of breath that Meredith takes as she feels the burning sensation from the numbing agent.

"So," Derek begins in an attempt to distract her, "after she finishes with the stitches, how would you like to change out of that hospital gown and into some of your own clothes?" he asks with a small smile.

He notices her eyes light up instantly at the suggestion. "What did you bring?" she asks in a tired, yet somewhat excited voice.

He chuckles as he turns around and grabs her bag. "What didn't I bring?" he asks as he unzips the stuffed back. Instantly the clothes spill out, his sweater landing on the edge of her bed.

He notices her glance at the sweater before blushing furiously. "I…sorry… didn't mean to steal it…okay…I did…but…I didn't mean for you to know that I did… didn't think that you would miss it…smelled like you…and I just…I had nothing else to wear but that tiny black dress…and I really didn't feel like putting that back on…Sorry.." she rambles as she looks at her hands and bites down on her bottom lip.

Derek chuckles. "Mer?" he says in a light voice, lighter than it has been in what seems like forever.

"Yeah?" she responds as she forces herself to look at him.

"It's yours," he responds before handing the sweater to her. He never would have given that sweater to anyone else. It was his lucky sweater. The sweater he wore to every test. The sweater that he had had since his freshman year of high school, the year he decided that NYU was the school for him. The sweater that he had missed, but not as much as he had missed the thief that had lifted it.

Meredith bites down on her lip and nods in response, understanding some of the significance of his words, but not their entire meaning. She grabs the sweater and brings it up to her nose, inhaling deeply.

"Derek?" she asks.

"Yeah?" he responds as he continues to dig through her bag, looking for a pair of sweats for her to wear.

"Thanks," she finally answers after a momentarily silence.

He stops his movements and smiles at her. "You're welcome," he responds as he places the bag at the foot of her bed. He places his hands on the bed rail, leaning forward slightly and placing some of his weight on the rails.

"Now, about that apartment…"

**Please review! :D**


	29. Chapter 29

"_Now, about that apartment…"_

He can visibly see Meredith tense as he broaches a topic she knew would come up eventually. She didn't want to live there, but what was she supposed to do? Cost of living in New York is outrageous.

She stares at the wall behind him, afraid to see disappointment in his eyes, a disappointment that she has seen in every pair of eyes that she has loved.

"Mer, there is no way that you can keep living there…" he begins hesitatingly, knowing that no matter how he broaches the subject, it isn't going to be something she wants to hear.

She jerks her head in his direction, anger flashing in her eyes. "What was I supposed to do?" she practically yells at him. "My own mother, my darling bitch of a mother, cut me off because I refused to get rid of 'my little problem'" she says, making the air quotes around the last phase. "I have loans, but not enough. They don't even cover tuition. I have been working two jobs just to scrape by and I'm still behind two months, so, you tell me oh great Dr. Derek Shepherd, what the hell was I supposed to do?!" she finishes before falling back on the bed, her face now completely flushed as she folds her arms over her chest.

"Meredith," he begins softly as he runs his fingers through his unruly hair, "I…I'm not saying that you haven't done a great job on your own, what I'm saying, what I'm trying to say…is that you don't have to do it alone anymore. I'm here, Mer. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere," he says as his mother finishes the stitches.

The tears have welled in Meredith's eyes as she listens to Derek's words, but she can't. She can't let him back in. She can't. It hurt too much last time.

Mrs. Shepherd stands up and smiles down at Meredith. "You're a part of this family now, Meredith. We are all here for you. I'm going to give you two some time alone, but I will be back in five minutes to check on you," she says as she pats Meredith gently on the knee.

Mrs. Shepherd walks out of the room, leaving them alone. They momentarily remain in silence, neither sure of how to once again broach the heavy topic.

"Look, Mer," he sighs as he pulls the chair closer to her bed before sitting down, "I know you're stubborn and I love that about you, but please, don't be stubborn on this. Think about the baby, our son. Think about you having to walk up all of those stairs. You can't walk up those stairs right now and I'm sure my mom is going to put you on restriction for the rest of your pregnancy. So, please, just give in on this," he begs her as he tries to reach for her hand. But she jerks away from him.

"I'm not moving in with you," she whispers as she turns to face the wall opposite him. She can't live with him. She is too weak. She just can't.

Derek sighs in frustration as he leans back in the chair. His mother taps on the door and walks into the room, checking the monitors before turning to her son and the young woman she already sees as a daughter.

"So, has my son convinced you to leave your apartment?" his mother asks with a smile as she looks at Meredith.

Meredith sighs as she looks into the eyes of the older woman.

"She doesn't want to move in with me," Derek answers for her.

Mrs. Shepherd chuckles as she looks at her son. "Of course she doesn't. She hasn't seen you for months, you can't expect her to just move right in with you. Plus, they are coming to renovate your townhouse and they said that it would take at least three weeks. Meredith will stay with us," she says. It is a statement and not a question.

Meredith opens her mouth to argue, but Mrs. Shepherd stops her. "You will not argue this, Meredith," she admonishes her briefly. "You are practically my daughter. You are carrying my grandson. You will come stay with us and you will let us help you. No arguments," Mrs. Shepherd says in her authoritative, motherly tone before walking out of the room, not giving Meredith a chance to respond.

Meredith stares after her, her mouth agape in shock. She turns to Derek. "Is she always like that?" she asks in disbelief.

Derek chuckles while nodding. "Yup."

"I think I like her," Meredith finally says after a moment.

Derek chuckles again before the room eases into silence. Several moments pass before Derek looks at Meredith, his McDreamy smile plastered on his face as he tilts his head to the side, working the full Shepherd charm.

"So, how about we get you out of that hospital gown?"


	30. Chapter 30

_"So, how about we get you out of that hospital gown?"_

Meredith's mouth falls open in shock as Derek wiggles his eyebrows suggestively at her.

She opens her mouth to reprimand him, but as the words form on the tip of her tongue, she feels something in her stomach.

"Oopmf," she says as she places her hand on her stomach.

Derek immediately drops the smile from his face, as he thinks that something is wrong, and rushes to her side.

"What is it, Mer? Are you in pain? Is it the baby? Do you think it's your stitches again?" he rambles as he begins to examine her, searching for the cause of the strange noise she uttered.

She looks up at him and that is when he notices the huge smile on her face. He stops in his tracks, his mouth open, the next question on the tip of his tongue and his brow knit in confusion.

"He kicked me," she whispers through the tears that have started to form in her eyes.

Derek's mouth falls open as he stares at her in awe, the amazement of parenthood not having fully settled in yet.

"He kicked you?" he asks in a barely audible whisper, almost as if he didn't think this moment would ever come. Five hours ago they didn't know if he would make it, and now he is kicking. He is kicking.

Meredith bites down on her lip as she nods, grabbing his hand as she pulls the blanket down, exposing her swollen abdomen. She places his hand on the area that she feels the baby kicking. He seems too shocked to speak, to move, to breathe. He waits, every ounce of his being focused on the area where his hand is. Not only is he touching her soft skin, he is waiting. Waiting to feel the baby kick for the first time. His baby. His son. Their son.

And then he feels it.

A tiny flutter. Barely noticeable. But it is there. But it is there and he feels it. He feels it. He feels him. Moving. Under her skin. Inside of her. Something that they created. Together.

He isn't exactly sure how long he stands there, his hand on her abdomen, his mouth slightly agape, the area under his palm the focal point of all his attention. It is when she places her hand on top of his that he finally manages to look at her through tear filled eyes.

"He kicked," he whispers again, his voice still full of disbelief. It is almost as if the baby up until this moment was just a thought, but now that thought has been transformed into reality.

Meredith smiles softly at him and nods, opening her mouth to speak as there is a knock at the door and his mother enters the room. She pauses in her tracks, noticing the tears in their eyes, and her son's hand on Meredith's abdomen.

"Oh…I'm sorry…" she says as she begins to turn around.

"No. Wait," Meredith tells her.

Mrs. Shepherd pauses and looks at Meredith.

"Do you want to feel him kick?" Meredith asks the expecting grandmother.

A huge smile crosses Mrs. Shepherd's face as she walks over to the side of Meredith's bed.

"Of course I would," she tells Meredith as Meredith grabs her hand, getting ready to place it on her abdomen.

"You have to move your hand, Derek," Meredith tells him as she giggles.

He cocks his head to the side and smiles at her as he moves his hand, happy to just hear her giggle again but also feeling cold at the loss of touch.

Mrs. Shepherd's smile grows as she feels the flutter under her hand. "He is a strong one, isn't he?" she asks as she laughs.

"That's good right?" Meredith asks in a worried voice. "I mean…that he is kicking…after the surgery…that's good, isn't it?" Meredith asks as Mrs. Shepherd glances at the monitor.

"It's great, dear," Mrs. Shepherd says as she turns back to Meredith. "I thought you were going to get into some more comfortable clothes?" she asks as she notices Meredith is still in her hospital gown.

"I was…but he kicked…and…when can I go home?" she asks as the thought suddenly strikes her.

"I hope by home you mean back to my house," Mrs. Shepherd tells her seriously as she sits down on the end of the bed.

"Well, I…I…seriously? I mean…I don't want to be a burden…and…I still have to get my things…and I really don't want to be a burden to anyone…I'll be fine…seriously…I will be fine.." she rambles on as she becomes mesmerized by a certain loose thread at the end of the blanket.

Derek chuckles as sits down in the chair next to her bed. She turns to him, a scowl on her face. "What?" she asks in a slightly offended tone.

"You are always cute when you ramble," he tells her as he cracks his McDreamy smile.

A blush creeps up Meredith's neck and into her cheeks as she focuses on her hands. "Look, Mer," he begins, reaching over and placing his thumb and forefinger under her chin, forcing her to look at him, "I don't want you to worry about your things. My dad and I will go get them. There is no way in hell I am letting you walk up all of those stairs," he says in a serious tone before standing up and leaning over her bed, one hand resting on the raised rail and the other on the pillow next to her head. "Second," he says as he leans down close enough to her that she can feel his hot breath against her face, "you are not a burden, you could never be a burden. Never. You…are the very opposite…you…relieve the burden of life…you make…you just…and I…you just need to know that you are not a burden," he says seriously as he struggles to find the words to express how he feels without scaring her too much.

"Okay," she whispers after a moment, unsure of what else to say.

"Okay," he reaffirms with a nod as he smiles brightly at her.

"I'm glad that's settled," his mom says as she gets up off of the bed. She begins to walk towards the door to allow Meredith to get changed. She pauses in the doorframe and turns around. "Oh, and Derek, you better not hassle the poor girl just because she will be under the same roof as you," she tells her son in a serious voice before leaving the two alone.

Meredith's mouth falls agape. "The same roof?" she asks him, confusion on her features.

"Oh yeah," Derek says with a mischievous smile. "Did I forget to tell you that I'll be staying at my parents for the next month while they renovate my town house?"


	31. Chapter 31

"_Oh yeah," Derek says with a mischievous smile. "Did I forget to tell you that I'll be staying at my parents for the next month while they renovate my town house?" _

Meredith's mouth falls open as she stares at him. Living under the same roof. For a month. The two of them. They used to not be able to last more than five minutes, how are they going to last a month? How is she going to last a month? Her pregnancy hormones have been everywhere lately and the itch has intensified with each passing day. No matter how bad it itches, she definitely doesn't want Derek to be the one to scratch. Not yet, anyways.

Her look of shock quickly turns to one of anger as a scowl furrows her brow and she purses her lips. "You ass!" she yells at him.

He chuckles as he crosses his arms over his chest, the sound reaching the two people standing out in the hallway. "How am I an ass?" he asks her, the twinkle in his eyes slowly beginning to return.

"You tricked me!" she tells him as she glares at him.

"I simply forgot to tell you," he tells her as he grabs her bag from the end of the bed.

"Whatever," she huffs as she falls back on the pillow, her arms crossed over her chest.

Derek chuckles again as he watches her childish display of anger. "Now, what do you want to wear? I sort of didn't know what you would want, so I grabbed as much stuff as I could…" he tells her as he digs through the bag.

Meredith attempt to raise up so that she can go through the bag, but Derek looks up at her and places a hand on her shoulder, stopping her. "What are you doing?" he asks her as he tilts his head to the side.

"I was just going to see what you brought," she says as she looks at him, confusion in her eyes.

"You have to take it easy, Mer. You can't be jumping up like that," he tells her seriously as he moves the bag higher up on the bed. He then reaches back and lifts the bed up, elevating her so that she can look through her things.

"Sorry," she mutters as she looks down at the sweater still clutched in her hands.

Derek reaches forward and places his fingers under her chin, forcing her to look at him. "Don't apologize. You have done nothing wrong. You are a strong person, you just have to remember to take it easy…" he says as he tucks a piece of hair behind her ear.

She smiles for a moment before jerking back slightly. He furrows his brow questioningly. "What?" he asks.

"You can't do that," she says as she shakes her head.

"Do what?" he asks as his eyebrows travel even higher.

"Act all…McDreamy…you just can't…you can't do that to me…I can't…and you can't…and we…we definitely can't…so…so just stop…please…just stop…" she begs him as she hugs the sweater close to her chest.

Derek sighs as he runs his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry," he says somewhat harshly. "I will just try to be more of an ass from now on," he tells her before turning around and walking out of the room, his frustration finally boiling over from feeling completely incompetent.

He ignores the questioning looks from his parents as he flies by them and down the hallway of the hospital, the events of the past twenty-four hours finally overwhelming him. All that he can think right now is how badly he really needs a drink.

**I know that this is a short chapter, but it is necessary for the next one. Hope you like it. **

**-Marci**


	32. Chapter 32

He slams the empty scotch glass down on her bar as the last remnants of the amber liquid burn his esophagus. Everything has finally come crashing down on him. Everything from the last twenty-four hours—Meredith, the baby, the surgery, the apartment, the blood—all of that has finally hit him smack in the face. So much is in the process of changing and he is in limbo, neither here nor there.

He motions for the bartender to refill his glass. He isn't sure how long he has been here. He isn't sure how many drinks he has consumed or how high he has ran his tab. He doesn't really care. Not right now. In the matter of twenty-four hours, he found Meredith to almost lose her again…twice. In the matter of twenty-four hours, he discovered that he was going to be a dad, only to have that threatened, twice. In the matter of twenty-four hours, Derek Shepherd's world has been shaken up, rearranged, and placed on some obscure shelf to allow the pieces to fall where they may.

He runs his finger slowly along the rim of the empty glass, his thoughts running in circles just as his finger. He sighs in frustration before allowing his head to fall forward, a soft thud resounding as his forehead comes into contact with the bar.

He isn't sure how long he stays this way as the music fades in and out of his conscious, only a background to the movie running on the backs of his eyelids. He doesn't even flinch when he feels a heavy hand on his back, afraid that if he opens his eyes, the dams will be open and the tears will flow freely.

"Derek," the worried paternal voice calls out to him, reaching out desperately hoping Derek will take his hand and allow him to help.

"I'm fine," Derek whispers as he struggles to lift his head off of the bar.

"You're not fine…and that's okay…you don't have to be fine," his father tells him as he sits down on the stool next to his son.

Derek grips the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. Frustration. Anger. Desperation. Helplessness. All of these emotions coursing through his veins and arteries in greater concentration than his own blood. His father doesn't understand. His father just doesn't get it. Derek does have to be fine. He has to be okay. He has to take care of Meredith. He has to. And he can't do that if he's not okay.

"Yes…I do," he whispers in a tone filled with anger--anger at having to be the strong one all the time. He wishes he could be weak, even if it were just for a moment. Weakness at this time will come across as being selfish…and he has no right to be selfish. Not when Meredith is the one who is lying in the hospital bed. Not when she is the one carrying their son. No. Derek cannot be weak. Derek Shepherd is not weak.

"Son…" his dad starts, but his voice melts into a sigh as the words evaporate into the air.

Derek somewhat blindly stumbles to his feet, shaking off the heavy hand of his father. "Don't," he whispers vehemently. "Just don't," he finishes before stumbling out of the bar, leaving the father to drop his head in his hands.

Derek walks out into the cold New York air, his winter coat forgotten on the back of his bar stool. But he doesn't care. The cold feels good against his clammy skin and he welcomes the moist flakes of snow as the bathe him. He runs his hand through his already disheveled hair. He staggers slightly at the disturbance in his equilibrium, but is able to balance himself by placing a hand on the nearby brick wall.

The bright lights of the hospital across the street shine in the darkness. Night has fallen and the piles of snow glisten as the tiny flakes reflect the multitudinous rays of light that hit them. The snow in the street is disgusting, blackened from the thousands of cars that have driven over since if first fell. That is how Derek feels. Like the blackened, dirty snow that has been trampled by uncaring drivers.

He pushes himself off of the wall and begins to walk across the street. A car blares its horn as he blindly crosses, not caring enough to look both ways.

His socks are wet and he is shivering by the time the doors of the hospital slide open, but he doesn't care. He doesn't feel. The scotch has made sure of that. The sudden onslaught of light blinds him momentarily, but he keeps moving. To the elevator. To her floor. To her room. It is all a blur, the trip, but a smudge of clarity begins to seep through as he stumbles into her room and her eyes flutter open.

Confusion furrows her brow as she takes in his disheveled appearance. The smell of scotch and cigars fills the room as he leans against the cabinet near her bed. He crosses his arms over his chest as he just stares at her.

She raises herself up slightly, ignoring the tinge of pain from her incision. She has been worried about him. Ever since he stormed out of her room, she hasn't been able to stop worrying about him. She watches as the moisture from the melted snow travels from his hairline down his nose, but he doesn't move to wipe it away.

He shifts on his feet, a squishing sound feeling the room from his wet shoes. He sighs as he once again runs a hand through his hair.

Meredith sits there in silence. Unsure of what to say. Unsure of what to do. The man before her is broken. She can see that. She can see that he is broken and she knows that she is the one that broke him.

She shifts again, suddenly uncomfortable under his intense gaze. The monitor shrieks as it slips down her abdomen. They both jump from the sudden intrusion on the heavy silence that has filled the room, but both seem to welcome it.

Meredith quickly replaces the monitor, allowing the silence to return. She leans back and exhales slowly, deciding that she needs to talk to him. She needs to talk to him for their son. Not for herself, but for their son.

"Derek," she finally whispers after what seems like an eternity.

Derek holds up his hand, silencing her. Derek closes his eyes and inhales deeply, attempting to calm the hurricane that is brewing inside of him. His eyes open, and she sees that his irises are the eye of the storm, raging with the inner turmoil the rest of his body is working so hard to repress.

"We need to talk."


	33. Chapter 33

"_We need to talk." _

His voice whispers into the darkness. She can hear the husky undertones that are a result of one too many drinks. She swallows the lump in her throat as she looks up at him.

"Derek…" she hesitating begins, only to be cut off abruptly by his angry voice.

"Don't. Don't tell me not now, because I need this. I need this now," he says in an eerily calm voice.

Meredith's eyes widen momentarily before she slowly nods and leans back against the pillows. He inhales deeply, trying to calm the storm of emotions that are fighting to escape.

"You can't do this. You can't push me away. Not when you are carrying our child. You can't refuse to let me help you. I ineed/i to help you. I don't expect for you to fall into my outstretched arms, but just know…you have to know…that they are outstretched. They will always be outstretched to welcome you. I just…you can't…you can't just push me away…" he pauses and takes another deep breath, his emotions beginning to get the best of him. "I…I care about you…so much…and it hurts…it hurts when you act like you hate me…" Derek pauses again and runs a hand roughly over his face, attempting to brush away the few tears that have fallen. He has never cried so much in his life as he has today.

Meredith pushes herself up slightly, her own eyes clouded with emotion. "Der…" she starts, but once again he interrupts her.

"Not yet," he says, his voice husky from emotion, "I'm not finished yet." He now begins to pace the room, so many words to say, but unsure of how to say them. "I'm…I'm always going to be there…our son…our son has formed a permanent bond between us…and…we don't have to be together…but we will never be apart…you can't keep me from him…and I want to be there…for everything…you…you can't keep me from that…" he pauses near the head of her bed, looking down on her with tear-filled eyes before collapsing in a nearby chair. "Please…please…please just let me be a part of this…of everything…I…" the remainder of his words are stopped by his strong attempt to subdue his emotions.

Meredith watches the man crumble before her, knowing that he is broken, knowing that she is the one that broke him. She places her hand on his shoulder wanting to make him feel a little better. He jumps at her touch before looking up at her. She can see his vulnerability. She can see his need. She can't let him in. Not completely, but maybe, just maybe, she can give him an inch.

"I don't want to do his room in something Disney or animally," she starts to ramble. "And you will have to paint…because last time I did it…more paint ended up on the floor and on me than on the walls…"

"Mer…" he interrupts her, confusion in his eyes, "what are you saying?" he asks, his voice somewhat hopeful.

Meredith wrings her hands as she forces herself to look him in the eyes. "I'm…I guess what I'm saying is…that after he is born…I'm not sure if before then…but after…we can live with you…do the whole Ross and Rachel thing I guess…that is if you want us to…I…I do want you to be there…I do…I need you to be there…I can't do this on my own…I thought I could…I thought I had to…I've always had to do everything on my own…and…I'm just not used to…"

"Thank you," he says interrupting her nervous rambling. "Thank you so much," he whispers as he brings her hand to her mouth, kissing her skin softly.

They remain in an awkward silence for several minutes until Meredith decides to break the ice. "So…how drunk are you?" she asks with a small smile.

Derek chuckles as he once again runs his hand over his face. "Pretty damn drunk," he says as he's laughing.

"I thought so. Although, I must say, I've seen you drunker," she says with a small smile.

Derek just nods and looks up at her. He notices for the first time that she has changed and is now wearing his NYU sweater. "You're wearing my sweater," he says as his smile broads.

She glances down at her chest before looking back up at him, her top teeth biting down on her bottom lip. "Yeah…I mean…you said it was mine…and…I can take it off if you have changed your mind…"

Derek chuckles as she begins to ramble nervously while tugging at the bottom of the sweater. "I'm glad that you are wearing it, Mer."

"Me too," Meredith whispers as she lays back down, the tiredness beginning to overwhelm her. "Me too," she whispers once again before drifting off into the most peaceful sleep she has had in a while.


	34. Chapter 34

Meredith awakens in the darkened room, the light from outside and the monitors casting an eerie glow around her. It takes her a moment before she realizes why she has woken up. One, she really has to pee and two, she is starving.

She glances around the room and sees Derek sleeping uncomfortably in a chair next to the bed. She needs to get up to go to the bathroom. She had made them take out the catheter earlier. She really hated that thing.

She sighs as she throws the covers off of her body, trying to figure out how to disconnect herself from all of the machines without waking Derek up. She is also trying to figure out how she can get a double quarter-pounder, French fries, and a chocolate shake from McDonald's. A large chocolate shake.

A loud beeping rings throughout the room as one of the monitors protests her movement. Derek jerks awake, looking alarmed through bloodshot eyes.

"Whatsamatter?" he mumbles as he jumps to his feet and rushes towards her.

Meredith bites her bottom lip as she looks at him. "Sorry…I just…I have to pee…like your son is using my bladder as a trampoline have to pee…" she tells him as she squirms a little.

Derek looks at her for a moment before a chuckle bubbles out of his mouth. "Why didn't you just wake me? I would have helped you. You probably shouldn't be trying to walk by yourself anyways…" he asks her as he tilts his head to the side.

She shrugs. "I didn't want to wake you…you…well…you didn't look comfortable…but you were sleeping…and you could have been having good dreams or something…" she mumbles as she looks at the floor.

Derek chuckles as he reaches under her shirt. She jerks back. "What are you doing?"

Derek smirks at her. "Relax. I'm not trying to feel you up, I'm just unhooking you so we can get you to the bathroom."

"Oh," she says quietly as Derek once again reaches up under her sweater and unhooks her from the monitor.

The monitor sounds loudly, but he quickly reaches over and silences it. He then removes the blood pressure cuff and pulse ox before unhooking the IV from the stand. He holds the IV bag as he slowly helps her out of bed.

She grips his hand tightly as the medicine they have given her makes her feel dizzy as she stands up. Derek looks at her. "You okay?" he asks, concern evident in his tone.

She shakes her head. "Just a bit dizzy," she tells him as they slowly begin to make their way to the bathroom.

He walks her into the bathroom and hangs her IV bag on the hook next to the toilet. "You going to be okay?" he asks her as he watches her take a deep breath.

"Yeah…I…yeah…" she mumbles, not wanting to need his help with such a simple task.

He watches her closely, not believing her. "Okay…well…I'm going to be right outside…just yell when you are done and I will help you back to bed," he tells her before reluctantly leaving her alone in the bathroom.

Meredith watches him leave before she struggles to pull down her pajama pants. She sits down on the toilet and finally finds the relief of relieving her bladder. However, when it comes time to stand up, she finds it a difficult task. She grips the bar attached to the wall and attempts to raise herself, but she is weak from the stress of the past twenty-four hours as well as the medications they have given her. She sighs as she hangs her head, somewhat embarrassed.

"Derek?" she calls out, hating that she needs him.

"Yeah?" he asks as he cracks the door open.

"Promise that you won't look," she says in a stern voice as looks at her desperate face.

"What?" he asks with a chuckle.

"I need your help standing up, and I need for you to promise me that you won't look anywhere but my face," she tells him as her cheeks turn a deep shade of crimson.

He smiles at her as he walks into the bathroom, gazing into her eyes the entire time. Before she knows it he is standing directly in front of her.

"I'm going to put my arms under yours and lift you. You can pull up your pants and then I'll take you back to bed," he tells her as he squats down in front of her.

She bites down on her bottom lip while nodding at him. Derek reaches out and slowly lifts her to her feet. He can see the struggle on her face as she pulls her pants up, but doesn't say anything.

"Okay," she tells him, letting him know that she is ready to go back to bed.

"Mer?" he asks her as they slowly begin to make their way back to her bed, her IV bag in her hand that isn't gripping onto Derek.

"Yeah?" she responds.

"Will it be okay if I carry you? I think it might be easier…" he asks somewhat reluctantly, not wanting to offend her.

She giggles at his reluctance. "I was wondering when you were going to ask," she asks as she stops in her tracks.

"Is that a yes?" he asks with a chuckle.

"That is a hell yes," she responds as she drapes her arm over his shoulders.

Derek chuckles as he picks her up and carries her to her bed. He hooks her back to all of the monitors and begins to tuck her in under the covers.

He looks at her and notices that she is once again biting down on her bottom lip. "What is it?" he asks her as he tilts his head to the side and smiles his trademark smile.

Her stomach emits a loud grumbling noise, answering for her.

He chuckles loudly as she blushes. "Hungry?" he asks her.

She exhales as she looks at him. "Starved!" she responds emphatically.

He crosses his arms over his chest. "I could go down to the deli and get you a salad or something if you want."

She scowls at him. "I do not want salad. I need real food, not rabbit food."

He chuckles again as he leans towards her. "Well then, what would you like?" he asks with amusement in his voice.

"I would like a double quarter pounder with cheese, a large French fry, and a large extra-thick chocolate milk shake…and maybe some nachos with lots of jalapenos and cheese and black olives only," she tells him quickly all in one breath.

His mouth falls slightly open as he listens to her order. "Seriously?" he asks in disbelief.

She glares at him. "Seriously! I haven't eaten real food in like twenty-four hours and I am eating for two, or did you forget that? Yeah…you did this to me…you and your stupid boy penis. You!" she rants as her mood suddenly takes a swing.

Derek takes a step back from the bed as he is shocked at the sudden change. He tilts his head to the side and smiles at her as he looks at her pissed off appearance. "Will you repeat that so I can write it down?" he asks, excitement beginning to course through his veins as he realizes that he is going to help her fulfill her cravings. His excitement continues to grow as he thinks about all of the other cravings he has heard that pregnant women suffer and he hopes that she also turns to him to fulfill those.


	35. Chapter 35

Derek can't help but chuckle as he watches Meredith take a huge bite out of her burger.

"Wha?" she asks with a full mouth as she looks at him.

He shakes his head. "Nothing," he chuckles as he watches the ketchup trail down her chin. "I just…I knew you could fit a lot in your mouth…but I'm still amazed."

Her mouth falls slightly open as a blush begins to creep into her cheeks before she smirks at him. "I really can't fit that much, but then again, it has never really been tested to find its full capacity," she tells him after she swallows the large amount of food in her mouth.

"Nice," he says as he leans back in his chair, reaching out to steal one of Meredith's fries as he does so.

"Hey!" she tells him as she swats at his hand.

"What?" he asks her as he pops the fry in his mouth, "I brought you enough food to last a week, I'm sure you can spare a French fry," he says as his eyes twinkle.

She narrows her eyes at him again. "You don't have to be such an ass," she mutters before dipping a French fry in her shake and taking a bite.

"Did you seriously just eat that?" he asks, disbelief and disgust in his voice.

She glares at him. "I did. You have a problem with that?" she asks in a challenging tone.

He throws his hands up in defeat. "Nope. No problem at all. Nada," he says with a smile.

"Good," she says before belching loudly.

"Wow," he says, somewhat in awe.

"What?" she asks before taking a bite of the nachos.

"I knew that you snored pretty loudly, but that burp…who would have thought that such a big sound could come from such a small person?" he says as he runs his hand over his face, the tiredness beginning to set it again.

She giggles as she shrugs. "I'm just talented like that."

He chuckles. "Apparently," he says as he continues to watch her.

They sit in silence for several minutes as Meredith continues to feast on the food that surrounds her. He can't help but think if this is the best meal she has had in a while, a though that tugs roughly at his heart strings.

"So, I was thinking that maybe my dad and I could go to your apartment tomorrow and get the rest of your things…" he says, breaking the silence.

He notices her stiffen as she turns to look at him. "Tomorrow?" she asks.

He shrugs. "Why not? Might as well get it over with."

"Yeah," she sighs as she rubs her stomach and pushes the empty wrappers away from her.

Derek stands up and picks up her trash, throwing it away for her before turning back to face her. "What's wrong?" he asks as he watches her lift her sweater up, revealing her round abdomen, before she begins to rub it.

"So full and your son is kicking me. I'm pretty sure he is going to play soccer," she says as she smiles up at him.

He takes a step towards her, pausing to ask the permission he seeks with his eyes. "Can I?" he asks as he motions to her stomach.

She smiles at him. "Of course," she responds as she indicates where he should place his hand.

He places his hand on her stomach and can instantly feel the small flutters under her skin. "Wow," he says in awe, "I don't think I will ever get tired of that feeling," he whispers into the night.

"Yeah," she responds, "you might if it didn't stop when you took your hand away," she says with a giggle.

He chuckles. "I suppose."

They return to the silence of the night, Meredith slowly drifting off as Derek watches the steady rise and fall of her chest. He is almost able to be transported back to the ship. Almost. The beeping of the monitors and the infinite amount of space that seems to exist between their bodies prevent him from that dream. He is so lost in thought that he fails to notice when her body once again tenses up and she sits up and looks at him.

"Derek?" she asks quietly as she swallows the lump in her throat.

"Yeah?" he responds as he leans forward slightly.

"When you clean out my apartment…who will be the one to clean out the drawers in my bedroom?" she asks somewhat nervously.

"I don't know. Why?" he asks as he furrows his brow in confusion.

She begins to wrings her hands as she focuses on a hole in the blanket. "Well…it's just…there might be some things…uhh…that I wouldn't want your dad to see…well…anyone to see really…but I guess if anyone is going to see them…you wouldn't be so bad…I guess…well…I mean you would be better than you dad seeing them…if you dad saw them…oh my God…I might die…and I don't want to die…"

He chuckles, interrupting her rambling. "Don't worry, Mer. I'll be sure to clean out your bedroom and make sure my dad doesn't see any of your 'toys'," he responds with a smirk.

She grabs a pillow and throws it at him. "You…are an ass! I have needs, Derek! I have needs and because of you, I can't go out and fulfill those needs! So…don't patronize me for something that is your fault!" she yells at him.

Derek stands up, still chuckling quietly, and places the pillow back under her head. "I'm not patronizing you, Mer. I…I just wish I was there for you. I'm sorry if it sounded like I was making fun. I didn't mean it that way," he says quietly as he sits back down.

"I…" she starts, but doesn't know how to finish. "There may be some other things that you may find as well…some things that…I don't know…I…but you have to promise me that you won't read too much into them…that…you won't make them out to be more than what they are," she whispers as she forces herself to look at him.

"Like what?" he asks curiously.

She bites down on her bottom lip. "Umm…you know…pictures…receipts from places we went together…a bottle of cologne…some mousse…those kinds of things…" she murmurs as she stares at the wall, crimson creeping up into her cheeks.

Derek can't help but smile as he listens to her. He can't help but make something out of it, even if she doesn't want to, because those items do mean something, even if she denies it.

"Okay," he says with a smile as he props his feet up on the edge of her bed.

Silence once again fills the room and the two find themselves drifting off to sleep. Meredith turns onto her side to face Derek. She can see him struggling to get comfortable and feels bad for him.

"Derek?"

"Yeah?" he answers as he opens his eyes.

"You don't look very comfortable," she states as she watches him squirm a little more in the chair.

He chuckles. "It's okay, Mer. I'm fine," he responds, not wanting to leave her alone even though his ass and back are killing him.

She inhales deeply. "You can sleep with me…in the bed, I mean…not as in have sex…I didn't mean it that way…I just…yeah…" she rambles.

His smile grows. "Are you sure?" he asks her.

She nods. "Yeah…just…don't make more of it that what it is…" she tells him sternly as she scoots over in the bed.

"And what is it?" he asks as he stands up.

"A friend sharing a bed with a friend," she replies simply.

He chuckles as he lies down on top of the covers. The bed is small, but with both of them on their sides they manage to find comfort. However, most of their comfort comes from having the other in such close proximity.

"Mer?" he asks after a moment.

"Yeah?" she responds in a tired voice.

"Good night," he whispers into her ear, his breath lapping against her neck and sending chills down her spine.

"Night," she whispers before drifting off into a deep sleep.

Derek stays awake a few moments longer, breathing her in and relishing the closeness of her. He hears her begin to snore and knows that she has fallen asleep. He then drapes his arm over her, resting his hand on her stomach. He finally falls asleep feeling her breathing against his chest and his son kicking under his hand.


	36. Chapter 36

Mrs. Shepherd walks into Meredith's room to do her pre-rounds check-up, but stops in the doorway as she views the site in front of her. Her son is lying in the bed with Meredith, his arm draped over her fragile body, his hand resting on the swell of her stomach. She smiles as Meredith's snores filter through the room.

She quietly steps into the room and begins to check all of the monitors, doing her best to not disturb the resting couple. She jerks in the direction of the bed as she hears a rustling noise. Her eyes meet the sleepy eyes of her son.

Derek grunts as he begins to feel the aches from the position he has been in all night. Meredith stirs a bit, causing him to freeze mid-stretch. She rolls over and buries her face in his chest, her fists gripping his sweater tightly as she sighs. Derek runs his hand slowly down her back as she settles back down, her body seeming to find comfort in the reassurance that he is still there.

Mrs. Shepherd smiles at her son. "She still has a slight fever, but I think that is just from her having the flu," she whispers to him as she makes a note on Meredith's chart. "Other than that, everything looks fine. She should be able to go home in a couple of days."

Derek nods at his mother before she closes the chart and walks out of the room, leaving the pair alone in the silence. Derek could go back to sleep. He should go back to sleep. But he doesn't want to. He wants to relish in the moment. He wants to relish the way her stomach is pressed softly against him. He wants to enjoy the way she clings tightly to him, almost as if she is afraid of losing him once again.

The still-familiar sounds of her snores once again begin to filter through the room. Derek forces himself to suppress a chuckle as he looks down and watches her. Her mouth is slightly parted and her nostrils flare just slightly with each exhalation, almost as if she is forcing that abnormally large sound out of those tiny openings.

He can hear the chirping of a bird outside of the window, the first sign that morning is approaching. He yearns to wake her up and watch the sun set, like they used to do on the cruise. But he knows. He knows that the sunsets on the cruise are much different that those in New York City. He knows that the mornings no longer have that hint of salt in their smell. But most of all, he knows that Meredith will not turn to him the second the sun has made its debut, its fresh rays casting a glow onto her porcelain face, and grab his face with frenzied need before kissing him passionately.

He notices her grip loosen and looks down at her again to notice her eyes fluttering open.

"Hey," he whispers softly as he leans down and places a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"Hey," she says huskily as she rolls onto her back, her body feeling the full affects from the day before.

"You okay?" he asks as he stands up, concern knitting his brows.

She looks at him with heavy eyes. "My body is sore and I'm nauseous just like I am every other morning," she says in an angry tone.

"I could get you some medicine for the nausea," he says as he brushes a strand of hair out of her face.

She shakes her head. "I have gone this long without taking anything for the morning sickness. I think I'll be fine," she says as she tries to sit up. She winces in pain.

"Let me raise the bed," Derek says as he reaches back and lifts the head of the bed so that Meredith can sit up comfortably.

"Thanks," Meredith says as she leans back and sighs. "Derek?" she says after another minute.

"Yeah?"

"I really have to pee," she says in a frustrated voice.

Derek chuckles as he stands up and begins to unhook her from the monitors. Just as he turns off the monitor that is tracking the heart rate of the baby, his mom returns to the room.

"What are you doing?" she asks in a confused voice.

Derek looks up at his mom as if he is a door caught in headlights. "She needs to pee," he says pointing at Meredith.

Meredith giggles, causing both Shepherds to turn and look at her. "You are still afraid of your mom," she says as she smiles at him.

Mrs. Shepherd laughs as she steps further into the room. "With good reason," she says as she sits down next to the bed.

Derek shakes his head. "I am not."

"Yes, you are."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"So, how are you feeling, Meredith?" Mrs. Shepherd asks, interrupting the little dispute between the pair.

"Besides have to pee?" Meredith asks with a raised brow.

Mrs. Shepherd smiles at her and nods. "Besides having to pee."

"I am nauseous and achy," she says as she squirms a bit.

"Well, that is to be expected," Mrs. Shepherd pauses as she watches Meredith continue to squirm. She turns to Derek. "Help her to the bathroom, Derek and I will go get some medicine for your nausea," she says as she stands up.

"I don't need meds for the nausea," she says stubbornly.

Mrs. Shepherd sighs. "I get that you have been dealing with nausea for a while, Meredith. But right now, your body has been under a lot of stress and anything we can do to relieve some of that stress will also be beneficial to the baby. So, let me help the nausea by giving you meds, okay?"

Meredith bites down on her bottom lip as she nods.

Mrs. Shepherd smiles at her. "Good. I will be back in about fifteen minutes," she says before leaving the room.

"You will get used to it," Derek says, causing her to look at him in confusion.

"Get used to what?"

"Being taken care of," he says as he stands up and extends his hand to her. He leaves no room for argument as he makes sure she knows that she will never be alone again. He will make sure of that. Even if she doesn't believe it yet, he means it and he intends to make her believe it eventually.


	37. Chapter 37

Meredith sighs frustratingly as Derek helps her into the wheelchair. "I can walk you know," she mutters as he hands her her bag.

Derek chuckles as he shakes his head. "I know, but we have been over this. You may be able to walk, but it's best for you to take it as easy as possible…and it's hospital policy for you to be wheeled out."

She rolls her eyes as he begins to push her forward. "Whatever," she mutters.

Derek suddenly stops the wheelchair. Meredith looks up confused and that is when she feels her strength begin to crumble.

"Meredith. Dr. Shepherd," the cold voice says as she stares at the pair.

"Dr. Grey," Derek responds curtly as he looks down and notices Meredith's trembling hands gripping the sides of the wheelchair. He once again begins to push the chair down the hallway, hoping that Ellis moves out of his way, but she doesn't.

"So, I see that you are sticking by her…" Ellis says in a disgusted tone as she nods in Meredith's direction.

Derek grips the handles of the wheelchair as he clenches his jaw. "Yes," he answers briefly.

"You are ruining your life," Ellis says, and he is unsure if she is talking to him or Meredith.

"Shut up," Meredith says in a small voice.

Ellis's eyes narrow as she stares at the pale figure sitting in the wheelchair. "What did you say to me?"

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Meredith screams at her mother.

He can hear her haggard breath as she finally stands up to her mother. Derek releases his grip on the handles and walks around to the front of the wheelchair and kneels down in front of her.

"Mer?" he asks as he takes in her flushed appearance.

She redirects her glance to look in his eyes. "I'm fine," she says unconvincingly.

He smiles softly at her. "Sure you are," he says as he grabs her hand and begins to rub small circles in her palm with his thumb.

She sighs as his touch slowly begins to relax her. "Sorry," she mumbles as she stares at her feet.

He reaches up and lifts her chin, forcing her to look at him. "Don't be. You have nothing to be sorry for," he says in earnest before he turns around and once again comes face-to-face with her mother. "If you will excuse us, Dr. Grey, I have to take Meredith home," he says with a glare before walking back behind the wheelchair. He doesn't wait for a response as he pushes Meredith past her mother.

"She will bring you down," she shouts at the retreating duo.

Derek pauses and shrugs his shoulders, almost as if he is trying to brush her off.

"She's not worth it," Meredith whispers, the tears now beginning to slowly trail down her face. "She will ruin you. Just let it go."

He sighs, knowing that as much as he doesn't want to let it go, Meredith's mom is his boss. They reach the awaiting car in silence. Mrs. Shepherd smiles at them from the driver's seat. Derek holds up his hand, letting his mom know that he needs just a moment, before he once again kneels down in front of it.

"Just so you know," he says in a deep, serious voice. "You are worth it. She may not be worth it, but you are." He reaches up and wipes away the few remnants of tears with the pad of his thumb.

Just as Meredith opens her mouth to speak, her stomach rumbles loudly. Meredith bites down on her bottom lip as she blushes.

Derek chuckles. "Hungry?"

Meredith nods her head slowly before allowing a small giggle to escape.

"Okay then," he says as he opens the back door for her, "let's go get you some food."

Meredith nods as Derek helps her into the backseat before climbing in next to her. A nurse that followed them out takes the wheelchair back into the hospital.

"What do you want to eat?" he asks her as he turns to face her.

She shrugs. "I…will you hand me my purse?" she asks with a blush.

He furrows his brow in confusion as he looks at her. "Why?"

She stares out of the window. "So I can see how much money I have left," she says quietly.

"Nonsense," Derek says as he leans in closer to her. "Did I not tell you I am going to be taking care of you from now on? That means I buy you stuff and included in that stuff is any food your stomach desires," he finishes with a smile.

However, she still doesn't turn to face him. "I can't let you do that. I can't…I won't be a burden…I…"

"You, Meredith Grey, could never be a burden," he says earnestly as the car begins to move forward.

"I'm not a charity case," she mumbles as she leans her forehead against the cool glass of the car.

"I didn't say you were," he says as he reaches out and envelops her hand in his.

"Maybe not, but you are treating me like I am," she whispers quietly.

"You are the mother of my unborn child. You…you are giving me so much more than I could ever give you," he says as he begins to rub small circles on the top of her hand with his thumb.

She sighs heavily as she looks at him out of the corner of her eye.

"I am going to take care of you. You might as well not fight it," Derek says in a joking voice that is laced with seriousness.

"Fine," she whispers as she allows him to pull her body against his.

"Good. Now, what do you want?" he says in a light voice.

She bites down on her bottom lip as she looks up at him from under her lashes. "A big mac and a large french fry from McDonald's," she whispers.

He chuckles as he can't help but lean down and place a soft kiss on her hair. He doesn't fail to notice the way her body stiffens, but decides to ignore it for the moment. "Again?" he asks amused.

She shrugs. "What can I say? It's what your son wants," she responds in a lighter voice.

He chuckles as he leans forward. "Did you hear that Mom? Now he's my son…" he chuckles as he winks at Meredith.

Mrs. Shepherd laughs. "McDonald's then?" she asks as she looks in the rearview mirror.

Both Meredith and Derek smile at her and nod and she can't help but linger at the perfect framed image the mirror presents.


	38. Chapter 38

**Finally an update! Sorry I disappeared...Life is INSANE right now...this story only has a couple more chapters left for me to post...but no worries...there is a sequel...I want to thank everyone for reading..if I have any readers left...Hope you enjoy!**

-Marci

Meredith stares at the staircase in front of her. The descent seems daunting, especially with the soreness that continues to radiate throughout her body. But she needs to go downstairs. She has to go downstairs. She has to go downstairs for some black olives. There is no question. She needs black olives. Derek had made a big fuss earlier about her staying in bed and him taking care of her, but he is asleep now and she doesn't want to wake him. She tried to listen. She tried to be cooperative, but she really really needs some black olives.

She places her hand on the banister as she mentally prepares herself for the long descent. She closes her eyes and inhales deeply. Just as she prepares to take the first step, a soft voice from behind her startles her.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asks sleepily.

She gasps as she whirls around to face him, the sudden movement causes her to dangle precariously at the top of the staircase. He takes one step forward and wraps his arms around her waist, preventing her from falling backwards.

"Woah," he says as he pulls her body against his. "I've got you."

She wraps her arms around him, her body still shaken from the almost fall. "Thanks," she manages in a shaky voice.

"Now," he says as he moves her away from the stairs, "are you going to tell me what you think you are doing?"

She bites down on her bottom lip as she looks up at him through her lashes. "I was going to get some black olives," she mumbles as a blush creeps into her cheeks.

He furrows his eyebrows together as he stares at her. "I'm sorry," he says as he shakes his head, "I thought you just said that you were risking tearing your sutures open that haven't fully healed yet so that you could get some black olives, but I think I heard you wrong."

The heat rises in her cheeks as she stares down at her feet momentarily before looking back up at him. "But I NEED them," she tells him with pleading eyes.

His eyes widen as he notices the pleading tone of her voice. "You're beings serious?" he asks as a smile begins to form on his mouth.

She stomps her foot childishly as she watches the smirk form. "It's not funny," she hisses at him.

He chuckles as he places a hand over her mouth. "Shhh…my parents are sleeping," he whispers with a chuckle. Even though he can't see her mouth, he can see the scowl in her eyes. Without a second thought, he places one arm under her knees and lifts her.

She gasps. "What are you doing?"

He chuckles as he begins to walk downstairs. "I'm taking you to get your damn black olives," he says with a smile.

"Ass!" she hisses as he reaches the bottom of the staircase.

He shrugs. " I was thinking something more like, knight in shining armor, but ass works as well," he says with a smirk. "At least I'm your ass."

She rolls her eyes as they reach the kitchen. He sits her down on one of the barstools before he begins to rummage through the pantry for black olives.

"So, is this what your cravings like?" he asks with a glance over his shoulder.

She shrugs. "You mean the not being able to function until I have it thing?"

He nods. "Yeah," he responds as he finds a can.

"Pretty much."

He chuckles as he opens the can and pours the olives into a bowl. "And the black olives thing?" he asks as he sits the bowl in front of her.

"I have no idea where that one came from. I woke up and thought, I want black olives. A minute later, it was I need black olives. Five minutes later and here we are," she answers as she plops a black olive into her mouth. She closes her eyes as a look of pure pleasure overtakes her and she moans softly.

Derek begins to feel aroused just watching her indulge her craving. He clears his throat. "Are they satisfying?" he asks in a somewhat husky voice.

"Better than sex," she responds as she opens her eyes and smirks at him.

His mouth falls agape. "I highly doubt that."

"You would," she responds with a shrug as she begins to place black olives on her fingers.

He chuckles as she wiggles her Martian-like fingers at him. "What are you? Like five?" he asks as he bends his head down and eats one of the black olives off of Meredith's fingers.

She scowls at him. "Shut up," she mutters as she eats the black olives one by one off of her fingers.

"So, am I going to need to go get more black olives? I mean, how long do these cravings generally last?" he asks with a smile as he sits down across from her.

"You don't have to…" she begins.

He reaches over and places his fingers under her chin and lifts her face. "Yes, I do. There are still a few cans in the pantry, but would you like me to add black olives to the shopping list for tomorrow?" he asks in a voice laced with love.

She blushes as she nods slowly. "Yes, please," she mutters.

He chuckles as he stands up and walks over to the refrigerator. "See, that wasn't so hard, was it?" he asks as he jots down a case of black olives for Meredith's cravings on the shopping list.

"Incredibly," she mumbles to herself as she finishes the black olives. She even drinks the juice, much to Derek's disgust, before she pats her stomach and smiles at him.

"Satisfied?" he asks with a smile as he walks around the counter and places his hand on her stomach, feeling a small fluttering under his touch.

"Extremely," she answers with a yawn.

"Ready to go back to bed?"

"Yes, please," she responds before he lifts her and carries her back upstairs and places her in bed. Her eyes are already growing heavy as he tucks her in. "Derek?" she asks as he prepares to leave for the night.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks," she sighs.

"No problem," he says with a smile. "If you need anything else, don't hesitate to ask…and if I catch you trying to go downstairs by yourself again, I will kick your ass," he says in a playful tone that hints of seriousness.

"Okay…Derek?" she says with another yawn.

"Yeah?"

"Will you tell your son to go to sleep so I can?" she asks in a whiny voice as she opens her eyes and pouts at him,

He chuckles at her before pulling the covers down below her stomach and lifting her pajama top. "Hey, buddy. This is your daddy. Go to sleep for Mommy. She needs her sleep so she isn't grouchy tomorrow. Daddy loves you," he whispers to her stomach before placing a soft kiss on her bump.

He looks back up to Meredith to tell her goodnight, but she has already fallen asleep. He smiles softly at her before walking to the door. "Goodnight, Meredith," he whispers before closing the door and returning to his own room.


End file.
